A day in the life of...

The young have something no one else has or ever will have. Time.

It's true. We are smart, beautiful and...alcoholic.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

"I just want everything she's got"

Who are those girls who take selfies of themselves with massive side boob and make it their profile picture on facebook? I mean really.

Maybe we are all just playing a part.

These are the days when A has natural coloured hair and G can't get out of bed because she can't stop crying. They are both moping around the house drinking tea, but for very different reasons. G doesn't understand why she's suddenly single for what seems like the first time this millennium. A has exams, and is also pissed about the fact that she hasn't heard from V since they returned from Bali together. J suggested this may be due to the apparently huge fight they had on the plane home but, as usual, A doesn't want to talk about it.

Even J is feeling unwanted these days what with Motley Crue having a new girlfriend...and so, apparently, does 'the one'. It's not that J likes him but only a week ago 'the one' was obsessed with her. He is now apparently going out with the ex of one of his good mate's and posting mushy statements on facebook. They've been together about 3 days. It is making J sick. No, she doesn't want him, but call her narcissistic and selfish, she doesn't really want him to want anyone else either.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

"I wish it could just be simple, like a retro pop song, 'I want you to want me.' Boom. End of story. We all live happily ever after. But it is never really like that, is it?"

In the shock news story of the week, G has been dumped by her boyfriend. The boyfriend she's been with pretty much forever, since high school. They were the couple everyone measured other couples against. They were it. It must be the week for break-ups or something, with Druggie ending things with the guy she's been with for about 4 years. Although G hasn't felt as secure in her relationship in recent times as she she always has, she never expected them to break-up. She really didn't expect him to break up with her. She was completely and utterly devestated.

A rushed home from paintballing (she likes to get her violent on, what of it?) and G was unable to stop crying for hours. A had no idea what to do. She's not good with crying and emotion. She's good with anger and revenge and men-bashing but being commitment-phobic and eternally single means she's hardly qualified to be giving relationship or break-up advice. She normally suggests beer and getting back on the horse. She called M, even though her and G aren't that close, because she figured after M's bad break-up earlier in the year she'd be more help. M brought chocolate and made tea.

There just wasn't much to say. Apparently G's boyfriend told her he just couldn't see a future together for them. He also mentioned that G has potential graduate jobs interstate next year and he doesn't want to be the reason she doesn't take the opportunity. He also mentioned that he wants to get married and have kids in approximately  a two-year time frame and he doesn't see that happening with G since she wants to focus on her career for awhile. It came completely out of nowhere. G hasn't even decided what graduate job she wants and is certainly not committed to moving away. And he has never even mentioned marriage or kids. G suspects it's because one of his good friends is getting married in a couple of months and he's starting to feel the pressure. But G does want those things. Not right now no, but eventually. And 2 years? What is he just going to pick up the next random girl he meets and get married and have kids? Because 2 years is not a long time to start a family. Particularly as he has no money. And debt.

She worried it's all just an excuse and he doesn't love her anymore. But he was crying and seemed pretty upset when he was breaking up with her. it just doesn't make any sense and she can't get her head around what he's done. Even his best mate says he seems really depressed and doesn't understand what he's done.

In the meantime J came face to face with Motley Crue and his new suburban girlfriend who is all over his facebook page making soppy comments like a bad rash. Even still, J always thought she'd be rubbing it in his face with a new hot guy. She was this close to grabbing 'the one' and acting like they were together just to make him jealous. Then she realised how immature she was being and just backed away.

Definitely not a week for those who voted for true love. Luckily, none of us did. It seems G may have had money on it though.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

"I don't want to be a bitch, but you guys are really boring"

Druggie's broken up with her boyfriend, moved out of their house and won't return J's phone calls. Rumour has it she's moved back to the country town where she grew up until she can get a new place. No word on the old flame she was swapping romantic messages with pre break-up. Druggie always was a relationship girl.

M is still seeing E as 'just friends' and accepting dates from whoever asks her, even if they aren't particularly appropriate like her new neighbour that doesn't wear shoes. She misses being with E but not enough to admit that to him.

J is trying to dodge 'the one'. He lost his phone and she was relieved because she figured that meant he'd stop messaging her with bizzare texts or calling her late and night when she was busy with someone else. Sadly, not the case. He must have got her number from someone else. Can't they just be friends? She doesn't need the stalker, clingy attitude.

L has a new job at an Italian mafia law firm. She's trying to avoid the guy who looks like a character from The Godfather. Damn creepy.

A's been seeing a guy who has a house full or mirrors ('seeing' in the vaguest sense of the word) and trying to convince her little brother that he does not need a girlfriend just because all his mates do. After all, as he is the only single one when they go out he gets all the attention. Why would you give that up for tapas dates?

Monday, October 15, 2012

"This is not a game I play discreetly"

J has a new theory about men and their place in the universe and her bed. That would be the 3 classic types, type A, type B and type AB. Note that this has nothing to do with either A or B, although A is probably conveniently a type A and B a type B. But they're girls. So this doesn't apply.

Type A guys are the typical alpha males. Good-looking, successful and arrogant. Comes with the territory. They're the player types, who'll pick up any girl who strikes their fancy and never call them again. Just because they can. The type you sleep with and they'll pretend they don't recognise you the next time you run into them at the bar. The type that give J the shits because, even though she's a typical type A herself, no one like those you can smell the narcissism rolling off. Plus, they're usually bad in bed because they're selfish or think they're in a porno. Exception for V on that one.

Type B guys are at the opposite end of the spectrum. Shy dudes and losers who are insecure and desperate. Not only do they call, but they'll send 5 unanswered text messaged. They don't seem to take the hint that maybe, just maybe, you're not that into them. Always asking you out after a one-night-stand and how did they get your number anyway? Type B guys are desperate for a girlfriend although most girls don't want to be with a guy who cries in public so they're often not that successful. They make good, if a little wimpy, husbands and fathers. They are reliable and trustworthy. But where's the fun in that? Hey though, they make good friends

Then there's the type AB guys, the ones who fall somewhere in the middle. The ones J is frequently on the lookout for but always seem rarer than the other two. These are the guys who'll give you a 'hey how's it going' if you see them after you have sex. They don't call, but they don't ignore you either. They're into sex and a good time but they will stop and chat if they see you sober. Or running for the last train. Whatever. Perfect fuck buddy material. And boyfriend material really, because they they are like type A without the arrogance, or type B without the patheticness. Sadly, these guys are becoming harder and harder to find.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

"The drinks are cheap and vinyl's cool"

Oh L. We all know you're lovely, but it never was going to work out the way you wanted it to was it?

L had planned to catch up with B and K, as well as H, for the first time since they returned from Europe. And also the first time since they abandoned her on a tram. But that's another story, and the subject of another blog post. L wasn't sure about it, so she invited A and a bunch of her uni friends along. Probably not the brightest idea but she'd had a few wines in the sun and it seemed like a good idea. Unfortunately, all her uni friends except A bailed at the last minute. A grabbed J and rocked up anyway.

L, H, B and K went out for dinner first and H ended up going home after because she doesn't go out anymore. K had two drinks and was behaving like a drunk slut and made out with a 40 year old man. L tried not to judge. Later that evening they bumped into A and J who had just shared a $50 bottle of wine. BullSHIT was that the cheapest bottle of sav blanc. You can get cheaper on Southbank. L said hi, B smiled. K scowled and walked the other way, dragging B with her after a moment of hesitation.

A, J and L headed to the bar and then went back to chat with B. That was fine, except that K was standing about 5 metres away glaring and not saying anything. L felt extremely awkward. B seemed oddly unawkward, perhaps because she was more drunk.

A had a 'fuck this' moment, skulled a few pints and went home with a dude in a moustache who kept his red wine in the fridge.  J played the room, flirty and fun and making K jealous the whole time. Especially when the only guy interested in K was a vaguely emo kid who didn't look a second over 16. Youngens and oldies, all in a night's work.

At the end of the night L tried to suggest going home in a cab with J. K was having none of that. That was fine with J, who was busy with her tongue down the throat of a guy who had a Pink Floyd tattoo. She didn't even go home with him. Or the crew of metros who invited her to a late night dance club. Really, does thatg seem like J's style?

Monday, October 1, 2012

What we're doing this month...

Loving: mocking people who take teeth-whitening seriously
Listening to: Green Day's Uno! and The Darkness' Hot Cakes
Crushing on: Ryan Gosling circa Crazy Stupid Love (okay we know everyone is...whatever)
Worshipping: late Cosmo editor Helen Gurley Brown...feminism in red lipstick

Eating: choc-orange tarts from San Churro
Drinking: honey vodka, which essentially tastes like scotch
Rocking: chambray shirts and long necklaces
Reading: A Visit From the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan

Failing: not to trip in our heels