The words we live by.
Even if it occasionally means we wake up in jail.
Not really. But it could happen.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
"That would be the real tragedy. Ignore the coffin. There's a single 35 year old woman walking behind it!"
"Calm down, it's not like we had sex"
A and V are getting into fights on the street as per usual, with her refusing to be impressed by his new 'top DJ' status nor the blonde busty girls with their arms around his neck.
J's always in trouble. She somehow found herself on a date with a nerd who took her home the other night after she passed out on the floor of a club. The bouncers thought she'd taken drugs but none of that now that Druggie has moved to the outer suburbs and just hangs out at the park smoking weed and eating Nandos.
A and L spent a night hooning around in one of their uni friends' cars, because they were too drunk to even attempt driving. Lucky he was a psycho driver with a lead foot and no desire no down any beers. They attended 3 separate parties, including the 21st of a girl who may be even more of a train wreck than A, and clearly had eyes on their (older) friend. A thought it was a laugh drinking all the birthday punch. L thought it was amusing to down 12 jelly shots in ten minutes.
Footballer is pissing everyone off by actually scoring goals (and probably Brownlow votes) but won't pick up his phone to hang out with anyone. Well, yeah, we only want him to get us good seats...which we'd then sell because everyone knows the standing room is better anyway.
Happy ANZAC Day people!
A and V are getting into fights on the street as per usual, with her refusing to be impressed by his new 'top DJ' status nor the blonde busty girls with their arms around his neck.
J's always in trouble. She somehow found herself on a date with a nerd who took her home the other night after she passed out on the floor of a club. The bouncers thought she'd taken drugs but none of that now that Druggie has moved to the outer suburbs and just hangs out at the park smoking weed and eating Nandos.
A and L spent a night hooning around in one of their uni friends' cars, because they were too drunk to even attempt driving. Lucky he was a psycho driver with a lead foot and no desire no down any beers. They attended 3 separate parties, including the 21st of a girl who may be even more of a train wreck than A, and clearly had eyes on their (older) friend. A thought it was a laugh drinking all the birthday punch. L thought it was amusing to down 12 jelly shots in ten minutes.
Footballer is pissing everyone off by actually scoring goals (and probably Brownlow votes) but won't pick up his phone to hang out with anyone. Well, yeah, we only want him to get us good seats...which we'd then sell because everyone knows the standing room is better anyway.
Happy ANZAC Day people!
Sunday, April 15, 2012
"Now what's your style and who do you listen to?"
For some reason, everyone we know is having their birthdays this month. Which means copious amounts of wine and laughter, with glittery presents and gossip about all the people that we used to know. Some birthdays have been metal concerts where we're the only people to show up in appropriate outfits, others have been family affairs where we definitely haven't been dressed in appropriate outfits.
M had planned a night out with the girls - A, J and L - for cocktails and dancing at a hip hop club which they all grudgingly agreed to, because although rock n roll is more their thing it's not M's and it was about time she got to choose and well, she's been a little down lately. A was annoyed because she ditched her boss's birthday to meet up with the others in the city but it took her an hour to find them since L has no sense of direction and J's instructions on the phone were incomprehensible. By this point L was thirsty so a quick stop was made for free Maccas water but J mysteriously disappeared. Apparently she was meeting up with Motley Crue because it was his birthday. So ditched.
Luckily the others were so wasted on chilli mai tais (way too spicy, by the way) they didn't even really notice, especially when A and L were cheering on M making out with an excellent dancer she'd spotted across the bar. E could never dance, and it's nice to see M happy again.
M had planned a night out with the girls - A, J and L - for cocktails and dancing at a hip hop club which they all grudgingly agreed to, because although rock n roll is more their thing it's not M's and it was about time she got to choose and well, she's been a little down lately. A was annoyed because she ditched her boss's birthday to meet up with the others in the city but it took her an hour to find them since L has no sense of direction and J's instructions on the phone were incomprehensible. By this point L was thirsty so a quick stop was made for free Maccas water but J mysteriously disappeared. Apparently she was meeting up with Motley Crue because it was his birthday. So ditched.
Luckily the others were so wasted on chilli mai tais (way too spicy, by the way) they didn't even really notice, especially when A and L were cheering on M making out with an excellent dancer she'd spotted across the bar. E could never dance, and it's nice to see M happy again.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
"And some of us are having a really bad hair day"
V has an up-and-coming DJ set at one of the big music festivals in town. It's not a headline spot, but it's after dark and it's pretty damn good. Suddenly, he's become the kind of guy that's cool to know. Okay, so perhaps it is not 'suddenly'. Around the time he got his 3000th facebook friend it occurred to us he was probably the most 'famous' person we went to school with. Except for this chick that became a model and is now in all our magazines and on TV. She dropped out in about year 8 though, so that doesn't really count. And there was this girl whose father is now an AFL coach. But she's never done anything. So it's basically V.
This news does not make A happy. She and V have had an on/off relationship since forever, though it's been more off lately and she hasn't seen him since returning from Thailand 2 months ago. She called him over Easter to 'catch-up' because it's been awhile and chocolate just wasn't doing it for her and well, V might be a wanker but he's good in bed. But when V bailed on her because he had something (or more likely someone) better to do, A was not impressed. You shouldn't let fame go to your head and forget your old friends...right? After all it wasn't all that long ago that A introduced V to her grandma. And now it's going to seriously bother A every time her nana asks how V is going and tut-tuts when A says she doesn't know and her gran will make a comment about how V looks like he's unselfish in the sack. Which is the only place he's not selfish, but that isn't really the point. It's not a conversation to have with your grandma...right?
J was super excited to have an 'in' and possibly score some free festival tickets but that doesn't seem to be on the cards anymore. Perhaps J will have to friend up with V. Hey, it wouldn't be the first time. They did have a brief hour or so fling back in the day...
M spent an extremely awkward first date with the guy she accidentally kissed from work. Unfortunately he seemed really into her and has already asked her out again. M longs for the days when things were simple and she and E knew they liked each other. She was tempted to call him, but called J instead and they went out and got out of control on the wine and caught C making out with some random dude. He claimed it was for a dare but it really just adds fuel to the How is he not gay? fire.
L had lunch with H and the toxic twins (B and K) and felt that the only thing she was comfortable talking about (and didn't earn her a disapproving glare) was her religious Easter weekend. Once upon a time H would have laughed and tried to shove a Big Mac in her face. These days H nods as if she perfectly understands L's desire to go to church and paint eggs. This doesn't make L feel as good as she thought it would.
This news does not make A happy. She and V have had an on/off relationship since forever, though it's been more off lately and she hasn't seen him since returning from Thailand 2 months ago. She called him over Easter to 'catch-up' because it's been awhile and chocolate just wasn't doing it for her and well, V might be a wanker but he's good in bed. But when V bailed on her because he had something (or more likely someone) better to do, A was not impressed. You shouldn't let fame go to your head and forget your old friends...right? After all it wasn't all that long ago that A introduced V to her grandma. And now it's going to seriously bother A every time her nana asks how V is going and tut-tuts when A says she doesn't know and her gran will make a comment about how V looks like he's unselfish in the sack. Which is the only place he's not selfish, but that isn't really the point. It's not a conversation to have with your grandma...right?
J was super excited to have an 'in' and possibly score some free festival tickets but that doesn't seem to be on the cards anymore. Perhaps J will have to friend up with V. Hey, it wouldn't be the first time. They did have a brief hour or so fling back in the day...
M spent an extremely awkward first date with the guy she accidentally kissed from work. Unfortunately he seemed really into her and has already asked her out again. M longs for the days when things were simple and she and E knew they liked each other. She was tempted to call him, but called J instead and they went out and got out of control on the wine and caught C making out with some random dude. He claimed it was for a dare but it really just adds fuel to the How is he not gay? fire.
L had lunch with H and the toxic twins (B and K) and felt that the only thing she was comfortable talking about (and didn't earn her a disapproving glare) was her religious Easter weekend. Once upon a time H would have laughed and tried to shove a Big Mac in her face. These days H nods as if she perfectly understands L's desire to go to church and paint eggs. This doesn't make L feel as good as she thought it would.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
"Does the noise in my head bother you?"
Smile like you're freezing your toes off. The chill (otherwise known as winter) has arrived which has us all huddled in printed scarfs and long cardis, sipping hot chocolate while we cheer our team on at the footy.
Easter weekend is always a bit of fun, even if when you work in retail there is always people everywhere because what most people don't seem to realise is that Easter comes second only to Boxing Day when it comes to sales figures. But at least we earn public holiday rates and don't have to pay heating bills.
It's a well regarded fact (on this blog anyway) that single people are more fun than married people. A's belief was confirmed when her best work friend, who was previously single and always up for a drink and a good time, started dating her boss' housemate. She isn't the bad type of couple person. She hasn't disappeared like H, or gone crazy like K and she doesn't talk non-stop about her boyfriend like B, but she's just not the same. Those crazy alcoholic nights spent kissing random boys, dancing like a maniac and doing body shots? So over.
Luckily A took a boozy boat ride with L and a few of their uni friends. L spent the first hour getting hit on by a first year in a gorilla costume just because she let him borrow her iphone. At least she got a few free drinks, but he wouldn't even play Draw Free with her! She was on the lookout for the hot older Canadian in her course but couldn't find him and just settled for a super attractive old Aussie. Sadly he turned out to be completely boring and unable to talk about anything other then law and Justice Toohey. Not even one of the more interesting judges. Her night was still better than A's, who struck out with a hot guy whose wig she was stroking when his girlfriend showed up. A then spent 2 hours talking a suicidal girl out of jumping over the edge of the boat.
Footballer is back on our TV's playing footy. He's also back texting A and G that he just wants to pop by for a 'chat'. Yeah, right. A might go for it, but G won't let him within 100m of their place. Which puts him in his place.
M is enjoying the single life and has a crush on one of her new co-workers. You would think she would have learnt her lesson from the last co-worker she dated but obviously not. She hasn't spoken to E since they broke up. He's still overseas and A, J and C are wondering whether it's okay to call him or whether they should follow M's lead. M's obviously becoming a 'couple' person, jumping from relationship to relationship. After hanging out with her new crush a couple of days ago he went to kiss her on the cheek and she kissed him on the lips. It was awkward at the time, but later he asked her out.
J's in trouble as usual. She suspects one of her uni friends is hot for her which isn't good because she isn't hot for him. He's only a few years older but has a son and lives with him and his ex. She also bumped into the best sex she's ever had, a guy she had sex with in a park once. She's also slept with two of his friends but didn't think he knew that. She had sex with him in an alley, then realised he was getting a call from one of his friends that he'd had sex with. He revealed he knew, and that as soon as J had left the friend had called him to tell him. J didn't realise guys were so gossipy. But of course they are. Now the best sex she's ever had wants a threesome. J would be up for it, except the guy expects her to treat him like a rock star. He does sing in a band, but Steven Tyler he's not. She's no groupie.
And yeah, we had roast beef and roast pork on Good Friday. What of it?
Easter weekend is always a bit of fun, even if when you work in retail there is always people everywhere because what most people don't seem to realise is that Easter comes second only to Boxing Day when it comes to sales figures. But at least we earn public holiday rates and don't have to pay heating bills.
It's a well regarded fact (on this blog anyway) that single people are more fun than married people. A's belief was confirmed when her best work friend, who was previously single and always up for a drink and a good time, started dating her boss' housemate. She isn't the bad type of couple person. She hasn't disappeared like H, or gone crazy like K and she doesn't talk non-stop about her boyfriend like B, but she's just not the same. Those crazy alcoholic nights spent kissing random boys, dancing like a maniac and doing body shots? So over.
Luckily A took a boozy boat ride with L and a few of their uni friends. L spent the first hour getting hit on by a first year in a gorilla costume just because she let him borrow her iphone. At least she got a few free drinks, but he wouldn't even play Draw Free with her! She was on the lookout for the hot older Canadian in her course but couldn't find him and just settled for a super attractive old Aussie. Sadly he turned out to be completely boring and unable to talk about anything other then law and Justice Toohey. Not even one of the more interesting judges. Her night was still better than A's, who struck out with a hot guy whose wig she was stroking when his girlfriend showed up. A then spent 2 hours talking a suicidal girl out of jumping over the edge of the boat.
Footballer is back on our TV's playing footy. He's also back texting A and G that he just wants to pop by for a 'chat'. Yeah, right. A might go for it, but G won't let him within 100m of their place. Which puts him in his place.
M is enjoying the single life and has a crush on one of her new co-workers. You would think she would have learnt her lesson from the last co-worker she dated but obviously not. She hasn't spoken to E since they broke up. He's still overseas and A, J and C are wondering whether it's okay to call him or whether they should follow M's lead. M's obviously becoming a 'couple' person, jumping from relationship to relationship. After hanging out with her new crush a couple of days ago he went to kiss her on the cheek and she kissed him on the lips. It was awkward at the time, but later he asked her out.
J's in trouble as usual. She suspects one of her uni friends is hot for her which isn't good because she isn't hot for him. He's only a few years older but has a son and lives with him and his ex. She also bumped into the best sex she's ever had, a guy she had sex with in a park once. She's also slept with two of his friends but didn't think he knew that. She had sex with him in an alley, then realised he was getting a call from one of his friends that he'd had sex with. He revealed he knew, and that as soon as J had left the friend had called him to tell him. J didn't realise guys were so gossipy. But of course they are. Now the best sex she's ever had wants a threesome. J would be up for it, except the guy expects her to treat him like a rock star. He does sing in a band, but Steven Tyler he's not. She's no groupie.
And yeah, we had roast beef and roast pork on Good Friday. What of it?
Sunday, April 1, 2012
What we're doing this month...
Loving: footy's back!
Listening to: ACDC
Crushing on: Cole from old episodes of Charmed
Worshipping: Jonah Hill, for writing a remake of 21 Jump Street that was actually amazing, even if nothing like the 80s show we love so much
Eating: carbonara pasta
Drinking: champagne
Rocking: tie dye cut off denim shorts.
Reading: Contest by Matthew Reilly
Failing: to get why The Hunger Games has suddenly become so popular. We actually read the first book about 4 years ago when no one had ever heard about it and it was good, but the two sequels were absolute shockers.
Listening to: ACDC
Crushing on: Cole from old episodes of Charmed
Worshipping: Jonah Hill, for writing a remake of 21 Jump Street that was actually amazing, even if nothing like the 80s show we love so much
Eating: carbonara pasta
Drinking: champagne
Rocking: tie dye cut off denim shorts.
Reading: Contest by Matthew Reilly
Failing: to get why The Hunger Games has suddenly become so popular. We actually read the first book about 4 years ago when no one had ever heard about it and it was good, but the two sequels were absolute shockers.
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