A day in the life of...

The young have something no one else has or ever will have. Time.

It's true. We are smart, beautiful and...alcoholic.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

"Hurry, hurry, hurry, before I go insane"

L has been invited for a day of Eurovision fun with B, K, T and a bunch of what she suspects will be older people like family friends and, of course, T's friends. Maybe H will even show up but she so rarely leaves the house these days L wouldn't place any kind of money on it. L wouldn't mind going if she knew people like A or J would be there and she could laugh and drink raki with them, but they haven't been invited. L feels like she would just be crashing a family affair, like the twins' last birthday. And she doesn't even like Eurovision.

Ah well. She'll just have to follow (or precede) it with one of those nights where it seems like a brilliant idea to go buy a tub of ice-cream in Coles and eat the whole thing (before you've paid for it) while perusing the aisles and knocking over the Chupa Chup displays.

It might make the whole thing bearable.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

"Don't leave my hyper heart alone on the water"

J has had yet another 'awkward one-night-stand etiquette' moment. All J wants is casual sex, but for whatever reason life just can't be that simple. She was also hoping her transition to being friends with B again would be simple, but B has started bailing on their plans and J can see their friendship disappearing just as it did the first time.

Last night she hooked up and had sex in a park with a guy who seemed like her kind of bloke: long wild hair, a love for The Ramones and a way of moving his tongue that had J going weak at the knees. She probably should have heard alarm bells when he told her he'd only recently broken up with his ex of four years but she was drunk and so she wasn't really listening. They chatted for a bit, made out and then headed to the park. While they were having sex he told her he loved her. They'd known each other a total of two hours. J ignored the comment. Perhaps he was imaging having sex with his ex and if he was, that was really no concern of hers. But then he looked her right in the eye and asked, "Do you love me too?" J freaked. She got up, put on her clothes and ran for her life. That's just not the sort of thing you say to a girl like J. Ever. He yelled after her for her number but she just kept on running, and praying that she would never see him again.

She ended up sharing a cab home with a middle-aged man who fortunately paid for the trip, although he did spend the entire time whining about his marriage break-up and even started shedding a few tears at one point. J and the taxi driver just made sympathetic noises and hoped the drive would be over soon.

What is it with the men of today?

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

"I wanna rock and roll all night"

Please just leave J alone Motley Crue.Your relationship ended months ago and while she's happy to humour you with blow jobs and the occasional morning after watching The Inbetweeners she will honestly, really, never be your girlfriend. You would feel sorry for him, it's just that he needs a new word for dumb. He and J went out the other night and someone asked if they were on a date. J scoffed, laughed and shook her head. Motley got quite insulted and was acting pissy for the rest of the evening. Come on man, it's been a while. Move on.

Meanwhile J is now sleeping with other members of the best sex she's ever had's band. She suspects his much younger child bride girlfriend is pregnant and doesn't want to deal with that shit. She hates kids. But J messes around with dudes from the suburbs and there's always kids in that mix. Of course junkie and alcoholic best sex she's ever had will be a terrible and unreliable father. Still child bride is actually quite lovely and she would be devestated to find out her boyfriend has slept with J. Multiple times. And has written a song about her. And is probably having sex with numerous other groupie types.

You just can't trust guys that have longer hair than you, wear more make-up than you and own more leopard print clothes than you. The glam lifestyle. Frightening.

Monday, May 14, 2012

"He does dress better than I do, what would I bring to the relationship?"

Sometimes 'busy' can never accurately describe your life or mindset. Sometimes it gets to the point where you're two weeks into May and you literally can't remember the month starting...or indeed what the fuck happened to the end of April.

In between studying for her exams and rocking up at work like the good girl she isn't, J has turned groupies for the best sex she's ever had and been showing up at all their gigs. It's not really her style to chase guys but this guy is the hardest in hell to track down and will never chase because he's usually too drunk or drugged to even notice the time. J is now mates with his mates, including a Scottish dude in a kilt who is clearly in love with her and constantly texts her and attempts to hug her. Best sex she's ever had is still the best sex ever and they're still doing it in parks and alleys across town. This is despite his underage child bride girlfriend who thinks J is the sweetest girl ever and is going out with the Scottish guy. If only she knew...Yeah, apparently wannabe rockstars keep their girlfriends locked up at home so they can pick up groupies. Is J playing a dangerous game? Probably, but she always knows when it's time to take herself home. Usually after her drink has been spiked with MDMA.

M and E are talking again and are trying to resurrect their friendship. It's unclear if it's going to be successful but they don't want to throw away years of friendship over a few months of sex. E is now dating the blonde girl who was showing up in all his facebook photos. M doesn't really feel any gratification over the fact that her suspicions were right. M has been enjoying the single life by hooking up with random guys in bars, including some of A and L's uni friends and a guy J works with. She doesn't seem ready to embark on a full-on relationship...but that may be because she's still crushing on a guy from work.

Speaking of crushes...

A and L embarked on 3 weeks of law school competitions called moots (apparently it's some kind of mock trial thing...) and spent the entire time with basically no sleep and far too much coffee and stress. They were known to start screaming at people in the street and their friends and break our into hysterical laughter. They found themselves competing against the same team 3 times, including in the grand final, consisting of 2 very attractive and brilliant speaking guys and a cool girl they got blind drunk with after the final. A nearly got in a physical fight with one of the guys after she accused him of stealing her arguments, L flipped out at one of the judges who accused her voice of being too soft when the microphone had conked out just before she started speaking. And in the end, the two guys won. A and L were not pleased, though the other team was admittedly amazing on the night. Sometimes it's just not your time. The important thing was that there was copious drinks to be had afterward, resulting in trying to pay for a taxi with a public transport ticket. It makes it all worth it in the end. Even if they did get crushed.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

What we're doing this month...

Loving: The Voice, tacky though it is
Listening to: The Darkness
Crushing on: Ryan Kwanten
Worshipping: Emily Blunt. Too cool.

Eating: gooey chocolate brownies
Drinking: vodka martini...shaken not stirred. Since Bond isn't anymore.
Rocking: bright coloured jumpers
V is for Vengeance by Sue Grafton
Failing: to figure out the changes in the train timetable.