A day in the life of...

The young have something no one else has or ever will have. Time.

It's true. We are smart, beautiful and...alcoholic.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

"Beer Bad"

Why is it that one can drink vodka all day and all night without a hangover, but down a couple of beers and you think your brain is leaking out of your ears come morning? You feel bloated and gross and even that McMuffin you ordered from Hungry Jack's isn't solving the problem. Ugh.

Unfortunately we have friends who only drink beer. Well that and cider because it's become the 'it' drink of the past year but does anyone actually like cider? It's like a bizzare mix of wine and beer. Tastes fruity but bloats you up and costs more than either beer or wine (ir you're cheap and buy the $2 bottle sort). So steer clear people.

A has been partying with her new work friends. She's sort of cut herself off from her old workmates, inluding Hottie, which is sad because they were the fun and alcoholic sort who were happy to rock up to work the next day wasted. Her new crew is amusing, but they still give her odd stares when she dances on tables and are committed to between 1 and 5 drinks a night while A is committed between 20 and 30. The problem is that they're all fashionistas and when you wear a thousand dollar outfit that sits just so and you can't move around that much in it, there's no chance of getting sweaty on a dancefloor. The outfit just wouldn't work otherwise. A has a whole wardrobe full of black dresses full of rips that she wears out and about and couldn't care less if they end up shredded or stained. Plus, there't the beer bloating.

J has been frequenting numerous concerts with her Druggie friend. Druggie is surprisingly sweet for someone who does every drug under the sun and has vicsious physical fights with her boyfriend when they're both on acid and they wind up in the hospital. Since H is out of the picture and A turns her nose up at drugs J has had to find someone else with whom to share her fun. She could probably choose sometimes-boyfriend Motley Crue but she's a bit worried about him. The rest of us may seem like alcoholics, but Motley makes us look like little girls. The concern started when J realised she'd never actually seen him sober and even when she rang him on weekdays he was usually downing a slab and smoking on the back porch. Wasted. Constantly. She went out to a gig with him one Saturday night and watched as he drank his way through 4o standard drinks, ignored her most of the night and passed out in her bed (no sex which was possible what pissed her off the most) not to wake up until the following eveing when she was getting home from work. Lucky her parents were out of town. He also had a court case one morning to which he rocked up late, hungover, suitless and pleaded not guilty; basically ignoring all of A's legal advice. He ended up with a massice fine and a suspended sentence. Not cool. So J's sticking with Druggie for now. After all, there are some concerts you just have to be high on pot for.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

"Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!"

Things have been quiet around here lately...

It feels like the end of the uni semester even though exams are still a couple of weeks away...damn all the mid-semester assessments coming in a rush and leaving us all feeling like the semester it well and truely over and it's time for us to party...when cramming time is really just around the corner. Time to stock up on energy drinks.

Last week was the...well I was going to say 'annual' but it's clearly more often that that, especially if you attend every uni's/faculty's... booze cruise which is always a fun night. A, J and L all on the same boat, along with a mixture of new and old uni friends? J and L had a nice little heart-to-heart, the kind they didn't think they'd ever have. In the drunken spirit they told each other how much they miss how close they are and blah blah blah. L was shocked to learn J has an actual boyfriend (being Motley Crue) especially when she informed J that she'd broken up with secret admirier because he 'took up too much time'. Even though these days L is unemployed and has basically no social life. J tried to warn L about the psychoticness that is K but L didn't appear to believe her. When she started to sober up J realised nothing will ever change between her and L. Fo whatever reason, L just doesn't trust her the way she used to. She's chosen K over J and A. A has already come to the conclusion that she and L will never be the close friends they were but now she is at elast able to be a uni buddy of hers and talk civilly about their weekends in class.

After the emotionally heavy comversation J took it as an opportunity to get really, really drunk. She made use of the open bar and got to the point she'd had to much to drink she was swaying and couldn't walk and was throwing up over the edge of the boat. Luckily the river's disgusting anyway. Who should she spot while in this hideous drunken stuper? Her ernstwhile lover Justin of course. Apparently refreshed from a recent trip overseas and holding hands with a gorgeous blonde who was somehow even taller than J. J never expected to be jealous of Justin, whose company she didn't even enjoy when they were together. And she probably wouldn't have been if it wasn't for her booze-fuelled rage. As it was she grabbed A and started mumbling uncoherantly, 'does she known he's bad in bed?' 'I should probably go tell her he can't get it up right?'. The uni friends weren't amused. A was concerned J was going to make a fool of herself. Somehow J managed to escape from A's watchful eye and had a little chat with Justin. No one knows what was said. A did manage to corner Justin later in the night to try and undo some of the damage. Unfortunately Justin seemed more interested in interrogating A. 'You and Gaga had good sex right?' Um...what the fuck? A was suddenly wishing it was Gaga, Justin's friend A slept with a few times, who was on the boat and not Justin. At least Gaga was funny and didn't make awkward jokes. At least...Justin was joking right? Perhaps not. He then told A he wanted to have sex with Gaga. Enter extreme awkward. A decided when J woke up she wouldn't give a shit what Justin thought of her and she got out of there quick smart.

By the time they got off the boat, L had barely had anything to drink, J was covered in vomit and A had made out with one of the guys from her advanced calculus class.

Is it really any wonder J just hung out with Motley for the rest of the weekend and A spent all her time at the footy with her brother?

Saturday, May 7, 2011

"Let's get physical"

Gym haters unite!

Come on admit it, no one actually likes sweating it out on a treadmill surrounded by weird smelling dudes trying to check out your boobs or overly-muscled females with way too much time on their hands. Don't these people have jobs or, y'know, lives?? Well okay, maybe gym junkie enjoys it there, but she's friends with K so what does she know?

A has always had this thing about exercise. Unless it's 'incidental' forget about it, she'll be up at the local Maccas demanding quarter pounders. She'll throw a few punches in fights, or run away from cops and ticket inspectors but she won't do anything resembling organised exercise. And she's still tiny. Go figure.

J prefers an all natural version of exercise. As in, she runs almost every day and has for about the past seven years. She'll run with a hangover or after an angonising long day working. She doesn't work out in gyms though. She frequently goes to the pool to swim, but she usually swims in the indoor pool suring summer and the outdoor pool during winter to avoid actually having to be around other people. Solo exercise.

M has never been a huge gym fan either. She goes there sometimes for yoga or pilates classes but admits she hates going there simply to 'work out' and finds most of the classes kind of creepy and filled with middle-aged yuppies in thousand dollar tracksuits.

So where's all this leading? G and her recent horror gym stories.

G recently started going to the gym with one of her exercise bunny friends. This was her first mistake, as gym virgins should never go the gym with gym sluts because they have completely different expectations. The gym slut will know everyone there by first name, and want to spend an hour doing weights followed by intensive cardio and maybe a boxercise class. They have all these funny rules and etiquette the gym virgin is not yet familiar with and are not silent about pointing these out. The gym virgin will be exhausted and have aching muscles after two minutes on an exercise bike and will spent the rest of the 'gym session' pigging out on ice-cream at the gym cafe.

G, much to our admiration though, did not give up on the first sessions and kept going back with her friend in determination to get fit. Truth was, she just really liked their ice-cream. But the fifteen minutes on the exercise bike was at least something she could be proud of right? Anyway after a couple of weeks (like 5, and 10 gym sessions) G started to notice a creepy older man was always watching her while she was at the gym. You know, the fifty and balding and wearing a sweat-soaked grey singlet kind. It takes G a bit longer to realise a guy is looking at her than the rest of us because G basically hasn't been single since she was 16. Us single girls know when a guy is looking for some. Which is always, but that's beside the point. G mentioned said creepy guy to her friend who told her not to worry about it and that older men often perved on the younger girls working out at her gym because it was the only chance they got. G decided to brush it off.

That is, until G spotted the creepy old man walking up and down her street. And then later, shopping at her supermarket.

She started to freak out. Who was this guy? Was he suddenly stalking her?

It was one of the moments where G wished her boyfriend was twice his size and a bit more threatening and tough guy. Then she could have turned him loose on the older guy and solved all the problems. The way things are though she would have been better served setting A on him, or maybe K.

G stopped attending the gym and the guy stopped been seeing eveywhere she went.

End of story? Not quite. Two weeks later the police arrived at the gym (G's friend was there, G herself wasn't) and arrested the older man and took him away in handcuffs. One can only speculate what for...

Sunday, May 1, 2011

What we're doing this month...

Loving: Boston Legal, the best law show ever.
Listening to: The Foo Fighters
Crushing on: Johnny Depp circa 21 Jump Street
Worshipping: The ANZACs
Eating: anything Mexican
Drinking: sangria!
Rocking: tarten...it's long been our favourite fabric in shirts but now we're wearing it in skirts, shoes and bags...and stockings.
Reading: The Beautiful and the Damned by F Scott Fitzgerald.
Failing: to have any interest in the Royal Wedding

"It's all Greek to me"

It's always refreshing to know that there are other people out there having just as many dramas and crazy crap in their friendship groups as we are in ours. Even if their problems are to do with religion and ours never are.

One of our mutual friends is Arabic and a devout Muslim. Hey, who says we aren't tolerant of other faiths and cultures? She doesn't believe in drinking, pre-marital sex, working for a living or many other things that make up who most of us are but that doesn't mean we can't all get along. She's a lovely girl and full of opinions that we agree with. We just don't argue about politics, feminism or religion around her.

Anyway she's only 22 but her father is eager to marry her off and she's recently been introduced to a family-approved suitar. Their courtship has been going for a couple of weeks and there are strict rules surrounding how they can both act and when and where and with whom they may see each other. It sounds like hell to some people (namely, us) but she's eager to get married (or at least engaged) despite her age and the two of them have been getting along surprisingly well, especially considering some of the horror stories surrounding family set-ups.

It's actually kind of sweet in a Jane Austen sort of way to watch them flirt in the company of their parents and yet not be able to touch.

The problem is, the fact that she's getting along with the new guy and is already talking about potential engagments and weddings is causing a number of problems with her group of friends.

Many of the girls are jealous. Some of them have been through arrangments that have gone terribly, with men that are unsuitable for a number of reasons, usually their personailty or job porspects. Some of them haven't had a chance to meet a family-approved guy. Some of them have had relationships with unsuitable candidates that have ended badly because of their families. While they should be happy that their friend has lucked out the first time round their jealously is turning them bitchy. Some of them refuse to talk to her about him, some refuse to talk to her at all, some are just bitches to her (and his) face.

Some friends not from her background don't understand and have been making rude comments about the entire process. While it may not be for them, they should at least show some support.

Her few guy friends feel alienated and one is particularly upset because he's always been interested in her and thought they may have a chance but with this new guy who's everything she ever dreamed of (cute, funny, smart, wealthy, good family and with the same religion and bakcground) he can see his chances going up in smoke.

It should be one of the happiest times of her life but she's feeling lonely and upset about it. Surely this shouldn't be how you feel when you meet the love of your life? We're her friends yes but we're not really cut out for the culture shock courtship. Is it too much to ask that she can turn to her friends who do understand what she's going though?