A day in the life of...

The young have something no one else has or ever will have. Time.

It's true. We are smart, beautiful and...alcoholic.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

"I don't understand. Before you were jealous of me, now you're jealous of him." "Ah, I'm jealous of everybody."

Poor K. She's just so jealous about J and Motley Crue and she just isn't doing a good job at all hiding it. She wants to be all anti-guy and anti-sex like A but she just doesn't have it in her. She's always been desperate for men and committment and it's not a habit you can kick in a day.

It's not like J is one of those obsessive girlfriends. Seeing Motley once a week is more than enough. She refuses to call him her boyfriend and says she just doesn't want to put a label on it which probably means she refuses to be exclusive. She won't introduce him to her family no matter how many hints she drops. She only answers about one in every five of his calls and never calls him. She doesn't even talk about him that much, except if he's directly related to the conversation or someone asks about him.

But K has a problem with the whole relationship. She has a problem with the fact that it's J in the relationship. She acts nice to J's face but then turns around and bitches about it. She's been complaining to A for weeks that all J ever talks about is her new boyfriend, which isn't even true. She's perfectly sweet to Motely but then she makes snide remarks to J about how he's job/looks/personality aren't so great. She makes a face at B every time she hears his name or anything related to him.

Then again, maybe she has reason to be paranoid. Remember secret admirer and accidental date? Why couldn't she have gotten rid of them instead?

Tuesday, March 22, 2011


Question of the moment: can you be cock-blocked if you're a girl?

I mean it makes sense doesn't it? Just because you don't have a cock you can still be...uh, blocked from it entering you. Right??

Monday, March 21, 2011

"Nobody likes you when you're 23, and are still more amused by prank phone calls"

The past weekend was A's birthday and it was giant night, suiting A's personality and party vibe. The only rule: if you're not drunk, don't bother to show up. Those who didn't show up included L, H, S and Hottie.

K and B started the night at work with gym junkie but were quick to start on the champagne while serving customers. Sneaky shots in between handing out pizzas is always a good plan. They rocked up a little late which meant they had to wait in line, but K managed to talk her way in without waiting...B flashing a little extra flesh may also have helped. Soon enough they were crazy dancing although it took them a good hour before they spotted A despite her bright blue hair which has become her calling card. Halfway through the night B thought she spotted one-night-stand and went to make out with him but it turned out it wasn't him and his girlfriend started a massive screaming fit with B. K alerted the bouncers and managed to get the girlfriend kicked out. B spent the rest of the night with the guy, but opted for maccas rather than going back to his house.

C had a twenty-first to go to before A's, but of course put in an appearence. He got incredibly drunk playing drinking games at his first party and is not entirely sure how he got to A's. He knows he was on a tram at one point and that he stopped for pizza (because he found some of it on his shirt the following morning) but other than that isn't sure how he managed to convince someone to let him in. He found a girl with blue hair who he assumed to be A and was chatting (well yelling random comments) and dancing with her only to be approached by the real A later who was like 'who is this bitch who has stolen my hair colour and my friend?' C quickly backtracked and the two of them were dancing on stage with one of the DJs until C though stagediving would be fun and managed to get himself kicked out. He woke up in a gutter the next morning not entirely sure what happened but is pretty sure he's pieced most of his night together from subsequent phone conversations.

J decided to invite Motley Crue along, and then wondered why. She's always been a single girl at heart and having a boyfriend cramps her flirty style. Luckily for her Motley didn't show up until late because he had a concert to go to. A concert where he got a huge gash just above his eye so that when he did arrive J had to spend the rest of the night wiping it carefully with a tissue. She was not too impressed with this although at least she had someone to join for a smoke.

Dumbass came along with a group of his friends (some from campus living, some not) but no one saw much of them. They did a few shots with A and then a few of them got involved in a huge punch-on in the middle of the room...

G came along with her boyfriend and a few others. One of her red-headed friends hooked up with another red-head and started to panic and began running around screaming because it is her one life rule not to hook up with another red-head so as to prevent ranga babies. G got pissed off when her boyfriend started dirty dancing with another girl and they got into a big screaming match. He decided to leave early with another of G's friends. Dumbass thought this meant G's boyfriend had actually gone home with another girl and got really upset on G's behalf and threatened to punch the guy up. G's boyfriend is kind of wimpy. There was no actual fight but G and Dumbass did make out and now G feels really guilty about it and isn't sure whether to tell her boyfriend or not.

M put in a late appearence after going skydiving that morning but despite drinking an entire bottle of wine beforehand didn't seem that drunk. She had fun dancing with a few random people but didn't get up to any antics much to A's general dissapointment.

A herself got in a fight with one of the bouncers after throwing a beer glass across the floor (she'd previously skulled it in about 10 seconds) and said 'i'll be throwing you across the floor in a minute'. Luckily for everyone though she soon got distracted meeting her friends and encouraging them to drink up. She started a mosh pit in the middle of the room. With the help of a random guy they soon managed to have everyone running in circles and slamming into each other. She was then dancing on a pool table and threatening to choke the other blue-haired girl with her own hair.

Several of A's friends from uni and work showed up but they all seemed a little scared and headed home before the night was over. Some people just can't handle A's birthday. The next morning A found herself throwing up in the shower before heading off to work. J had to sneak Motley Crue out of her bed and her neighbourhood. Luckily he brought a bike.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

"What is Chandler Bing's job?"

K is starting to get worried about L. She never sees her old friend anymore and is starting to suspect their friendship may follow the same path as her friendship with H, which is non-existant currently. Ever since she first hooked up with secret admirer L has been more distant. It was understandable after they first hooked up because naturally she wanted to spend time with her new guy. But then she slowly started to withdraw herself from our lives. At one point she made the decision to throw herself into her schoolwork completely, breaking up with secret admirer and quitting all her jobs and extracurriculars. The only person she was seeing socially was an old family friend from primary school. Over the holidays we didn't see much of her at all, and she didn't appear to be doing much else. She was single and unemployed, but every time K or someone else suggested plans she rejected them because she was busy. We pretty much got used to not seeing her. Gettine back to uni, L informed A she had recently gotten back together with secret admirer which A was enthusiastic about and suggested we all catch up. L seemed uninterested. When K heard this she started emailing L and telling her how disappointed she was in the friendship and how sad it was that they could have gotten to the point where L wasn't telling her when she got back together with her old boyfriend. The issues continued when J somehow missed an invite to L's birthday and no one then showed up. Rumour has it the birthday consisted of secret admirer, the old family friend and one random friend from high school. The truth is it's like L has faded from her life, we don't feel we know her at all really. K's attempts to contact her don't seem to be going well at all. A is barely even speaking to her when they share a class. It's hard to know what to say to her.

B suspects L no longer wants to hang out with us because we drink too much and L is worried that's going to affect her academically. But it's not like all we do are alcohol related activities. M reminded us that she doesn't drink all that much and prefers going out to dinners or musicals but she hasn't heard from L either. Not to mention A and J have always got better marks than L no matter waht they're doing on weekends. But perhaps K has the best argument against this: if it was true, how could L not have mentioned it? If she's truely worried about our drinking habits by cutting off without talking about it doesn't that just make her a terrible friend? Possibly even a terrible person?

J thinks the main reason is because L has a boyfriend. Which doesn't make all that much sense since L was making a real effort to juggle all of us when she first started seeing secret admirer and it was when they broke up that she seemed to become MIA.

K thinks L is is depressed about H. She also thought she may be having second thoughts about breaking up with secret admirer but that seems less relevant now that they are back together.

It is hard to believe L would throw us all away for no apparent reason. Who was she hanging out with all summer. Further than that, what was she doing all summer? It wasn't secret admirer, they only got back together just in time for the new semester. Like with H it is impossible to figure out exactly what is going on.

Friday, March 11, 2011

"Hey Miss Murder can I, make beauty stay if I, take my life?"

Living on campus is a beautiful thing.

Being uni students, we've long since been aware that the campus kids are all a bunch of alcoholics who seem to be having the time of their lives. Being city slickers, we've never actually known any of the 'college kids' as they're dubbed because they tend to hang around in their own little clubs shunning the rest of us (there's a few entertaining stories about both J and C and the college kids in the first year but that's a story for another time).

Until now.

With L going MIA, A has had to find a few new uni buddies to hang around with. Luckily her Dumbass cousin (okay that's a bit cruel, he's actually a very fun guy just not the brightest tool in the shed) has moved from Brisbane to a college on campus and she's pretending to be a college kid to participate in their drinking games and make new friends. And the free food of course. It's not for the faint-of-heart this college kid stuff.

One of the common activities seems to be puking contests. Last night's involved the participants (A and Dumbass first in) downing 4 litres of milk. The first to finish one. Well I don't know what the exact capactiy of the human stomach is but it appears to be less than 4 litres. Plus, it's milk. Stuff designed to make even the lactose-very-tolerant ill if drunk in large quantities. Not to mention the added food dye, just for laughs. Apparently Dumbass loves a good spew and really enjoyed himself, finishing a solid second. A is not so much a vomit lover. Known for a stomach of steal she rarely throws up despite her tendancy to drink entire bottles of burbon and follow it up with 2 large Maccas meals. She struggled. Winning after the first 2 litres of milk, it was the throwing up and then keep drinking part that got her. Afterwoods several girls went 'mud-wrestling' in the vomit. A slept on Dumbass's floor.

College kids do have wild parties though. J joined A and her new college friends for a rubix cube party where everyone swaps clothes to acheive certain colours. Dumbass squeezed into some chick's tiny red singlet while A happilt put on guys' clothes. She tried to keep J and Dumbass seperate knowing the trouble those two would cause if together. Of course as J pointed out she has a boyfriend now, Motley Crue. That most likely wouldn't stop her though. Luckily Dumbass had his eye on a hot French girl and only wanted J for her interpreting skills. A was busy in a cask wine skulling contest and going swimming in the uni moat- which is about 3 feet deep. A and J spent the night on Dumbass. Easy mac-and-cheese for breakfast. A is never coming home.

K is desperate for an invitation to a college kid party. A isn't so sure it would work out. Dumbass is as easy going as hell and has a tendancy to steal the underwear of high-strung girls and fly them from a flagpole. The two may eat each other up and spit them out.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

"Waking the demon, where'd you run to? Walking in shadows, watch the blood flow."

What is it about teenagers today? When did they become so...skanky? There are girls of fifteen talking about blow jobs and anal sex on trams, 12 year olds who are drinking in parks and tons of kids years away from voting age smoking pot and injecting heroin.

We were so not like that. Okay maybe we are kind of party animals these days, and maybe we drink and have sex and smoke the occasional joint but really...we haven't been teenagers for a long time. We all celebrated our eighteenth and twenty-first birthdays long enough ago that all the presents have long since been thrown up. When we were fifteen and sixteen we were baking cupcakes and playing cricket in the park and having water balloon fights. To be fair that's no longer an option what with the water restrictions and everything. But it does rain all the time anyway so who needs water balloons?

J may be as frigid as Samantha Jones now, but at sixteen the only thing she had pierced was her ears. A had never thrown a real punch. L and H didn't drink and studied for hours a night. K and B's idea of a wild night was family board game night.

You have to feel sorry for these kids. They don't have childhoods. You have your entire life to grow up, why would you want to rush it?

Saturday, March 5, 2011

"Hey, hey, I'm gonna ride insane"

It's hard to tell whether J is the bad influence on Motley Crue, or whether he's a bad influence on her. In the middle of the week (it being the first week of uni, but so what?) they decided to have a 'date' in the park, consisting of the two of them splitting a few bottles of wine and having sex on the playground. Then as a laugh they started climbing over this huge fence. Being drunk, J managed to get herself stuck but Motley Crue didn't appear to notice and tried to push her up. A large piece of rusted metal ended up in J's stomach and her large intestine started leaking out. They spen the rest of their night in the hospital waiting room for 6 hours. J had to get five stiches and was told to do no strenuous exercise. "What about a rock concert?" Motley Crue asked. Apparently that was fine. Apparently the doctor had never been to a rock concert.

The truth is, no matter what the doctor said, J would have been at the concert. She's in love with Queens of the Stone Age. She's in love with Josh Homme. Well, who wouldn't love a guy who has a bottle of vodka set up beside his mic and has written a song with lyrics consisting of 7 words, all of which are drugs? The point being J could hav been in a wheelchair, nothing was stopping her.

J and A saw them twice in two days. Along with several other metal and punk rock bands. It was a brutal mosh pit, and the two of them are brutal. A was punched in the face and got a blood nose. The guy that gave it to her received two black eyes for his efforts. Girls of all ages and sizes were getting dragged out of the crowd. J ripped her stickes and had fluid leaking down her legs but didn't stop jumping for a second. Today they are both covered in bruises and cannot raise their arms above their heads. J is going on a drinking/clubbing double date with Motley Crue and Bossman and his girlfriend. A is going ice-skating with new work friends. And thought a few shots beforehand were a good idea.

B and K are going the more traditional first-week-back-at-uni plan. They've both fallen ill, as often seems to happen at the beginning of the semester. They'll spend the weekend drinking tea with honey and doing their readings. Well, it will all pay off come exam time.

It was L's birthday party. B, K, A and J didn't attend. Neither did H, although she didn't get an invite since no one knows how to contact her. Perhaps it was just L and secret admirer? They were cute together before, now they are just nauseating.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

What we're doing this month...

Loving: play dates in the park
Listening to: Sevendust
Crushing on: Sean Connery circa Goldfinger
Worshipping: Charlie Sheen
Eating: Vietnamese pho bo
Drinking: Mojitos! For that late summer rush
Rocking: Levis 568s...yes they're guys jeans, so what?
(Re)Reading: Jack Kerouac's classic On the Road because we hear there's a movie coming out. Nothing against Kristen Stewart (except y'know, Twilight) but she cannot play Marylou!
Failing: to see how summer is over when it never really begun