A day in the life of...

The young have something no one else has or ever will have. Time.

It's true. We are smart, beautiful and...alcoholic.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

"They're 15 years old and pregnant. What should they look forward to - the next season of 'Teen Mom?'"

Sometimes you can have the best week ever and the worst week ever...in the same week.

J is having an awesome time with the guy she had a one-night-stand with in the park. Well I say 'the guy' but there's been a few. The most recent one. Let's call him Motley Crue because he has Tommy Lee hair and a good taste in music. Okay so he's a suburban guy and he's getting dangerously close to marrying age (which seems to be around 24 these days, at least with the surburban types, us city folk don't really consider marriage an option til our 3os) but he hasn't called J his girlfriend yet, he's fun and he likes sex in public places. And he thinks A's ranting and arguing and rambling is amusing rather than annoying. He's even helping J get over her phone phobia since he likes to call and now J has to pick up because her SIM card's fucked and she can't send text messages. They've spent an entire weekend together, hanging out in pubs and at the beach and in bed...uh, parks. She's even met his brother but no way is he getting an introduction to her parents even though he's been hinting. So J may not have a boyfriend exactly but this is the best time she's ever had with a guy and she still isn't sick of him after nearly 3 weeks!

Unfortunately the week hasn't been all good for J. She had her bag stolen while she was out for lunch with K and B, and a total of $600 was in that bag when you add up the cost of her ipod, phone etc. Further proof nothing good happens when the troublesome twins are involved? Nah, they've been fun lately. Well B still seems like K's puppet on a string but K has been fun lately, thus so has B. They even feel a bit sorry for J losing her handbag and have stopped debt-collecting her for at least a little while. K, B, J, A and T all went out for a night last week with a few other random mutual friends including G and her boyfriend and managed to have a good time. A few stolen stolen posters, a few stolen kisses...although B wasn't happy when J suggested the guy she'd just made out with looked like John Travolta.

It later turned out the work key had been in J's bag when it was stolen and she tried to call Bossman to let him know but he was out of the state. Somehow the big boss found out and started abusing J about losing her bag to which J yelled that it was stolen not lost and the two got in a huge argument resulting in J being on 'work probation'. On the plus side Bossman stood up for her and the pair are almost friends again. Only problem is now that J has a 'boyfriend' Bossman thinks it's okay to flirt with her constantly again. Oh well. At least they are getting along.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

"Singing in the rain"

There's nothing quite like running up and down the cobbled streets of Melbourne in your high heels when it's raining as heavily as you've ever seen it and there's water gushing down the roads like it's a river and you don't have an umbrella.

Even better when you're supposed to be on your way to a date.

Then, thanks to the public transport meltdown (Melbourne cannot handle weather above 30 or below 10, even though it frequently gets there) the date can't actually meet you and so texts you a new place to go. You're halfway to the new place when you get another text message mentioning another restaurant because apparently something was wrong with the last one. And your date is still running late. And you have no idea where you're going because the texted directions didn't make any sense.

What's with all the stupid texts? Why doesn't he just call? Oh yeah, you have phone phobia.

Welcome to the life of J and science geek. She's never seeing him again.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

"Tell me would you kill, to prove you're right"

Bossman has been basically ignoring J for weeks now, which is why there hasn't been much news on him. After he returned following his spell in hospital with a kidney infection he started making sure he and J don't have many shifts together and cancelling all their plans outside work. He's just celebrated his birthday and seems to have aged a decade. All he talks about now is being more mature and tut-tutting stories involving sex, drugs and rocknroll. This coming from the guy who once played in a band, has done everything that can be smoked or injected and had a mistress who used to whip him in a basement. J would much rather hang out with Ronald McDonald. She doesn't even care if Bossman quits his job to work somewhere more 'grown-up'. Maybe for the nude model agency he applied for.

She's also fighting with B and K. The twins suffered a mild family tragedy when their father was involved in a car accident a couple of weeks ago. He's okay but suffered a few broken bones. Everyone was pretty considerate and J asked B if she wanted to sell the ticket to the music festival they were supposed to be going to. B said no, that it would be fine. Then the day before the festival B told J that she wouldn't be able to go because her dad was having an operation. J was sympathetic...until she bumped into T. J saw B and K's older sister T at the supermarket and told her she was sorry about her dad. T told J he was fine and that there was no operation. J couldn't believe it. Yeah B lies, but using her sick dad as an excuse was way past awful. Pissed off she then told B she was taking Ronald McDonald instead. B didn't reply her text but several hours later K rang her to demand she give them the ticket so they could sell it. At this point it was about 10 hours until the beginning of the festival. J hung up on K and is refusing to talk to either of them. Apparently there's some party of one of K's friends and the twins and gym junkie are going.

J and Ronald McDonald are becoming closer though and she caught up with P the other night. She thought P would be enjoying the single life but he's a bit depressed after breaking up with his boyfriend. Instead of drinking they went out for dinner. Apparently these days all P drinks is tea. J's a bit worried about him and is determined to fix him up with someone new. She's thinking A's friend from work who wears girls clothes would be a good match, if she can convince him to go out with someone over twenty.

Meanwhile A has quit her old job and got a new one, as has Hottie. They both claim it has nothing to do with the awkwardness of him being engaged. A part of A still wants to be friends with Hottie because he's just generally a fun person but she's worried it could be awkward. Maybe if you didn't make out with engaged people you wouldn't have a problem...

Oh, and L's back with secret admirer.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

"I'm not insane! My mother had me tested."

Cyclones in Queensland. Flash floods in Melbourne. Wacky weather all over the planet. That would never stop us.

J joined K, B and M for what was supposed to be a girl's night out, no boys allowed. Well that would be all well and good except B and K were acting weird and ignoring the other 2 for most of the night. Naturally J got pissed off at the pair of them and proceded to get extremely drunk and make out with several guys. She tried to explain to M that 'Whenever I go out with the twins and A, L and H aren't there I throw up. They just make me sick'. M thought J was being a drama queen. That and she didn't really want to hang around and look creepy watching J hook up so she went to hang out with B and K but had a miserable time as they prefered laughing at their own in-jokes and not talking to her. B and K left early and M spent an hour looking for J but couldn't find her. J doesn't exactly remember what happened except that she lost her phone and had to pay extra for the cab because she threw up in it. Going out with the twins really does make her sick.

Following the night out M invited J around to introduce her to her new friends from the bakery where she now works. M works the counter, all her friends are unsurprisingly bakers. A came along as well, for no other reason than she likes a few glasses of wine. K and B promised they'd make it but had to work late and didn't show up. Upon arriving J and A quickly realised it wasn't their sort of crowd. The conversation veered towards Xbox and computer megabytes and they were the only 2 drinking. It was like stumbling into an episode of The IT Crowd. A TV show we don't even find funny. It got even worse when M confessed she had a thing for one of the guys. It wasn't hard to see which one. She was all over one of the guys, flirting madly and pretending to share interests when she clearly didn't. She has never before used the phrase 'beta downloading' or at least we've never heard it. At least one of the guys could play the guitar. Well, he could play one song that being Oasis's Wonderwall, which A made bitchily obvious ('what, you can't play anything else?') but still. It's guitar. Anyway M didn't even make out with the guy she liked despite disappearing alone with him.

After all these social disasters and The Big Baker Theory J and A decided it was time they had a night to themselves. They started at the pub. A got busy drinking with a mother who'd forgotten her daughter's first day of school. J had to run home because she forgot her ID. She fell over on the way and didn't even get carded. They took trips in a tram with a broken window. The broken window wasn't even their fault. J vanished and A soon spotted her being felt up by a guy in the corner. A had to make her own fun. She got in a bitchfight with some random girl and managed to lock her in a bathroom stall. She then made out with some dude for 3 hours but refused to go home with him because of her stupid man-hate/no-sex thing. She also gave him a fake number and did a runner when he tried to prank call her. J got bored with the awkward guy she was first with and found a much more amusing guy to hang out with when she couldn't find A. She had a fun time with him and ended up having sex in a park (if you knew where J had been you wouldn't leave your house) and walking home in the rain at 6:30 the next morning.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

What we're doing this month...

Loving: music festivals and sweaty mosh pits
Listening to: Rammstein...crazy fuckers
Crushing on: the entire True Blood cast
Worshipping: Iggy Pop
Eating: Ice-cream
Drinking: any booze that happens to be duty free
Rocking: denim shorts
Reading: Linda Fairstein's Alex Cooper novels- sex crimes prosector mystery/thrillers
Failing: to cover up the battle scars