A day in the life of...

The young have something no one else has or ever will have. Time.

It's true. We are smart, beautiful and...alcoholic.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

"Don't you know people write songs about girls like you"

E recently made an announcement. He's been offered a new job. It's a great opportunity, and a job in the field he actually wants to work in (graphic design) rather than the hospitality waiter/barista jobs he's been working for the past few years. The only hitch? The job is in New Zealand. It's also only a limited tenure 6-month contract, but the company has let him know there is possibilty for extension if the project he will be working on goes well.

It should all be pretty exciting. A new job, a job you've been working towards for years, and a chance to travel and live overseas. Except for E's new relationship with M.

Actually, M doesn't mind. She's planning on traveling for over a month fairly soon and feels their relationship is strong enough to survive the distance. Plus, it's only 6 months. However E wants her to move over with him and M isn't prepared to do that. They haven't been together that long and she has plans for herself in the new year. She's thinking of going back to school and dong some study or at least changing jobs (she is so sick of IT!) and setting up for her career and future. Plus, she's already been to New Zealand and has no desire to live there. E isn't exactly happy. This is the kind of guy that wasn't pleased when his girlfriend took a beach vacaction without him. It could be his history of dating psychotic girls, but he isn't used to being with someone as easygoing and perhaps blase as M. She doesn't understand what he's so worried about and why he keeps acting jealous. They've known each other forever and been good friends for a long time. What is he worrying about? Let's just hope the two of them can stay together at least before the distance becomes a problem.

J bumped into an ancient hook-up of hers vampire a few days ago and shacked up with him for several nights. It was well and good until he asked her what she was doing for New Year's Eve and became upset when her plans didn't include him. Exactly what was he expecting? A few days of sex do not a relationship make, and they aren't quite friends either. J quickly cut him loose and is now ignoring texts from him suggesting they catch up in the new year. He became clingy way too fast and that is never a good sign for future involvement. J's a bit disappointed with that, because he can do amazing things with his tongue...

A is amazed with how nice dinner date is. He is really spoiling her, taking her out for (moderately) expensive dinners, making her pancakes for breakfast in the morning and sending her cute messages when he hasn't seen her in a few days. The complete opposite of V, who only calls her for a booty call. A is getting exhausted by the niceness though and he makes her feel guilty because she is never that nice.

Monday, December 26, 2011

"Bring a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until someone passes out. Then bring one every ten minutes."

L and A joined a few uni friends for ice-skating as part of a christmas celebration. L is completely uncoordinated, and spent most of the time gripping the handrail with a tightly clenched white fist and gasping in terror while several of her smart arse friends wizzed by, spraying ice into her face. A isn't exactly athletic unless someone pisses her off, but compared to L she was practically Michelle Kwan. At least she could skate around and didn't walk out with ice burns.

Afterwoods, A naturally suggested drinks and happy hour begun with 2-for-1 cocktails and cheap beer. A was soon dancing on the decidedly quiet bar, much to the amusement of the bartender. He even joined her for a bit, as did L. The others however were more content to stare openmouthed. A then sent a bunch of mocking photos to the guy she is currently trying to piss off after he defaced her guestbook message at a recent wedding and stomped on her feet during the traditional dancing. L tried to stop her, but there will be no peace until there is a surrender.

A is also still seeing dinner date, however it has progressed from fast food after nights out to actual (gasp!) real food at a normal time of day. Of course A usually has a few shots prior and a wine on arrival but she is still (gasp!) dating this guy. And having sex with him apparently, not to mention V. Dinner date seems a sweet guy despite his tongue piercing and bass guitar, but that may be his failing. A has never been the sort to go for nice guys. No, she goes for arrogant arseholes and cheating people wearing an engagement ring.

J nearly missed a conert she went to with Druggie after meeting her out in the suburbs and smoking too much of something that wasn't tobacco. They missed the support band but just made it in time. Lucky, because J hates to miss a mosh pit no matter what kind of funny fags she's been smoking. Druggie was still a bit odd and standoffish, but that may be because she'd just come off a three day bender and hadn't slept and was looking like Alice Cooper on a really bad day.

J has also been successfully avoiding Motley Crue and Wow, but she did have to face a disaster family christmas where everyone but her was part of a couple. Her (now apparently sappy) cousins brought along girls they'd been dating less than 6 months and spent most of dinner ignoring J and holding hands and whispering to each other. It was almost too much for J when there were a few outside drinks but they had to go inside because one of the girlfriends was too cold. It was a warm, if not hot, 26C day. J had no idea how to escape the swarm of couples and it made her sick to the stomach. She drank and smoked heavily before throwing up behind some bushes. She sees her cousins approximately twice a year and they see their girlfriends all the time, but had no interest in talking to her or anyone else for that matter. And who even brings 6-month-old girlfriends? They'll be someone else next year. It's enough to make anyone physically ill, let alone someone who's just sculled a bottle of grapa.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

"And a partridge in a pear tree"

Merry Christmas everyone!

The one day a year where it is completely acceptable to have a dozen bottles of wine and 2 slabs for a party of seven people.

After all, we wouldn't want any unexpected guests to go thirsty, would we?

Thursday, December 15, 2011

"Wait a minute...nice boys don't kiss like that." "Oh yes they fucking do."

A was surprised to find V presenting her with a Big Day Out ticket as a 'just because' present. They're not gifting types of people. Or even acting like any normal couple types of people. They hit a bed together and then they go their separate ways. And Big Day out tickets are not exactly cheap. Of course, A and J had their credit cards out the second they went on sale but still, it was very thoughtful.

Most likely it was an apology for the other night when A went out drinking at a bar with C and a few of his friends and spotted V in the corner groping some blonde bimbo in a non-existent skirt. He had earlier told A he was DJing at another club that night and they hadn't seen each other since his holiday up north. A said nothing at the time but spotted the same blonde bimbo smirking at her in a coffee shop near her work a day later. She couldn't wipe that smug i-fucked-your-boyfriend look off her face.

Either way A felt like she should show her gratitude (even though she will most likely be selling the ticket on ebay, or to L) and wound up inviting him as her date to her grandma's 80th birthday. She regretted it straight away since her family is intense, usually drunk and very aggressive and inquisitorial and well...she doesn't even like V that much. He just happens to be good in bed.The 80th birthday was a garden party full of most of A's family and a lot of red wine. V seemed to be taking the event very seriously and was on his best behaviour. Despite the intense stares and questioning as the first guy A has ever brought to a family event he held up well. He was charming and smart and funny and almost perfect. The only awkward moment came when A's grandma pulled her to the side and said "Who is that lovely nice boy you're with? Is it serious?" A had no idea what to say. She looked blank and ummed and ahhed until her grandma gave her a knowing smile and said, "Ah, he's one of those 'friends with benefits' yes? Like in the movies." A constantly underestimates her Betty White-esque grandma. "Well, you shouldn't let that one go," she added.

Of all the things in her life, A never though V would get the seal of approval from her gran.

Guess dinner date is going to have to work a bit harder to win her affections.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

"Staying here will only breed obsession, and I'm already obsessed"

Homewrecker? Whom, moi?

C has just returned from a vaction bike ride, where he naturally spent most of his time all but injecting alcohol into his veins and passed out in the back of some dude's truck. He didn't actually get on a bike which is probably a good thing not just for him but any other drivers or pedestrains on the road.

Of course, despite the fact that many people think he's gay when they first meet him, C is quite good with women. Extremely good. He met two very attractive girls on the first night and spent the night downing shots and flirting. He and one of the girls innocently kissed but that was all. The following day she confessed she had a boyfriend and C quickly backed away, claiming he doesn't do complicated. Instead he had sex with the other girl in the bushes. She used to be an acrobat and was a fan of casual sex so it was pretty much the perfect night in C's opinion. The next day the pair hung out as friends, nothing awkward. Meanwhile the first cornered C and told him she hoped they could be friends and not have things complicated. C eagerly agreed but one thing lead to another and they ended up having (fairly ordinary, in C's opinion) sex. They continued to hook up for the rest of the trip but C much preferred chatting and hanging with the acrobat.

After they got back from the trip the girl (not the acrobat, she was cool and they're now friends) tested C to tell him she'd broken up with her boyfriend. C decided not to respond as he wasn't sure how. He then noticed her facebook status: bad day, broke up with my boyfriend and the guy i'm in love with isn't talking to me. C started to freak out. When exactly did she fall 'in love' with him? What happened to uncomplicated? Fortunately the problem was solved by hitting delete and block on facebook. You little homewrecker C.

But C could never beat J for a ridiculous situation. If he's a homewrecker, she's managed to become a lesbian homewrecker. After a massive Thursday night J had a black memory and was surprised to wake up in bed next to a woman she'd never met before. Apparently the women was a lesbian (who'd been in a long-term 6 year relationship) and the pair had made out the night before. J couldn't recall that at all, but she was fairly drunk. Still, J is usually on the prowl for potential men and doesn't swing both ways. The woman was also a few years older and not very attractive. J send the woman home and continued her merry way...until she spotted the woman out at a club that night when she was with Druggie and Ronald McDonald. The woman came and flirted with J and they ended up getting in the same cab. They were supposed to be going their separate ways, but when the taxi got to J's place she got out as well. The cab was gone by the time J realised and she let the woman stay the night on her bedroom floor. When she woke up the woman was gone and J had a new text: thanks for making me walk the 14km home. J had a slight what-the-fuck freakout but figured the weird experience was over.

However later that day J received a phone call from the woman's partner saying that she though the woman was going to leave her for J. J started to get very nervous and tried to explain that she was straight and nothing even happened. She's starting to become convinced they never even kissed. Since then, she's received a few calls and messages from the woman wanting to catch up. J has followed C's move and deleted and blocked.

What, is it the season for crazy stalkers or something?

Monday, December 12, 2011

"Very well, then. War!"

A has a reputation for being violent and aggressive, but usually it's all fun and games. It's mostly just joking around and she doesn't get that physical in daily life. Her bitchy comments are usually just jokes and she throws most of her punches in mosh pits where it's perfectly socially acceptable to fight strangers. But everyone should remember that there's still a reason she has such a reputation, and that's because when someone pisses A off they always lose. Physically and verbally, no one wants to go a few rounds with her.

Many of her friendships are characterised by joking around and playful insults, and such is the case with her group of uni friends. However a couple of months ago one of her friends suggested she was being a little harsh to another one of their friends who was particularly sensitive. A made a big apology and has gone out of her way to be nice to him for the last few months. However everyone has continued talking (joking in most cases) about how she's always a bitch to him, him included. A didn't really care. Since then it has in fact been him who's been a bit of a prick to her by 'forgetting' to invite her out once and generally ignoring her or making snide jokes about her intelligence etc. Apparently the tables had turned, and A became the victim.

Last weekend was a mutual friend's wedding (yeah, since when did we start attending weddings??) and he took it too far be defacing A's comment in the guestbook. A was really pissed off because it was an attack on their friend rather than her. The guestbook will be a memory of her special day forever and A was not pleased that her heartfelt message was ruined. She would probably have accepted it and moved on if he'd apologised, the way she had when the shoe was on the other foot and she had taken it too far, but when she confronted him he ignored it.

So now? Game on, except it's no game. Some intensely bitchy comments left A's mouth for the rest of the reception, to the point where one of their friends pulled her aside and suggest she turn it down a notch because he was almost in tears. A did, but only because she didn't want to ruin the wedding. In the future, his tears will mark her success.

Don't mess with A. She's fuckin' crazy.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

"What is your childhood trauma?"

The awkwardness of a one-night-stand with a guy who clearly doesn't get out much.

J has pretty much perfected one-night-stand etiquette over the years, and doesn't appreciate guys that don't seem to get it. There's no need to be an arsehole in the morning, or a week later, or pretend nothing happened. Keep it casual, keep it neat. In the morning it is important to be polite and civil, but not to outstay one's welcome. Unless it is clear you're both after morning sex, wake up before the other person, get dressed, say a polite goodbye (and ask for directions to the nearest train station) and get the hell out of here. If you ever see them again a simple 'hey man, how's it going' works wonders. After that, it's time to move on. If the person is at your house, in the morning ask them if they want a cab, which lets them know it's time to go without being rude. Basic conversation is fine, eg what are you up to today etc, asking for their number of suggesting you catch up the enxt day is not. If there is conversation one should always be friendly and cheerful (even if your head does feel like it's about to explode) and should never contain insults about their sex skills or appearence. If the other person is making conversation, it is important to participate and not answer in irritating and standoffish one-word answers.

It's all simple isn't be? Be courteous. There's no reason to not use your manners just because you've licked whipped cream off their dick is there?

Sadly for J, things haven't been all simple lately. A one-night-stand two weeks ago left her stranded out in the country with a very awkward, poncho-wearing guy. She should have known the night before when he admitted he was nervous and awkward that things weren't going to end well. Upon waking up, J got dressed and the guy woke up. J tried to make conversation but he basically ignored her. She asked how to get to the train station. He said he'd walk her. That was nice of him. Until he put on a poncho (and nothing else) walked J to the door and said 'it's that way' pointing down the street and slamming the door in J's face. The station of course was nowhere in sight.

J walked around for nearly an hour, asking directions of randoms. One guy gave her detailed directions and told her it was about 10 minutes. Five minutes later the same guy drove past in a car and asked her if she wanted a lift. He hadn't seemed creepy on the street, but suddenly in the car and with that crazy look in his eyes...J freaked out and ran the rest of the way to the station. It was not a fun morning, especially when she found out trains were cancelled and there was a crappy replacement bus.

She ran into the guy a week later and gave him a wave. He turned and ran in the other direction.

There really is no excuse for poor manners is there?

Sunday, December 4, 2011

"Dance, dance, we're falling apart to half time"

It's cold. So we're slathering up with peach body butter from The Body Shop. Because it smells like summer. And buying 6 bottles of red wine. 'Cos it's cheaper.

J has not been in a good mood this weekend. She was supposed to be chilling with Druggie. They'd rented a house on the beach and had planned to spend the whole time getting stoned and eating while staring off into the sunset. Perhaps not the best weather for it, and most of the beaches are still full of drunken 18-year-olds on schoolies trips but it would still have been fun. However Druggie bailed at the absolute last minute (J was actually at the train station with her luggage) because her possessive boyfriend apparently 'put his foot down' and refused to allow her to go.

Since when do we need the boys' permission to leave out house? M had to deal with this shit last week from the increasingly clingy E and she was not impressed. M refuses to be the kind of girlfriend who holes up in a bedroom with her boy watching Futurama repeats and eating nachos until they're both too fat to be seen in public and don't even talk to their housemates (*true story, although not involving M or E*). M's pretty normal though, especially compared to Durggie. Druggie and her boyfriend do have a weirdly intense relationship, characterised by mutual domestic abuse, acid freak-outs and hospitalisations. Unpleasant stuff. They aren't good for each other, but they love each other. Supposedly. What can you do?

Anyway, J was pretty damn pissed off when she realised she was left with a weekend's supply of weed, no friends and a massive bill for a holidays she never took. She decided to get massively fucked and blow out her memory of the night. Hence the weed and the 6 bottles of wine. She went clubbing with P and a bunch of her other gay friends since she hadn't hung out with them for awhile, but after throwing up on a transsexual and realising she wasn't going to get to have sex with anyone with a penis she ditched the gay boys to start looking for a hook-up at 3am in the city streets. The options thus being homeless hobos and male prostitutes. And apparently a guy J sees regularly at gigs and has never hooked up with. He told her he's wanted to have sex with her since the very first time he saw her (probably about 9 months ago, and a fact J already knew since she'd seen that look in is eye) and she figured what the hell and had sex with him. He turned out to have a killer body hidden under his stupid baggy jeans and was fantastic in the sack. The only hitch? The following morning he was awkward as hell, J felt like her brain was about to leak out of her ears, and it took her 2 and a half hours to get home on public transport. Where are all the fucking taxis?


A went on a another dinner date with the dude she had dinner with a couple of weeks ago. It's important to lay a little context here. A doesn't date. She has sex in secret and rarely talks about it, except when she's had a few too many tequila shots and starts rating guys she's slept with out of 10. She doesn't do dinner, or the movies, or romantic walks on the beach. She is more likely to give a guy a black eye than her phone number. But this dude seems to have found a way to 'date' A. A eats. Like, a lot. As in she's the sort of person who'd go out for dinner with a guy and the guy would order the 200g steak and A would order the 400g steak and the waitress will be look at her and say 'seriously?' because A is tiny and A will then order extra chips and lick every last drop of sauce off the plate. When she drinks, A gets even more hungry. One time, she threatened a bouncer with a lawsuit if she didn't get him something to eat. She got garlic bread.

Dinner date keeps hanging around rock clubs where A dances/thrashes and around the time it's 4am and there's no more good Misfits tunes to play he sweeps in and suggests they go get food. He's managed to do this three times. Three times isn't a fluke or luck. Three times is a pattern.

It's like this. Most people will sleep with someone once, if just for curiosity. A second time can follow without meaning anything. If it was really good, well you just want another go. If it was really bad you find yourself thinking you should give the person another chance and really, how bad can it be? But the third time establishes a pattern. Once something happens three times it's a given a fourth will follow. It's true in sex, in dates, in life.

So is A dating this guy? He's super smart and manages to challenge A with his intelligence and extensive knowledge of politics, world affairs, history, literature and art. And can even be smart when he's drunk. And smoking crack. Plus he's a ridiculously good kisser. Perhaps it's the tongue piercing. The hilarious thing is that A refuses to acknowledge she's going on dates. She just claims to be hungry. Then again, maybe A doesn't know what a date is...

Thursday, December 1, 2011

What we're doing this month...

Loving: daydreaming about travelling to Europe and roaming the streets of Prague
Listening to: The Living End. Classic Aussie rock.
Crushing on: Jamie Campbell Bower even though he did appear in a Twilight film...(but Harry Potter and Sweeney Todd!)
Worshipping: Joan Jett. As always.
Eating: chicken and cheese toasted sandwiches with sweet chilli sauce
Drinking: iced coffee on hot days
Rocking: massive bows in our hair
Reading: Harlan Coben's Myron Bolitar thrillers
Failing: to pretend we aren't upset about Demi and Ashton splitting up.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

"I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal"

V is currently on some kind of schoolies/toolies trip up on the northern beaches and seems to be having a fun time 'having sex on the roof with an 11 out of 10 girl' if his facebook statuses are anything to go by. A couldn't care less. She's playing Girls Gone Wild with J with the pair of them laughing manicly and running around the city topless. J refuses to answer the calls of either Motley Crue and Wow who both want to date her. What happened to casual sex? Don't these guys know J at all? Clearly not.

Post exams A and J love cutting loose, and they usually manage to just as good of a job as arrogant good-looking guys like V. It doesn't matter that they were hardly in class, they deserve a break dammit! J is usually found practically having sex against cliub walls or on movie theatre floors and this has been no exception. A few teenage girls got a little more than they baragined for when they went to see an afternoon session of I Don't Know How She Does It. No, we don't know how J does it either. J did actually return to the movies for real later with L for The Inbetweeners movie which is of course, an instant classic. It's just a pity B doesn't hang with us anymore, she loved all the British TV. Meanwhile A is trying to track down her flirty neighbour footballer who she hasn't seen since he dropped his pants in front of her and asked for sex. A turned him down that time but after an unsatisfying night with a guy who left lipstick and hairspray all over her pillow she decided she needed a real man. And who better than a footy star? Pity he's nowhere to be found, except on the occasions he says hey to G. Perhaps he is avoiding A?

M and E are back on better terms after M took herself off on an unapproved holiday. They're back to being the pin-up couple and looking sickingly cute everywhere they go. M awkwardly bumped into her ex co-worker by the photocopy machine the other day and he suggested they catch up over lunch one day. M doesn't want to admit she already has a new boyfriend. time for a new job perhaps? The internet nerd gag is getting a bit boring of late, and she's been talking about going back to school to study dance and/or teaching. Now it the time.

Monday, November 28, 2011

"Now who the hell are you, to act the way you do?"

L finally managed to catch up with the mysterious H for the first time in months even though they are still supposedly best friends. B and K managed to crash the dinner even though L was not responsible for inviting them. She wanted to see H and not the toxic twins but apparently they're all a package deal. Whoever thought that day would come? Who would ever expect H to remain friends with B and K and not A and J? But that's that now.

L couldn't believe how much H has changed. It has been a few months where their only contact has been a few blah text messages but it's hard for L to face the fact that her best friends is absolutely nothing like the person she was a year ago.

H has moved out to the suburbs with her boyfriend secret admirer. H was not the sort of person who could ever live in the suburbs (she, like all of us, was a city girl through and through. however we could explain away K and B and perhaps L moving to the 'burbs) and she was certainly not the sort of person who would ever sign a 2-year lease. H used to move house about once every 6 months and never lived with friends. She used to make new friends by moving house and always had entertaining housemates like the anal Miss Priss and a few potheads who never left their rooms. H liked change. Now she's about a stonethrow away from getting married and popping out a few kids suburban style. H used to have a fear of committment to rival A's and hated kids (and the concept of marriage) with a passion. She liked change. Clearly, not anymore.

She also told L she was now working as a forklift driver. Although it supposedly pays well it's such a typical suburban job. Not to mention L can't picture her on a contruction sight surrounded by old fat dudes. Sex shops of bartending, those jobs suited H. She's changed completely though. L can't believe that's what H wants to do since she now apparently has no other ambitions. Gone are her band days, now she doesn't even listen to music or go to gigs.

The last straw was when H refused a glass of wine with her dinner. Apparently she doesn't drink anymore. Disapproval showed all over her now conservative face (no punk make-up or hair for H now) when L didn'y cancel her wine. It's not like L to be on the receiving end of such a look and it made her feel terrible.

L feels like she doesn't know H anymore. How can she, when her best friend is burried inside a shell of her former self? Everything L ever loved about her is gone and replaced by a watered-down, cookie-cutter suburban almost-wife.

Monday, November 21, 2011

"All my life I wanted to be somebody and here I am"

Samantha Jones was right. The weekend is for meeting new guys. What was I thinking?

J usually spends her weekends on the prowl for someone new, although lately Wow has been making it a bit difficult for her by refusing to let her talk to other guys and making her hit on everything that moves come Thursday nights in pubs. Then last weekend she was supposed to hang out with her earnstwhile boyfriend Motely Crue who sha has been on/off sleeping with for the last month or so. Officially he's dating some chick from the suburbs but J doesn't care. He's got good fingers. However Motley decided to stand her up. No call to say he'd be late or not coming. No text. He just didn't show up. It's something he's done before, being an unreliable drunk/stoner but usually he sends J a bailing text. She was not pleased by his behaviour. She was pissed off and met up with Druggie out at a club but Druggie was already wasted and J was too pissed off to have a good time so she ended up coming home angrier and alone. What a waste of a Saturday night.

So he yells at me for one stupid 2am dinner date when he's screwing girls in club toilets!

A and G went out for drinks together, along with L, since they hadn't done any outside socialising since they moved in together. G was smashed and chatting to the bartender about her chest tattoo and said bartender thought she was hitting on her which lead to G awkwardly admitting she was straight and also in a relationship where she doesn't cheat. L was sick after one too many beers and A was chatting up all the smokers in the search for a free pack of cigarettes. She got hungry, as usual and went on a 2am curry run with a guy with a tongue piercing and they ended up making out in restaurants all over the city. V found out and pulled his jealous pathetic ranting. Never mind he is sleeping with half the club skanks in this city, and most of its public enough that everyone knows. A is now officially referring to V as 'just another notch on my bedpost' in order to piss him off. Well, that and it's the truth.

I will never be one of those girls who ditches it all for a boy, can't he just get over himself?

Much to E's disapproval, M headed off on a weekend beach road trip with a few of her geeky tech wizz friends. E was pretty unhappy about it because he wanted her to hang out with him all weekend. To which M pointed out he'd probably just be playing computer games and ignoring her anyway. He got in a funk. M didn't care and went skydiving and surfing with her friends. Photos emerged of her throwing up on the beach after a few too many drinking games and E lost his shit and started yellinga t her and accusing her of cheating. Um, when did he get so jealous and possessive? Maybe there's a reason all his prior girlfriends have been such freaks. Can't he just get it together?

Saturday, November 19, 2011

"Safe forever"

What we're not doing: anything to do with Twilight/Breaking Dawn/Bella and Edward's wedding/other assorted awfulness.

What we are doing: beating the crap out of dreadlocked boys in mosh pits. It's not a fun night unless you come home with a few bruises. Then again, that's not exactly news is it?

Exams are over and the post-exam party period begins. Forget an apocalypse this is the end of life as we know it. Beer and white wine on steamy afternoons followed by tequila shots and manic dancing in pubs followed by rock gigs and after parties where the vodka is flowing freely. Freedom tastes good doesn't it?

J is busy avoiding Wow but she just can't escape Motley Crue that easily and they keep ending up in bed. Or more likely, the local alley.

L is found throwing up in bathroom stalls. Girl cannot handle her Carlton Draught.

A is fighting with V and throwing punchs at any guy fool enough to whip off his shirt in a mosh pit until they're slippery and sweaty. Even a slut singlet gives you something to hold on to.

M and E are creepy coupley and indoors playing the new COD. Actually, that may be why we haven't seen Wow this week...

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

"I'm not in love but I'm gonna fuck you, 'til someone better comes along"

Hearing rumours about our (gay, slutty) colleagues giving blow jobs in the fitting room makes us wonder what we're doing wrong.

Black-out nights compete with projectile vomitting, hamburger breakfasts and waking up next to total douchbags who quote Fat Pizza make us wonder what we're doing right.

J found herself getting cock-blocked yet again by Wow even though she tried to avoid him and get back her skull ring that was stolen by the glam guy she slept with last week. Wow continued to follow her around and make sure she didn't have a chance to talk to any other guys. She ended up taking him to the park, as is her style. He got awkward and nervous and apparently had a small penis. Basically everything J hates in a one night stand. Wow apologised and told her 'next time' they'd go to a hotel. Um...there isn't going to BE a next time!

M left E at home for a night out with A. A convinced her to dance to Bon Jovi, the only rock band M likes. They decided on a fair night, with half at a place of A's choosing and then half at a place of M's choosing. They ended up at a hip hop club where they bumped into V, who A carefully ignored. V seemed fine with that at first but then seemed to get drunker and pissed off and started yelling at A across the room that she was a slut and a shitty girlfriend. Uh, V? A is NOT your girlfriend and grow up.

M and A left to go to another late night bar. Later that night G spotted V entering a strip club. When she told A, her housemate just laughed. Guess he needed someone else to dream about...

Thursday, November 10, 2011

"Years ago, when I was backpacking across Western Europe..."

M and E have become that nauseating couple that everybody loves to hate. They giggle at in-jokes when the topic of conversation changes, have irritatingly cute PDAs in playgrounds and have even come up with such vomit-inducing nicknames that can't even be repeated here. It's so sweet you need a tooth removed.

M even confessed to A and J that the sex she's having with E is the best ever. In fact, she mentioned E is the first guy she's ever had an orgasm with. J was particularly horrified by this news as she makes it her business to make sure she's having just as good a time as the guy she's having sex with. Let's hope she doesn't have a drunken encounter with co-worker where she accuses him of being bad in bed. It's been known to happen. Then again, A gets particularly upset when she hears about guys that don't return the favour when it comes to oral sex. Maybe she'll be attacking co-worker. If H was still around, she'd definitely make a comment. She used to feel very strongly about guys having tattoos that let you know whether or not they were unselfish in bed. Which makes you get pleasant shivers when you think about how skilled accidental date must be...

Sunday, November 6, 2011

"We dance like fucking animals"

Exam season? Spring Carnival!

There's something amusing about watching everyone else get all dressed up in fancy dresses and fascinators and heels only to spend the entire day getting roaring drunk and wasting money and ending up lying in the gutter somewhere. It's what we do every week.

A headed off to the races with work friends and then dragged them out afterwoods for more champagne and dancing. She was a terrible influence on them both, with one of her friends making out with two guys and almost having sex against the wall with one of them before going home with another. Unfortunately she left her watch and earrings behind. Her other friend was passing tonsilitis around with her tongue. A was scoring free drinks off every 'winner' she could find and groping every guy dancing with a girl just to piss them off. She'd already seen her old engaged mate Hottie at the races where they had an awkward conversation. He went to kiss her and she asked if he was still engaged and he said yes. She said 'pity' and started flirting with other hot guys in suits.

J was all dressed up to get high in the sun with Druggie. Unfortunately she brought her boyfriend along. He's nice enough in a rocknroll kind of way, he's just slightly psychotic and usually strung out. He and Druggie have full on physical fights on acid and scare the shit out of all of us. They have a weirdly intense relationship that makes A and V look healthy. The two of them sat baked in the sun until they were literally baked bright red and sunburnt and had to go home for aloe vera spray. J stayed with a few uni mates she'd bumped into, trying to score Zara discounts as well as more pot. She ended up getting wasted later that night with C and P. P woke up in bed with 3 guys and couldn't recall having sex but apparently he did. C woke up covered in pizza. J woke up in a bizzare house in a strange suburb in bed with a guy who wasn't the one she'd slept with. He'd vanished.

And yes, there was definitely walking home heels in hand.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

What we're doing this month...

Loving: online shopping for cheap bikinis
Listening to: Marilyn Manson
Crushing on: Ryan Gosling
Worshipping: mega-talented Amy Winehouse...RIP
Eating: fried pork dumplings
Drinking: mango flavoured vodka blended with ice and real mango...
Rocking: leather pants
Reading: Old trashy Jackie Collins novels
Failing: to get excited about horse racing

Monday, October 31, 2011

"Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress up as a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it"

Happy Halloween folks!

We're supposed to be studying for exams but shoosh because we'd much rather cover ourselves in green paint and drink tequila then cosy up with anatomy diagrams and hot chocolate. Even though the weather is definitely hot chocolate worthy at the moment.

The scariest news of the week has to be that M and E have officially hooked up. Not totally out-of-the-blue but unexpected nonetheless. Co-worker apparently hasn't heard the news and M is anxious to keep it that way. It really is a pity they work together and have so many mutual friends. J doesn't seem to pleased with the whole relationship development, wondering how it's going to affect everyone's friendships. It's hard not to be happy for them though. M is E's first girlfriend who isn't a raving, jealous lunatic. Maybe he's finally maturing. Maybe there's going to be trouble in their futures.

Saturday night was their official couple debut. Hard not to be when they were dressed in full vampire get-up as Spike and Drusilla from Buffy. A had found herself a gorgeous vintage lace dress that she managed to destroy as part of her zombie costume. J donned the cougar uniform of leopard print leoptard and ears and tail. The tail got stolen by a random 'playful' hot guy of course. The joke was on him though, because the fur tail eas covered in something damp and sticky...

L was supposed to come along but bailed at the last minute to hang out with her ex secret admirer. Fair enough they're doing the friend thing, but ditching long-standing Halloween plans with a group to hang out with one guy...where there's smoke there's fire.

J foolishly hooked up with Wow again after getting stoned with Druggie on a balcony. She didn't have sex with him though and is now accusing him of cock-blocking her. Maybe messing with Wow is starting to mess with her...At least she'd getting a few free drinks out of the whole thing. Pity Wow keeps calling her on Monday mornings. Not that she's answering the calls of course. Druggie thought she saw Motley Crue hanging around but it may have been an optical illusion and it may be because she was too stoned.

A is pretty sure her whole night was an optical illusion. She remembers nothing until she woke up in bed covered in bright red fake blood. She had a momentary panic attack when she thought it was actual blood and was relieved to discover it was fake...until she realised that shit doesn't wash off. Photos have since surfaced of her laughing and acting manic with randoms as well as competing in costume contests and stealing hats.

M and E weren't around for too long and disappeared home on their own. Well, that was according to C who was smoking by the pool table. According to M they were both there until 4am and hanging out with A. Of course A's memory is a black hole and she can't confirm their story.

Monday, October 24, 2011

"She's got the looks that kill"

The nice weather in Melbourne only ever lasts a day. Today it's pissing down rain and we're sipping Earl Grey like the classy fuckers we are. Goes even better with chocolate chip mini-muffins baked by a newly domestic G.

At least yesterday was nice enough to head off to the beach and prepare our pre-summer tan. Let's be honest, tans are hot because they make you look healthy and fake tans make you look orange and that is not healthy. We'll probably all be getting chunks of skin cut out of our bodies in a few years but we try not to burn. The rest of the weekend was spent thrashing and moshing at numerous 'classic rock' gigs along with 'stoner sludge' opening acts. After that plenty of absinthe was spilled when we were trying to pour our own shots on the way to our favourite bars and clubs.

Naturally Wow showed up. J's one-time hook-up is now promoting at every vaguely rock or alternative club and was everywhere over the weekend trying to get people to complete some survey. A drunken A scrawled 'Carlton Draught' on one and continued her usual bitch persona to Wow by picking arguments and insulting his haircut and his plan to join the army. J of course was busy flirting with him and messing with him because that's what she does. They bumped into Druggie who commented that Wow was looking more and more obsessed with J every time she sees them. J just laughed. She's still hanging out and sleeping with Motley Crue although of course nothing is official. At least he is now willing to spend a bit of money on her rather than back when they were dating and J was buying all the drinks. Probably he feels guilty for basically ditching her for the ex and making her pay for him when they were going out. A and Druggie ended up leaving around 5am to sleep and head off to work by 10 while J and Wow were hanging out in the park with one of his bartender friends. At first J wanted to have sex with him but after remembering he was a shit kisser she had a massive park panic attack and threw herself into a cab yelling 'Step on it' and getting home as the sun was coming up.

M was supposed to come out but ended up staying home. J is pretty sure she was hanging out with E, but she (nor he) will admit it.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

"Relationships have been on the decline ever since women came out of the cave, looked around and said, 'this isn't so bad.'"

I read somewhere the other day that this generation is redefining relationships between men and women. And not just in the obvious way, that is that people are now having more sex with more people in more places more often. No, it was more about the way this generation is redefining gender roles and therefore the relationships between the sexes, including friendships.

Back in our parents' day everyone knew where they stood. The men were outside with their beers and their BBQs, the women were inside gossiping about the neighbours and making salads and sweets and keeping an eye on the more eratic kids. These days you're just as likely to see the girls outside bowling cricket balls and sculling beer while the health-conscious boys are inside with their pink shirts and their sparkling wine. Girls dress like boys, boys dress like girls and everyone listens to the same music. Women are becoming politicians and lawyers, men are becomign teachers and nurses. Women call men asking them on dates, pay their own bills and make the first move when it comes to sex.

It's all very confusing really.

But because we've all become the same somewhere along the line men and women are much more likely to be friends. Sure past generations had cross-gender friendships. They hung out with their partner's friends and hung out in mixed groups to match up their single pals. There wasn't the one-on-one male/female friendships we see today.

Of course, some people still struggle to be 'just friends' with the opposite sex. While J has plenty of gay friends she doesn't have many straight male friends. This is probably because she's looking for a potential lay everytime she meets someone and all of her 'friendships' end up laden with sexual tension until it becomes awkward for everyone. Just look at S and Bossman.

A has been good friends with C for years and they are pretty much the dream friendship. Lots of booze, lots of stupid antics, lots of gossip and no sex whatsoever.

That used to be M and E. They were the kind of friends that could hang out and have fun in coffee shops, in music stores, in pubs, in pool halls, in the park, watching TV and everything in between. They could call each other for anything ranging from failing a test to love life issues and a housing crisis. Now everything has changed. Now things are awkward and they aren't answering each other's phone calls and their friendship is practically in the loo. One kiss really can change everything.

Let's hope they can get over it and more forward.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

"Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be."

It seems the inevitable has happened. M has broken up with her short-lived boyfriend co-worker.

Now, as always when a relationship ends, all the truths start to come out.

A: "I didn't like him that much anyway. He always seemed a bit stuck-up."
J: "That's probably because everytime you two met you were wasted and trying to hug him and he thought you were a freak. Honestly though M, he was a bit boring."
A: "You mean he didn't fuck you in the park on a rug he conveniently had in his car?"
L: " Well, I never met him but he did seem uneccessarily clingy with all those text messages."
C: "Yes, and he stood you up at that awards night. After that, well...I had my doubts."
L: "To be honest, we all had our doubts."
C: "I thought you never met him?"
A and J: "The point is you should never sleep with someone you work with."

And that really, is the lesson that should have been learned before. It's never good to have sex with someone you work with. It seems like such a good idea at the time because they're always there and it's convenient and the stress and irritation of work just adds to the attraction. But once things go sour, as they always do, they're always there and there's no escape from them or all the other gossipy co-workers placing bets on who's going to break down first.

Luckily M had a smart idea and got transferred to another section of the company right before the dumping.

Now she can just move right on to E. Except M isn't so sure she wants to do that. She doesn't support jumping from one relationship to the next and has always had doubts about relationships that begin from one person cheating on someone else. After all, if the trust isn't good at the start, how does it get any better? Still, one wonders how she can manage to keep her friendship with E going if she breaks up with co-worker and still doesn't get with him.

Monday, October 17, 2011

"Pour some sugar on me"

One should never invite J to a child's birthday party. It will never, ever end well. Not even if you force her into a clown suit, but that's a story for another time.

Last weekend was the birthday of A's baby brother, who isn't exactly a baby anymore. Still, many of his friends are yet to reach 18 and despite their age range are mostly around 5 years younger than us. They were never going to win any drinking contests with A (or her father) but they gave it their best shot...and paid dearly.

Dumbass showed up rocking a new tattoo- if that's the right word for a drunken mistake consisting of one of his mates' names on his upper arm. He brought along a slab of beer for himself and spent most of the night alternating between smoking with J and flirting with all the young females. He didn't score, but then he was always planning to speed dial one of the lady friends he regularly booty calls. Considering he's balding way before the age of 25, Dumbass goes alright. His lady of the night (although not a lady of the night) was a leggy blonde you could swear you'd seen on the side of a bus modeling some pricey underwear.

M came bringing flavoured vodka (perfect choice for the kiddies M!) and no man in tow. No boyfriend co-worker and no recent guilty hook-up E. Apparently she hasn't spoken to either of them all week. M's a perfect drinking buddy for the kids, because she can't hold her liquor. She was climbing up trees, laughing hysterically, posing for photos with people she didn't know, stealing party people's hats and throwing cake in everyone's face. She and a very drunk birthday boy took a series of 'pimp' photos and took a pizza to offer to late night workers hopping off the train.

A was being responsible and dishing out punch and taking control of the music. Which meant Def Leppard was on the playlist and A and a few of her brother's friends were running around the streets stealing underwear and socks from someone's washing line and wearing them on her head. She then took a few of them to the playground for whiskey shots and running down slides. Unfortunately a few couldn't handle it and took ill, spending the rest of the evening throwing up in buckets or on the ground. One guy nearly got hit by a train when he was running for some bushes to pass out in.

Maybe A should have been keeping a better watch on J. J promised she'd keep it in her pants, but that's one promise she can't keep once the tequila comes out. She was flirting most of the night, but was planning on catching up with occasional boyfriend occasional fuck buddy Motley Crue later on. However a conversation on classic rock with one of the 17-year-olds got her more than a little interested and when A had her back turned to ear mudcake the pair started making out. A was shocked and apalled when turning around but managed to hide the hook-up from the rest of the partygoers and hissed at J that she take her 'leopard print dressed cougar ass home'. J laughed and told A to relax and have a drink. A did so and J snuck off to the park with the young boy. All the local parks are, of course, where J takes all of her conquests. However J may have underestimated just how young the boy was and how...ahem, inexperienced this meant he was. She got home feeling disappointed and unsatisfied and realising that when you're partying with boys of a certain age, the park may not be where you want to end your night and there is not enough tequila in the world to wipe the awkward memory out.

At least we all know what the boys will be gossiping about at school tomorrow.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

"When we were good, you just close your eyes. So when we are bad, we'll scar your minds"

It's a sunny afternoon in Melbourne and everyone is sitting around drinking strawberry iced tea and discussing heavy political questions on asylum seekers, the economy and why education and health care should be free. Or you know, not. Capitalist bastards. If only our pesto-and-cheese pizzas weren't burnt.

M is getting bored of being the social butterfly in her relationship. It's not a label she's used to. M's hardly a homebody and has plenty of friends, but she's always enjoyed the odd night in and frequently chooses bubble baths over nights dancing to 50 Cent or thrashing to classic rock bands. She's been known to skip work functions because she's too tired and can't be bothered despite spending months shopping for an approriate dress and matching shoes. But compared to her boyfriend co-worker, M is out all night every night. She should have known that would happen. She met him at work and she works in IT for crying out loud! But she really didn't expect him to be so boring. Not boring in the sense that he can't hold a conversation or isn't interesting, just boring in the sense that he never wants to drink or hang out in pubs, clubs, concerts or house parties. When she had to attend several work functions alone M started feeling a little resentful and irritated. She really likes co-worker but maybe they just aren't as compatible as she once thought. Instead M has been hanging out with her buddy E heaps. E was ignoring her during his last relationship with a train wreck girl (he likes 'projects') but M dragged him out of it and figures they should be spending as much time together as they can before he finds himself a new girlfriend to work on.

They've been having a lot of fun together and not just in the typical drunk dancing-around-poles kind of way although there has been plenty of that. They'be been going to movies and hanging out in coffee shops and smoking cheeky cigarettes (and sometimes weed) near children's playgrounds and eating cheap pizzas and dressing up in weird costumes and taking photos all over the city. Except not planking. That's was so lame even before it became 'cool'.

Then what was perhaps the inevitable happened. E and M were hanging out at his place, playing some ancient playstation game (anyone remember Crash Bandicoot?) and eating popcorn and M&Ms. Ane E kissed her. Let's just say it wasn't a friendly kiss. It was a let's-take-this-further-and-preferably-right-now kiss. M pulled back, apologised and promptly left. E rang her to awkwardly apologise but also to confess he's become quite attracted to her and M is exactly the kind of girl he wants to be with. That it, relatively normal and not the kind who cuts him off from everyone and throws screaming tantrums if he doesn't call every night before bed.

M has no idea what to do. She likes E a lot as a friend and enjoyed their kiss way more than she should have, but she's committed to co-worker and feels terribly guilty about what has happened. She's never cheated before and doesn't want to be that type of person. She doesn't even really know if she wants to be with co-worker, but she doesn't want to choose between two guys- she wants to choose for herself.

There's never a good time to tell a friend you're falling hopelessly in love with them.

Oh, and J's ditched the married guy with the psycho wife to get back into a pattern with Motely Crue.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

"I'm a little bit shy. A bit strange and a little bit manic"

It was the calm before the storm. A deceivingly quiet week. We were busy helping our guy friends deal with their unrequited love issues (boys can be so clueless), gossiping about J's ex Motley Crue's new haircut- that is, the no hair shave which makes his nose look massive- and listening to the bands part of the Big Day Out/Soundwave/Falls/other assorted music festival line-ups. Drinks were casual pina coladas with relatively low alcohol content. Jeans were so tight they required zippers to get them over our feet. Even L was making an appearence, enjoying short study breaks with beer. But G and A's house is just never that quiet.

Someone's always knocking on their door at 3am. This week it was neighbour footballer who was getting so rowdy and rude A had to let him in before someone called the cops. He then promptly took off his pants and told A it was time to fuck. Clearly he was on something. A lost sleep trying to get his pants back on and copped an eyefull that the gossip mags would pay good money for. She finally got rid of him but can't help but get more attracted to him the more of an asshole he acts. It probably doesn't help that pictures have been surfacing on facebook of V and a particularly attractive blonde who is so clearly not A who's rocking green hair these days.

J started getting abusive calls from someone who claimed she was fucking her husband. No doubt the jealous wife of J's older married lover. She can't deal with that kind of baggage which lead her right back to Motley Crue's arms. A one-night-stand later and she remembered why they're no longer together. He's dumb, unambitious, suburban, acts like a little kid...and now bald.

J and A dragged out a boyfriendless M and a Burberry suit wearing C for a night on the down. C showed why there's so many suspicions he bats for the other team when he kissed a guy and felt him up through tight red jeans. It was M's idea though- the guy was with E's evil ex and M wanted any opportunity to upset her. It was set up to a night of questioning sexuality and and androgyny. J shagged a glam rocker on her new shag rug. Glam rocker's hair was bigger than Jon Bon Jovi's on his best day and was wearing more make-up than was seen on the Brownlow medal blue carpet. However J needed someone who was nothing like her married square or bald Motely Crue- this guy had a genital piercing and fit the bill perfectly. A and M set many a man's tongue wagging with tequila body shots and dancing together on the bar- until M's boring boyfriend showed up and had a fit and she had to go home. A then dodged the other lesbians to hook up with a cute guy in a suit- because what law student can resist a guy who fills out a 3-piece so perfectly? No we will not grab somebody sexy and tell them hey but when Guns N' Roses' Nightrain comes on shit will go down and the cops will show up. Yeah, it's so fun getting kicked out of slubs and your alcohol taken away. Then you realise you can buy cheap wine and hang out with your new friends in the park like you used to do in high school. Except with more sex and better clothes.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

What we're doing this month...

Loving: drinking three cups of coffee before 9am
Listening to: The new Blink 182 album, loving Heart's All Gone
Crushing on: guys with eyebrow and lip piercings
Worshipping: Tom DeLonge and Mark Hoppus
Eating: mini meat pies
Drinking: Cement Mixer shots; baileys and lime cordial
Rocking: short in the front long at the back 'mullet' dresses- sexy from the front, classy from the back.
Reading: Slash by...um, Slash
Failing: to let go of the footy season

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

"Tired? Stressed? You'll feel better on Swisse."

It's been a year since H vanished from cyberspace and phone conversations and reality. Last week however she got herself out of the rabbithole and made a new facebook. Her new friend list has all the usual suspects, L, B and K as well as a bunch or random grunge rockers and gorgeous strippers and drag queens as well as pretty much the entire graduating class of her high school. But no A. And no J. Talk about insulting. It's hard to believe that, despite everything that's happened, H would rather talk to the toxic twins than A and J. H was always the one that really hated K, even before everyone else did, and only put up with her to spend time with B even though her and B were never that close. And ever since it became obvious that L was still spending time with H, the once fab four were all hoping to get together. Except clearly H wasn't hoping. It seems any hope of getting those four in a room again...well, let's just say the ship has sailed.

Meanwhile A is starting to get concerned about her new housemate G and her boyfriend. G didn't bother attending his birthday party, has plans for New Year's Eve that don't involve him and is currently planning an overseas trip...also without him. While it's true that G and her boyfriend have been together for almost 5 years and are long past the poing where they have to see each other every day and they are completely comfortable with each other, it's still a slight concern. Especially when A got home from a booze session last week to find their flirty neighbour footballer spleeping on their couch. Apparently he lost his keys. Hmmmm, one smells a rat. Then again G was far from pleased on wake up on Monday morning to get ready for work and discover V making himself a bowl of cereal in the kitchen. And it was G's cereal too!

J is still seeing her married man, although she is also seeing a wannabe rock star with too many tattoos and glitter on his face. M is still with her boyfriend as well, but that doesn't seem to be going as well as she'd hoped and she's so desperate for a break she took off for a random weeklong holiday to Perth. Well, at least the weather's good on that side of the country.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

"Do what I want cause I can and if I don't, because I wanna be ignored by the stiff and bored, because I'm gonna"

You would think that basically being a uni dropout would mean less work right? J has been 'studying from home' this semester which she imagined would involve smoking and drinking in her backyard while blasting Guns N' Roses and watching grunge documentaries. Yet somehow, even though she doesn't have a job, she seems to spend more time at the local library looking up journal articles than hanging out in the sun. What's up with that? A thought doing just 1 subject this semester would be peaceful (bringing a whole new meaning to the term 'part-time student') but instead she keeps getting dragged into every public speaking/mock trial (called a moot- what the fuck) event on campus and spends most of her time researching obscure areas of law. L is a 'real' part-time student, so she's just got the 2 subjects this semester so she thought she'd really be able to apply herself. No so. A has decided to use L as her 'researcher' for her current projects. At least they seem to be getting along. After one of their particularly heated competitions they went out for 'a few beers' afterwoods with a few uni mates. Of course a 'few beers' for A is more like 15 and she was singing along to the jukebox with the bartender while L sat awkward and mostly sober in the corner.

J has started an affair with a handsome married man she met at a classy restaurant after attending one of Druggie's friends birthdays. He's probably the typical scumbag married guy, hitting on hot younger girls and telling them his marriage is falling apart and he's considering divorce. J doesn't really care what he says. She's not exactly looking for him to leave his wife for her and certainly doesn't believe he will. She's just enjoying a guy who can afford to buy her expensive cocktails and is good in bed. It's a good change from her old boyfriend who didn't have 2 dollars to rub together. She does feel a bit guilty about his wife but figures if he's such a blatent cheater there relationship isn't that great anyway. But for J, there's always the risk that her old hook-ups come back to bite her in the arse. Her and A have been hanging out a lot at this rock club in town and having a lot of fun. Until one of the guys J hooked up with when she was dating Motely Crue appeared out of knowhere. We shall call him Wow, since he's a bit of a freak and a gamer. She had a bit of fun messing with him, flirting and then being a bitch, while A picked a fight with him because she is a bitch. Now the old hook-up is appearing everywhere, including in photos with A and J that they can't recall. Ah, the effects of alcohol. Well that and A's recent drunken photobombing where she grabs any opportunity to appear in a random's photo. If only he would disappear but now that he's a promoter at their favourite rock club it just doesn't seem likely.

A has still been regularly hitting the sheets with V, although she refuses to talk about it other than the bare facts. Even G knows nothing about it and they live together now. And she's still making eyes at other guys in clubs, including the Bon Scott lookalike she made out with last week. It was his crazy eyes that got her. And possibly the 5 Wet Pussy shots.

M's still with her boyfriend but getting increasingly annoyed with him. He didn't show up to an awards night where she was nominated for an award and felt a bit disappointed about it. He's still contantly sending text messages though. She's also been spending a lot of time with the newly single E who is searching for a girlfriend a bit lower on the crazy scale.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

"I want a girl with a short skirt and a loong jacket"

To the two guys gossiping behing us about how hot that girl in the leopard print skirt is- did it ever occur to you that we too may speak French and can understand every disgusting thing you're saying?

It's the football you perverts!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

What we're doing this month...

Loving: Friends with Benefits and No Strings Attached...our kind of life
Listening to: Motley Crue
Crushing on: Justin Timberlake
Worshipping: The High Court for their decision on asylum seekers in Malaysia
Eating: Peking duck...mmm hoisin sauce
Drinking: white wine, gin, passionfruit and energy drink punch
Rocking: really tight really dark skinny jeans
Reading: Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
Failing: to drop classes before the census date...damn future HECS debt!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

"Shoot like an animal macine, straight from the colours of her dream"

What's the best way to get completely and utterly off-your-face wasted? Go drinking with two different groups of people in the one night. A, G and J all managed this on the same night...without even drinking together.

J caught up with the mysterious Bossman whom she hasn't seen much of since they stopped working together. Funny, since when they were working together he was so eager and flirtatious. He has a new girlfriend now and was telling J all about their kinky sex and his nude model shoot over cocktails. They got rather smashed and were thrashing to metal music when Bossman decided to go home to his girl and J went to catch up with Druggie and Ronald McDonald who were just heading out and stone sober. They downed several gin-and-tonics until Ronald McDonald started whining about needing to go to the toilet every 3 seconds and how bad the music was and blah blah blah. Druggie popped some pills and proceeded to wipe herself out, cheating on her boyfriend and passing out in the toilet stalls. J had had so much alcohol she had no need for drugs and was dancing and grinding with several guys and having screaming arguments with Ronald. Until her stomach suddenly couldn't handle it anymore and she began throwing up on the middle of the dance floor and was poured into a cab by security.

A started her night with beer and chicken with a few guys from uni. Law students, and A in particular subscribe to the 'go hard or go home' method. 15 litres of beer later they all sort of had the shakes, but at least they'd eaten plenty of chicken to line their stomachs. A accused one of her mates of being gay and suggested another should try and hook up with L because they'd make a good couple. She may or may not have placed a cheese corn bowl on her head and ended up eith melted cheese dripping down her face. She then headed off for cocktails with work friends since apparently there was this really hot bartender. She was in fine form, starting football arguments with randoms, suggesting the hot bartender show them all his tattoos and accusing another random girl of hitting on the bartender that was clearly theirs. She also picked up a call from V and told him to fuck off and stop calling her. He told her he was horny. She threw herself in a cab and lost her memory. She woke up in V's bedroom but he told her she was too drunk to have sex. That's a first.

Since moving in with A, a 'quiet' drink at home for G means 2 bottles of wine. She shared a few quiet drinks with her boyfriend and best friend and her boyfriend before heading odd solo to a house party with some of her less nerdy uni pals. There was free beer and free pot for anyone that wanted it. G also spotted a few B-list celebrities that she swears she's read about in the pages of the Herald Sun and seen on reality TV. She was already drunk but most of her friends were sober so she got involved in drinking games that involved way too many tequila shots for even a sober person. She can't remember almost any of what happened that night but figures she must have been fine because she woke up in her own bed the next morning. Ready for work? Unlike A and J, G called in sick and spent the day hurling in the toilet. Soft.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

"But it is always the good swimmers who drown"

It's actually not that difficult to be part of the party scene in Melbourne and avoid AFL footballers. They all tend to freqent the same places with the same sorts of music and the same sorts of women and if you don't go there the only place you see them is in the street, at restaurants and on the footy field. Which is how it should be, for a variety of reasons. Firstly, we leave the WAGing to the women who don't actually like football, because you once things go sour (as they generally do) you can't cheer them on. Or if they don't play for your team you're usually predisposed to hating them. Then there's the fact that footy players tend to be selfish and chauvinistic both in the bedroom and out, and we can't have that. In our experience affairs with footballers tend to be memerable foir all the wrong reasons. Yes they have good bodies but it just isn't worth it.

Of course, sometimes you can't avoid them. Sometimes you live right next door.

A recently moved into an apartment with her friend G who decided she had to move out of home when her boyfriend moved back home, because she was not happy with the parents being part of their relationship. It's a great apartment with one small floor. Their neighbour is a certain young AFL player (who we won't name because that isn't what we do here at French Toast and Failure) and his girlfriend. Generalising again, but footballers treat their girlfriends worse than J treats her boyfriends.

It all started off well and good. Footballer was friendly and nice and invited A and G over for dinner. The girlfriend was mysteriously absent from dinner (apparently she was too 'shy' although when A and G have actually spoken to her she seems normal) but nothing else was particularly odd. Then footballer started texting them regularly on Saturday nights asking them to come to certain 'designated' AFL clubs. They both flat out refused because that's not their scene. They are both trashbag violent drunks, not blonde models who flash their underwear in tight skirts and giggle after 1 cocktail. One late night footballer called G and asked if they could share a taxi home because he'd forgotten the key to the building. G agreed and once they were back at the apartment footballer invited G in. Fairly drunk herself she agreed, if only to fry up a hamburger and make a mess in his kitchen. Footballer had other things on his mind, kissing her and informing her the girlfriend was away for the weekend. G was shocked, reminded him she had a boyfriend she was actually faithful to (except for that one horrible time with Dumbass) and left. They haven't seen a great deal of each other since then, though it hasn't been overly awkward when they have.

A week later footballer called A to complain that his fridge wasn't working and if she was alone could he come up and so she could help him out? How dumb does he think A is? She knows nothing about electrical equipment and doesn't see any need to give him refridgeration advice when no one else was around. She complained of being too busy and called G straight away.

Footballers. Great on the field, trouble off the field. All we know is that footballer is not getting any kind of roomate threeway with A and G. Maybe he should try his luck with J? Only she won't do threeways unless it's with two guys. Or Megan Gale. As it should be.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

"Excellent. A bar so low we can step over it"

It seems that playing hard to get really is the way to a man's heart.

Motley Crue seems devestated by his break-up with J and wants to get her back. He keeps ringing her and even dropping by her place (with flowers-gasp!) and saying he wishes he'd treated her better and he swears he'll never talk to his ex again if she'll take him back. But J is more than content to be the ex. She's over the relationship and just wants to move on and have fun. She's happy to stay friends with Motley and go to gigs with him and have drinking contests but she doesn't want to share his bed...at least not on a regular basis. You can't be fuck buddies with an ex.

M's boyfriend co-worker gets more clingy the less responsive she is to his texts. She doesn't mean anything by it, it's just that she doesn't get free text messages on her phone plan and really doesn't see the point in letting him know what she had for lunch.

Then of course there's A and V. A accidently bumped into him at her favourite pool hall yesterday and tried to make a fast getaway, alas it was not fast enough. V chased after her and asked if she wanted to 'hang out' this weekend. Assuming he meant sex A said sure and added she'd meet him at his place. V asked her if she'd been to this new restaurant in their local area. A started to get concerned V actually wanted to eat with her rather than eat her and panicked a bit, making up some dodgy excuse about a family member's 21st she'd accidently forgotten. Since yelling 'raincheck!' as she sprinted away she's let 2 calls go to voicemail.

Monday, August 8, 2011

"Well-behaved women rarely make history"

Now that M has a boyfriend, she's determined to show E you can be in a relationship and be normal as well. Of course that may be because M's boyfriend, while clingy, isn't a jealous psycho. M has been trying to call E to arrange a double date to show everyone that she is not after E but after a series of unreturned calls and bizzare text messages she suspects the girlfriend has hijacked his phone which really worries her. What is with these guys that date crazy girls? They must be really good in bed. M decided to confront E and let him know what a nut his girlfriend is. She was warned not to, that love is blind and there are things you just don't see until the break-up, but she went anyway. M is usually stunningly normal but sometimes she just snaps. Like the time she gang-tackled a group of guys because one of them had tried to steal her bag. It was very White Chicks. She stormed into E's sharehouse and gave him a piece of her mind. She yelled about how E always goes for the crazy girls (he's K's ex remember) and never has the guts to tell them no and it's fucking up his life and he needs to stop pushing the people who care about him away just because they tell the truth. E looked stunned and told M to get the hell out of house. M figures at least she got to say what she needed to rather than ending her friendship with E by him not answering her calls. The next day she called to apologise. Surprisingly E told her he was now single and that she was right. He is drawn to train-wreck girls and he can't help it. M couldn't believe it. Maybe sometimes the insane choice actually works.

J is already enjoying the single life. With both her and A on the prowl they've been painting the town by nightfall and sleeping in gutters come day. A picked up a guy by getting up on stage at a gig and singing along with the lead singer. Someone clearly thought she was hilarious, and drunk enough not to notice that he was going prematurely bald. Not until the morning at least. A won't bve calling him back. Not that she ever does. J was making eyes at the guitarist all through the set. Once they were off stage and drinking beers girls were throwing themselves at him but J hung back, acting cool nad sipping her blood red cocktail. That may also have been due to her pot-induced paranoia. Either way evidently the guitarist wanted to chase because J was the only girl he had eyes for. After a night at a hotel she woke up in a bed of roses and freaked out slightly. Romance on a one-night-stand? Uh, no. She ran as fast as her legs could carry her. J ran a marathon back in her first year of uni. She has stamina. The guitarist with the smoker's cough had no hope of catching her.

Speaking of smoker's cough, Druggie, who has absolutely no lung capacity from years of smoking anything she can roll up, has joined a netball team and wants J to follow her. J went to watch a game and nearly died laughing as she watched Druggie stumble across the field panting and moaning before she'd even touched the ball. A went along as well yelling 'PIVOT' as per Ross in the Friends episode 'The one with the cop'.

L is still tossing up between being a dedicated student and throwing in the towel for the semester. She'd better make a decision soon because the census date is coming up fast.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

"It's not a big problem with me, love, you don't look that hygienic anyway"

J and Motley Crue have finally broken up. It was a long time coming what with J spending the uni holidays rolling around in bed with anything that moved but the final two straws came in the last week, after it was back to class. J was already feeling used since Motley has no income and no savings and despite her being at uni and younger, she was the one buying him drinks. Then she accompanied him to a concert where she was in the mosh pit while he hung at the back texting and ignoring her. Then a day later he called her and asked if she could get a few tabs of acid for him and his ex-girlfriend, knowing that Druggie has an endless supply of everything. J couldn't believe it. We're all pretty against acid since a few years ago G took too much, freaked out and threw herself in front of a car and Motley knew that. And there is never a good to ask your new girlfriend to break the law for your old girlfriend. Never. J thought about it for a day and dumped him via text message. Probably not the most respectful way to end a 6 month relationship but J can't recall the last time they had fun together and thinks it's better this way. Now she's single. And single means free.

A has been avoiding V like the plague after their night together and refuses to answer his calls. Typical A behaviour. She ended up throwing her phone in the ocean before boarding a plane for the annual law conference where she drank too much, kissed a few randoms (not too many because most of the guys were gay, and no sex because there were at least 4 people sleeping in every room) and can't remember what actually happened in the competitions she was supposed to be competing in. She then visited her grandma up the coast and had a fling with a hot surfer. Non-sexual she is not. At least V cured that little problem for her.

M has started dating one of the guys she works with. A whole group of them went bowling together and one of the guys started flirting with her and buying her food and drinks so she figured what the hell and went home with him. At one time or another we've all learned the perils of sleeping with someone you work with but M seems to be dealing with the situation the best. Co-worker told her he really liked her and wanted to keep seeing her so M has and they have gradually fallen into a pattern otherwise known as a relationship. And she's happy. Okay so he's slightly clinging and texts a little too often but M can deal with that so long as she has at least one girls only night a week.

L is trying to recover from her hectic partying ways of the uni holidays. She's a little embarrassed as it's been so long since she threw caution to the wind and just had a good time. Now she's back to studying extra hard to wake up for it. She has a new job for about a week, but after catching swine flu off her new boss and seeing her mum in intensive care she decided it was time to bail. H isn't responding to her messages suggesting the fab four get back to hanging out like the good old days which is irritating her. All she wants is her friends back together. It just doesn't seem like any of them are interested.

B and K lost their jobs while they were overseas. K claims to be taking the matter up with VCAT, all the while fighting the suspension of her drivers licence and trying to force L into staying friends with her so she can gather information on A and J. Lovely girl.

What we're doing this month...

Loving: sunny days in the middle of winter
Listening to: The HIVES
Crushing on: Jess from Gilmore Girls...the only reason that show is worth watching
Worshipping: Patience from The Grates
Eating: chocolate and cream cheese brownies
Drinking: honey lemon tea
Rocking: blood red nails
Reading: Les Liaisons Dangereuses by Pierre Choderlos De Laclos
Failing: to check facebook

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

"She's my cherry pie"

There was really only one person who was going to get A out of her celibacy rut wasn't there? J is so pissed off she didn't see it coming. She's also pretty pissed off that A never learns her lesson, though she'd never tell her that.

It's been awhile since we've heard from V. After he and A got in their last fight (who even remembers what that was about) A refused to go anywhere he might show up. Usually it was easy to tell since he started several DJing stints and advertised all over facebook so it was easy to know which places to avoid. Especially since he kept sending L event invitations. Not that she was ever going to show up to them, including the invite to his huge birthday party. Then V headed off to Europe for a couple of months, smart-assly making A insanely jealous by sending postcards from many an exotic location with 'wish you were here...don't you?' scrawled over all of them. Recently though he returned home.

We've all been partying like crazy since exams ended. Yes, even L. A and J have of course become filthy alcoholics, waking up in gutters gripping plastic bottles full of flavoured vodka and with mouths so dry...well, I couldn't think of an approriate metaphor. A and C have been grinding on tables in clubs, J has been screwing guys in alleys who aren't her boyfriend, L has been skulling champagne in bathroom stalls and M has been throwing up half-digested noodles in restaurant sinks. We've hooked up with guys whose face we don't remember, let alone name of number. We've drank things we can't see and can't taste. J, Bossman and Druggie spent 2 days straight smoking pot and eating KFC and watching True Blood without knowing what was going on. L went bungee-jumping with uni friends. A has consumed enough beer to fill a swimming pool while going out with uni mates. Scariest of all, G has been swimming in the Yarra River. You just don't dive into that shit. Benders, benders, benders. Pubs and underground clubs we'll never remember the names or locations of. Getting kicked out of swanky cocktail bars. Thrashing at gigs and random rave parties. We'll drink anything. We'll smoke anything. We'll stick our tongues down anyone's throat. It's been fucking fun.

And then V showed up. A didn't even notice at first. She was so wasted on butterscotch Shnapps and Mandarin vodka and white wine and beer and fuck even cider she could hardly see. She'd just thrown up in a sink and was dancing like only the extremely drunk can on a night out with G and P and a few other randoms. V spotted his favourite train wreck and decided he wanted her for the night. A tried to resist. After all she's been non-sexual nearly a year and has gotten pretty good at resisting temptation but V has moves. He knows what she wants. And he's fucking good at it.

A went back to his place for a night of absolutely wild, brain-blasting and head spiraling (though that could have been the booze) sex only to wake up in the morning and vomit for three hours straight. She then called J sounding terrified and sick as hell blabbering 'what the hell have i done? i've slept with V...so, so many times'. J had no idea what to say. She's never tried to give A advice about V because she never listens anyway. Besides, she's had her own problems. No one should have a boyfriend during the post-exam party period. Motley Crue has been planning a summer holiday for the two of them. J has been having candle-dripping and handcuff sex with guys she doesn't know. She feels guilty, and yet she doesn't at all.

A snuck out of V's house and went home to spend the day in bed with pizza and litres upon litres of water. She had three missed calls from V during the day. She has no idea what she's going to do.

What we're doing this month...

Loving: wacky dancing in the wind
Listening to: The Dandy Warhols
Crushing on: Logan from Veronica Mars
Worshipping: Why Miss Mars herself of course
Eating: lasagne
Drinking: Apply Guava juice and vodka
Rocking: black hair with a neon streak
Reading: High Fidelity by Nick Hornby
Failing: smart people shit

Monday, June 27, 2011

"Well excuse me if we haven't resorted ourselves to the gallows just yet"

It feels like it's been ages since anyone caught up with E. M, in particular, felt bad about it because they used to be such good friends but she basically hadn't seem him in 6 months. Probably she was too busy hanging out with her new skydiving buddies. But she refuses to ditch old friends for new friends and gave him a call to catch up, suggesting drinks with A and J. E was vague and they ended up organising a coffee date, forgoing drinks.

The coffee date was strained to say the least and left M feeling sour and guilty. She'd been so busy and couldn't help but blame herself for the drift in their friendship and she was feeling bad about it despite her apologies. However after talking about it with J she realised that the demise of their close friendship couldn't entirely be her fault. We've all been drifting a bit from E for a variety of reasons. It was always hard because of his history with K but as he was also closest with H when we stopped seeing her as much we suddenly didn't see him as often either. But if M was going to put in effort to fix things why was it so awkward? They'd gone time without seeing each other when they were busy before but it had never been awkward.

She tried to arrange another meeting with him and E admitted that he has a new girlfriend and the new girlfriend doesn't really like him socialising with other girls. M should have been more surprised about this but it has become a fixture of our lives now that people couple up and then disappear. It seems people are no longer content with their old 'single' lives when they couple up and have to cut off all their old friends. Like H. However E hasn't cut off any of his male friends. He sees them a little less but he still sees them and it's normal. Evidently the girlfriend just feels threatened by other female pals. It pisses M off because she and E have been friends a long time and she's never had those sort of feelings for him. She wants him to be happy and she wants him to have a great relationship but why does this mean she becomes garbage?

M suggested she, E and the girlfriend all meet up together so she can see how not into E M is and hopefully be more understanding of his friendship's with members of the opposite sex. E seemed a little funny about it but agreed to the three meeting them for lunch. His new girlfriend? Gorgeous. A definite 10 while E is...well, E is alright. M was surprised. How could this girl feel threatened from anyone? How could she think E was going to leave her for someone else? Seemed crazy. When E went to the toilet M tried to tell her all this and explain that firstly, she wasn't after E and secondly, well when E had someone like her he wouldn't want anyone else. Sadly the girlfriend took offence to these remarks, thinking M was suggesting E wasn't such a great catch and bagging out her boyfriend. M just couldn't win.

Once someone is in a relationship do their friendships always have to change such completely?Why is that?

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

"The ending is just the beginning repeating"

Sometimes the only way you can figure out what you want is by failing something. Being successful can be good, but not at the cost of your happiness. At the end of the day life should be about following your passions and doing what you want to do and not what people tell you you should do.

When we were younger we all thought being successful and #winning was what would make us happy. As we grow older we realise this is less and less true and we just want to have fun and let life take us where we're supposed to end up. It's about the journey and not the destination.

L recently lost her brand new job. She thought she was going to be great at it and things were starting off well. That is until a lying cow decided to get rid of L by blaming her own mistakes on L. Ouch. It's the first time L has ever failed at anything in her life and it's starting to make her revaluate everything. She's been completely focussed on doing well at uni and working towards her future for the last year or so and now that this has happened she's starting to see all the things she's thrown to the side and is starting to see that it isn't worth it after all. She's lost most of her friends and gave up the only chance at a real relationship she's ever had (secret admirer) and all the things she's been doing suddenly seem a waste. She's decided that the only way to get out of her study rut is to defer from uni for the next semester. She isn't sure what she's going to do exactly- perhaps work some shitty dead-end job, perhaps travel, perhaps something else entirely. It's the Eat Pray Love life selfishly theory. It's the sort of thing everyone has to do once in their life. There's no point dragging your feet and trudging through life until you wake up one day and you've missed it all. L needs a break to figure out who she is and what she wants.

J is starting to realise her relationship with Motley Crue is really more of a relationshit. He's holding her back from doing the things she should be able to do and is trying (although probably subconciously) to turn her into the sort of person that she hopes to hell she never will be. The two of them have fun drinking together and having sex and just hanging out, chilling with each other's family and friends and being together but J just doesn't think it's going to work out. For one thing Motley has no interest in moving into the city on even moving out of home despite the fact that he is employed full-time. He also has no motivation to go any further career-wise. That doesn't bother J for now but she doesn't see a future in it and can't understand why she would be monogomous for a guy she doesn't see being with her long-term. She likes Motley as a person and wouldn't mind continuing to sleep with him in a typical friends-with-benefits arrangment. She just sees herself as superior although she hates how snobby that makes her feel. J finished hgih school. Motely didn't. J's parents, while not rich, aren't in the lowest tax bracket and are fairly settled in their finances enough so that her father is retired and her mother works part-time just because she wants to. Motley's family are low-income earners and both have to keep working to support his family. J want to finish uni and have a professional career and live in a good suburb. Motley is happy with his current job that he dropped out of school for and can't see himself moving city-side.

A has been celibate for almost a year now and it's starting to get to her. That and she hasn't been a very good non-sexual. It isn't making her feel like a better or smarter person the way she thought it would. She isn't exactly ready to throw caution to the wind just yet, but after failing an exam (and the subject) she's starting to think maybe it's time she took some time off university and focused on other things. She just wants a change and a chance to express some of her creative tendencies (yes she has them) rather than boring her way through classes she doesn't care about and therefore doesn't attend.

Yeah, change can be a good thing.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

"Oh, she's like a comet, yeah she's different"

Is everything back to normal?

B and K (and big sis T along with her fresh-out-of-prison boyfriend) have headed overseas for a family vacation. They've been hanging with R's sister and catching up on all the news from the only guy that's ever gotten love from their family.

A and L are trading texts about guyliner and the times when The Killers' Brandon Flowers was actually cool and how sheer maxi dresses are never going to take off no matter how many of their uni friends think they are approriate attire.

J is having sex rather than studying for exams and going for ocean swims (yes, in winter) fully clothed at 5am before going straight to work.

Oh...except H is still nowhere to be seen.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

"A boy who doesn't stand up for himself becomes a man who doesn't stand up for anything"

Disclaimer: this isn't supposed to be a feminist rant but as i wrote it i realised it kind of came out that way and screw it, that's the way it's staying. that's not to say i'm not a feminist in real life, just that i try (and probably fail) to keep politics out of this blog and it wasn't intentionally a feminist piece.

Being an aggressive female means you hold a special place in the minds of anyone taught women should be sweet, kind and submissive (so everyone)- that is, the place of a psychotic overly-emotional bitch. Men are taught being angry makes them strong, women are taught it makes them weak. So what's a girl to do?

True, there's a difference between being assertive and being aggressive. There's a difference between standing up for yourself and trampling over others. But the hard and fast of it is that when you're taught to stay down your whole life it makes it really damn hard to stand up.

It depends how you're brought up probably. A and J were raised in families of feminists and brought up to believe they could do whatever the hell they wanted. They were brought up with parents who heaped pressure on them to be successful but also supported a 'girls will be girls' agenda when they made mistakes. It's probably why they became so independent and why they have no trouble standing up for themselves. Well it is perhaps true that A falls into the category of psychotic bitch no matter which way you put it but that's neither here nor there.

K has never had trouble standing up for herself either, in stark contrast to her twin sister. They were raised in a typical Asian family where the girls were quiet and the men made the money. B has always had self esteem issues because of it and has always had to have someone else to fight her battles. It's always K making complaints so B can have an extension on her assignment or ensure she gets paid right. Then again, when it comes to men K has no idea. Her whole 'relationship' with end-of-the-train-line proved that. She's so desperate to please she can't man up.

So what's the point to all this?


L has never really had much courage. She let her mother fight most of her fights when she was growing up and her over-protective mother was all to happy to make sure L was treated the way she should have been. The result being of course that L could never stand up to her own mother and still can't disagree with her on anything. It also means she's pretty much destroyed ehr friendship with A and J, because she won't stand up to K and the rumours she's been spreading. It's pretty much stuffed her friendship with H as well becasue she doesn't have the guts to fight for their friendship and call her out on the mistakes she's made.

And now L has been fired from a job for something she didn't do, because someone saw her weakness and decided to blame her, knowing that she wouldn't point the finger back. Now she has a permanent black mark against her name that may never fade.

How does someone who's stood down their whole life stand up?