A day in the life of...

The young have something no one else has or ever will have. Time.

It's true. We are smart, beautiful and...alcoholic.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

"Raise your glass if you are wrong, in all the right ways"

Christmas is approaching at an almost frightening rate, as it does every year. Of course, that may be because Christmas seems to arrive earlier and earlier every year. When did the Myer windows appear at the beginnning of November?

Anyway, with Christmas comes the office Christmas party. J, Bossman and Ronald McDonald headed off to theirs, which was packed with people from the company they work for, and with the free drinks flowing. J is never one to turn down free drinks. Hand her an oh-so-sophisticated red wine (or 6) and she's happy. Unfortunately it was a dress-up party, and J hates to dress up. The rest of us quite enjoy a dress-up party, but J's the one who will mysteriously 'forget' a costume, or add a hat or hairpiece to her outfit she'll remove seconds after arrival. But, for the Christmas party, she went along with the jungle theme. The plan was to have each store (J works for a big retail store with lots of locations) model their outfits and the best dressed one won. When their store name was called out however, Ronald McDonald was at the bar and Bossman was nowhere to be seen. So it was just J, all alone, with everyone staring at her, who had to parade around as the only representative for her store. How embarrassing, especially for someone who ahtes to dress up as it is. Luckily the night got a bit better as it wore on. Bossman hooked up with a guy and then suggested they, another random chick he had his eye on and J head off to the beach for after drinks and a late night swim. Ronald McDonald headed home but J was up for it, naturally. At the beach everyone stripped off and went swimming and J was foolling around with the guy Bossman had earlier hooked up with. That is, until she stepped on a broken bottle and split her foot open. There was blood everywhere and to her disappointment, J has to go home. It was probably for the best though. When she woke up she realised there was a distinct possibility she would have ended up in a threesome with Bossman and the other guy, or the other girl, or both. Two days later Ronald McDonald told her there'd been a call from head office asking if J and Bossman were an 'item'...

A and L decided to get civil and get over their argument. For once A played peacemaker and apologised and told L their friendship was worth to much for stupid fights. She must be getting soft in her old age. L admitted she was really hurting from what she called H's betrayal and her split with secret admirer. She said she really liked secret admirer but she didn't feel ready for a relationship. That's something A, of all people, can understand. She confessed to L that she really liked Hottie, but there was no way she was ready for a relationship. Secret admirer was sweet, kind and perfect for L. They both had close families, had ambitions in life and like the same TV shows. The timing just wasn't right. A feels the same way about Hottie. They have a lot in common, like their interest in music and football and hooking up at after-exams parties but she doesn't want a relationship. A doesn't know hot to 'date' and she doesn't understand commitment. At least L and A are bonding rather than fighting.

L decided she wanted to talk to H, so she sucked up her pride (and her fear) and decided to track her down at the sex shop. She was told H no longer worked there. This came as a shock to L, who realised she now had absolutely no way of contacting H. H has vanished from her life. From all out lives. And we still don't really know why.

K is still working 9-5 which she confesses she hates, but went out for dinner with J, M and A, and surprsingly they all had a good time. Maybe working full-time is calming K down a bit, she doesn't have the energy to be all crazy anymore.

J, A and L were supposed to go out pubbing/clubbing with B, but when they arrived at the pub B was already there with T and one of her friends. They shared a few drinks but when it was time to move on, B told them was going to stay with T and her friend because she hadn't seen T's friend in ages and she was 'like a sister' to her. They're used to B ditching them for her actual sisters, but her sister's friends who's 'like a sister'? That's a new low. However A doesn't seem to be into confrontation the way she normally is, so the three of them headed off themselves and had an enjoyable night smoking, drinking and dancing. No boys for a change. It was all fun until J's foot bandage fell off and started bleeding again and they had to go home. A and L stopped off at a Maccas on the way home and L accidently ordered sweet chilli sauce for her mcnuggets instead of sweet and sour. She became angry and started pelting the mcnuggets at cars driving past. A was just sitting and enjoying her free water. When did she become the calm, cool and collected one?

Monday, November 22, 2010

"Orange Mocha Frappucino!"

Dry shampoo just may be the best invention ever.

Summer is finally here which should mean long, lazy days at the beach and nights at the pub with towering beers and parmas the size opf our heads. Should? Oh yes it does.

K is on placement at the moment which means working 9-5 every day plus her extra shifts waitressing which means she's just too tired to do anything else anyway. B has a bit of extra time on her hands, when she isn't trying to convince herself that one-night-stand wants more than the odd booty call. Gentlemen don't ring at 3am and invite you over for any of the following: movies, night caps, talking, 'fun', etc etc. Of course gentlemen don't do other things...

There's a new guy at J's work and she was getting excited about the new eye candy because Bossman's recently shaved off all his hair and is growing some minature beard thing and has been looking rather odd lately. That is until she met Ronald McDonald. Tall, lanky and with bright red hair. J is not a fan of red hair at all. Not to mention he's one of those wanky 'company policy' types which is never fun. J is determined to hook him up with Bossman at the office Christmas party because as far as she's concerned, making out with Bossman is an important rite of passage. She also caught up with P and S on a night out, just the three of them. P has recently broken up with his boyfriend and bought a whole bunch of $50 mesh underwear, so he was ready to go. S was being a tool as he often is lately but P was being bitchy towards him the whole night so at least J had something to laugh about. S is still doing that thing where he acts like his life is perfect and then has a couple of drinks and starts getting all emo. How exhausting. J doesn't want deep and meaningfuls, especially not after a few drinks. Either you like your life, or you don't. S's pretending is starting to piss us all off.

A and L are in a fight over A's comment that it was L's fault H basically ditched us. Well, it isn't a fight so much as a cold war. They aren't really speaking, but they aren't really fighting. A is usually far more into confrontation than the silent treatment but she just doesn't have the energy to deal with the drama. L seems to be spoiling for a fight which is odd for her, but maybe the tension of losing her boyfriend and her best friend has the cracks starting to appear. Maybe A is too busy stressing over Hottie. She confessed to J and B that she is actually really into him. Maybe it's his good looks. Maybe it's that his hayfever symptoms are ridiculously cute. Maybe it's because he's amazing on a surfboard. Maybe it's everything. Either way it's a total shock because who's ever heard of committment phobic A being into a guy, and admitting it? If she starts going out with him it'll mean everyone's had a boyfriend this year...weirdest thing ever. The problem is A doesn't know have to deal with actually liking a guy, so she's treating Hottie as one of her usualy hook-ups. They've only hooked up the one time, and gone back to their flirty friendship at work.

L has received calls from secret admirer wanting to stay friends. She isn't sure she can handle that because she still isn't really sure what went on in their relationship, except that neither of them particularly want to be with each other and yet at the same time they do. She really wants time to be able to analyse the situation from the outside.

But the problem is, on your own life, it's never really possible to look inside from the outter is it?

Thursday, November 18, 2010

"The drinks are cheap and vinyl's cool"

There aren't too many people who go out and get hammered and night before a four hour law exam. But A isn't most people. Hardcore. When C offered them an all-you-can-drink night of beer, wine, daiquiris and punch for free, A and J were there bar all consequences. You can never have too many free drinks. Our motto in life.

The party was full of uni kids, because does anyone know a uni kid who will turn down free drinks? And pretty much everyone has finished their exams by this point.

J managed to find one of the most attractive guys at the party...at least until she discovered he was underage and tagging along with his big brother. J slowly backed away, that is until she realised she could get an introduction with the older brother. Poor kid must have been devestated to see J and his brother hooking up an hour later. Really, where are the family values? In the end though J became convinced the little brother was watching them in a creepy way and made her excuses. She spent the rest of the night dancing up a storm with C and his friends, downing drinks like...well, like they were free.

A was having fun arguing with one of C's friends about football (she does realise the season is over right?) when who should she spot but Hottie, the awesome guy from her work. Now A is supposed to be a non-sexual, she claimed a few months ago that she wasn't having or talking about sex or anything close to it because she was 'over' it. Which doesn't even make sense but sometimes A can be needlessly stubborn. Not tonight though. Maybe it was the free drinks, maybe it was just because Hottie is so damn good-looking (and an otherwise cool guy; he funny and friendly and nice too) but after leaving big brother J spotted A and Hottie making out in the corner and getting very handsy. A swears nothing else happened, but J isn't completely convinced. Either way it's obvious A has thrown away her non-sexual beliefs. Well, apparently he was a very good kisser. He'd have to be. Opinions keep A warm at night. We're pretty sure Hottie won her over when she bought Ramones and Guns N Roses CDs into work the other day and Hottie said, "It's not every day you find a girl who listens to The Ramones and and knows every lyric on Appetite for Destruction. Fucking awesome" before asking her what instrument she plays. A (like H) loves compliements on her music taste. Even still, A could have put up more of fight. Her first test as a non-sexual and she failed miserably. Let's hope she doesn't fail the exam.

B and K really should have ditched work and had some fun.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

"I left my head and my heart on the dancefloor"

Have I ever mentioned J has a phobia of answering her phone? Actually, it's not just J. It's a problem B and A have as well. Except A's is exclusively about guys she's slept with (committment problem much?), B's is usually family related (K calls a lot) and J just doesn't answer her phone no matter who calls. It doesn't matter whether it's that guy she went down on last weekend, her best friend, work...she hates answering her phone. She desn't even have a ringtone because she knows it doesn't matter if she hears it ringing. She won't pick up. That's not weird at all...right?

Anyway that's sort of a tangent to the main point. Back a couple of weeks ago when she had the urinary tract/kidney infection J met this really hot guy. Kinda awkward and not the best conversationalist but seriously hot and a ridiculously good kisser. Of course, J was dying to get into his pants but with her infections (yes she was out drinking on antibiotics, it's J remember?) she thought it was probably best if she didn't go home with him that night. Best not to compromise one's health. Instead she gave him her number and told him she was up for a good time...some other time.

The only problem? The guys calls her. Frequently. J can't answer her phone, and she can't call back. She'll send him text messages but she won't talk on the phone. And naturally she doesn't want to tell him she freaks out at the thought of answering her phone. It's weird, let's face it. She keeps hoping he'll get the hint and just text her back but he doesn't and just keeps calling her and leaving voice mails asking why she won't pick up her phone. J tells him she's at work. Via text of course.

J really wants to meet up with this guy, but she can't answer her phone. Is the phone phobia about to disrupt the thing J values most in life? That would be good sex for anyone playing at hime.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

"She was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene"

B seems to have a new special guy in her life. Although up until a month ago the only person she'd ever slept with was R, she decided it was time to let loose a little. Be young, have fun. Maybe it was seeing even her relationship-obsessed twin sister (yes, that would be K) enjoying the single life that turned B to no-strings-attached J-style sex.

Anyway, B has had three one-night-stands although she only had actual sex with two of them. It seems she partly wants to make R jealous, but being on the other side of the world is probably not going to spell success for her plan. It's good to see her finally doing something not directly related to R. She's spent so long obsessing over him and all we really want is for her to find someone new. Except, not a one-night-stand find someone new.

Unfortunately, no one seems to have told B that one-night-stands typically don't lead to happy relationships. Fuck buddy status yes. But boyfriend/girlfriend? Typically no.

And yet B is texting away and making calls and wondering why the only 'dates' one-night-stand suggests are late night 'movies' aka booty calls. The poor clueless girl. J has tried to explain that guys (and her) do not equate sex with a relationship. But B really likes him. Or so she says. Before saying he wasn't great-looking (we checked facebook. she was right) or very nice and that the sex was sort of uncomfortable. She doesn't really know his personality so what is there to like? Apparently he's a good kisser. Maybe he was having an off day in the sack?

The problem is, B's family don't provide her with good examples of how relationships should be. K and her dramatic stalkerships aren't recommended for everyone and T? She's actually dating a guy who just got sentenced to time in a Greek prison for murder. Not even kidding. T has tried to explain it all away as a 'misunderstanding' but seriously, juries don't often get it wrong. Not that I know anything about the Greek legal system but assuming it's anything like ours...Murder is scary. Murderers are scary.

And this is what B looks up to?

It makes R and one-night-stand seem like perfection.

Friday, November 12, 2010

"Bring your ship about to watch a friend drown"

New Year's Eve has held a curse for most of us for as long as we can remember. There's so much pressure to have a good night and it always ends up being expensive and no where near as good as any other nigh out...anyway with H bailing on the Falls Festival it seems the curse has hit again. Maybe we'll just spend NYE in bed and pretend it doesn't exist. We wish L would come instead, but she seems a bit depressed lately. Actually that shouldn't really be a surprise since she's recently broken up with her boyfriend and all but lost her best friend. In addition, she seems to be blaming H's abrupt departure on herself. This could be due to A's extremely harsh and uneccessary comment, "You know, you weren't spending a lot of time with us when you were with secret admirer. H was pretty pissed off. Maybe that's why we'll never see her again." Way too far. And while it's true L wasn't spending as much time with her friends when she had a boyfriend, she never ditched us. Certainly not the way H has. But L seems to feel guilty for pushing her best friend away and not being there for her and now H has vanished. So now all L wants to do is stay at home. Well, she is studying for exams.

It's hard to believe H would throw away friendships as old and close as ours without so much as a goodbye. But it's harder to believe that she'll come crawling back...and we'll take her back. L would, L has a good soul and a forgiving nature. A and J are far more cynical and jaded and cold. K's never like H all that much and even B can't understand throwing your friends away for a guy. Sure she ditched us a few times for R but she was still there she didn't just disappear.

When you think about it, it's actually very very strange.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

"Curse my enemies forever, let's slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful"

So we finally found H. Actually, that isn't quite true. No one has actually seen her. Today J got a text saying 'sorry its been awhile. btw probably not going to make it to falls/soundwave/bdo. you can just sell my tickets'. Did we mention H owes J and A several hundred dollars for concert tickets over the summer? Guess we won't be seeing that money. In addition, H was supposed to be driving A, J, B and K to the Falls Festival for New Years. L didn't get a ticket because she was planning to spend NYE with secret admirer. And she now can't afford a ticket. Now we won't be able to go because the rest of us can't drive. Except L, but she doesn't have a ticket. Theorectically we could just give L H's ticket, except L doesn't have her own car and has been in a kinda funk since the break-up. Although, exams.

Either way it doesn't seem like we'll be seeing much of H anymore.

What has happened to her? She's giving up everything she loves. Apparently she's quit her band. She never goes drinking anymore. She was obsessed with going to Soundwave because she LOVES Primus and Queens of the Stone Age. She's not doing any of the things that have defined who H is over the past 5 years. Miss Priss even told us H had dyed her usually multi-coloured hair back to brown because it felt more 'natural'. Since when is H about 'natural' things? She's always been the crazy out-there one who did things because they weren't natural.

Who is accidental date and what has he done with H?

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

"It's so emotional I was thinking about wearing waterproof mascara.”

Where in the world is H? She has literally vanished into thin air.

Yesterday L got a call from Miss Priss saying H was packing up all her things and saying she was moving out. It was really quite nice of her to call, we were under the impression Miss Priss didn't like us that much. L, J and A rushed over as soon as they could, but by the time they got there H was gone. Miss Priss explained that H had packed up everything, told her she was moving out and paid the next two months rent before disappearing into the wind. She isn't answering her phone, her emails, her text messaged, her facebook messages and any other technology she's plugged into. And now it would seem she's moved into accidental date's place, although that's an assumption and no one knows for sure. What is going on? L is considering staking out the sex shop just to catch H, except that's she's kind of freaked out by the place.

And yet, when did H become K? She was never the girl who'd ditch her friends for her boyfriend. H usually gets bored of guys really quickly. Committment is not her middle name.

Truth be told, we're actually kind of worried about her. Whe is she reacting to this guy this way? What is accidental date doing to her? Is he threatening her or trying to isolate her and drag her away from her friends? And if so, why is H putting up with that? It's completely out of character for her. And while H loves a bit of time for herself, she's never been uncontactable for this long before. We're all a bit concerned, the way you always are when a friend starts behaving in a way that's completely unexpected.

Maybe the sex shop stake-out isn't a terrible idea...

Sunday, November 7, 2010

"You better lawyer up asshole, because I'm not coming back for 30 percent, I'm coming back for everything"

Well, it's been a hectic and stressful couple of weeks. And it's not over, not by a long shot. This is the heart of exams but of course, we're trying not to worry too much about it. Trying to do more watching Modern Family and drinking mother + green apple flavoured vodka than actual study and work because hey, we're failure right?

L is in hibernation for exams, which she often is. It's how she maintains those incredible grades of hers. Also, she's recently quit all her jobs and doesn't have any hobby/extracurricular committments, so she really has to get good marks to justify that right? She's also recently broken up with secret admirer. Everyone was naturally upset for her, because even though she wasn't hanging out with the others as much due to lack of time, secret admirer was a nice guy. And with so many assholes wandering around looking to get laid, that's a rare thing. And now that they've split up, L doesn't appear to be up for any more partying than she was previously. In fact she's said something along the lines of 'I'm over drinking' which might just be an exam thing, but who breaks up with their amazing boyfriend and doesn't even have a raging night out to get over it? Okay, maybe people under the age of 15 and over the age of 30 but that is not L or us. Maybe she's just really upset because of the break-up. Fair enough.

J has given up on full-time work. It messes with her heavy partying lifestyle. After one of those crazy nights out with A, which ended with both of them swinging from the top of toilet walls (it doesn't make sense until you've seen it) J woke up in bed with three different guys who she'd never met before. She was pretty damn proud of this. It isn't every day you land three guys in a night. Unfortunatly she ended up with a urinary tract infection, which in turn led to a kidney infection and her spending a few nights in hospital. See, everyone is getting loaded into ambulances and getting sent to the hospital lately. After that little fiasco, J decided it was time to clean up her act. Maybe join a church, stop drinking, stop having sex and ...wait...no! Of course not. It's J. She's our Samantha. Kidney infection or not, J is still hitting the clubbing scene. Which is how she was the first to find out (everyone else was examing on this particular week) that V is now running and promoting our favourite night at our favourite club. That's bye-bye great music, cheap drinks and ripping posters off the walls without being kicked out. V, popular dude as he is, has arranged it so the place is now full of all of his friends, and none of ours. No longer can we scream and dance crazily without everyone staring at us like we're freaks. No longer is the beer garden full of our favourite indie boys who roll their own cigarettes. Instead they've all been replaced with V-types, the ones who wear fluro shirts and listen to trance. A tried to stop him, of course. Upon hearing from J that he was now in charge she turned psycho, showing up in a cab all K-like, screaming and ranting and raving that V was a shit DJ, a shit person and bad in bed to boot. Which isn't even true, if you listen to her on a normal and sober day. Which, to be fair, is rare in A's case. J tried to stop A. Looks like we won't be going back there in a hurry...

Speaking of A, she's still playing her no-sex game while flirting constantly with Hottie from work. The sexual innuendo is getting completely over-the-top, especially with the new gay guy with the dirtiest mind on the planet. The three of them talk nothing but sex and A may not be having actual sex but she's eye-fucking the shit out of Hottie at least once a day. That is when she's not joking with the new gay guy. Last week they did a 'gender swap'- she wore all guys clothes (cut-off cargo shorts, t-shirt, tarten shirt and men's thongs) he wore all girls clothes (hot pink singlet, black short-shorts). She's also getting involved in uni extracurriculars, this coming from the only person in year 9 who didn't appear in the school play. She won a uni negotiation competition and is now going to the national finals, and her and her partner terrorised the competition in the latest mooting competition. Public speaking and arguing is A's forte after all.

B is playing slut, and then getting T to spread all sorts of rumours back to R, who's back living thousands of miles away. It seems absence makes the heart go fonder and B is back trying to make him jealous like she was all those months ago when they first broke up. Except, she's actually having sex which would make these guys the only ones she's slept with besides R. Well, someone has to do the guys now that A's being all virgin prude. Anyone with any form of accent, and B's in bed. It's all well and good that she's having fun but she just won't shut up about it. We all like a bit of sex talk but it's really only interesting the first time around. B's stories are interesting and entertaining the first time, but her problem is that she's a broken record always on repeat. Can we talk about something else now?

H has disappeared completely from the face of this earth. Texts and facebook messages have gone without reply, phones aren't answered and Miss Priss has helpfully informed us that H is rarely home, and no she doesn't know where the new boyfriend -aka accidental date- lives. When did she ever become the girl who ditches her friends for a guy? Oh well. She'll get bored eventually. She always does.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

What we're doing this month...

Loving: The Spring Carnival. Because we need more excuses to drink and lose money
Listening to: Violent Soho. Aussie Rock.
Crushing on: any guy who isn't growing a moustache for Movember
Worshipping: the guys actually raising money for Movember
Eating: lollipops we didn't give the kiddies on Halloween
Drinking: Fruit Tingles. Don't know what's in them, but yum!
Rocking: 50s style dresses in bright colours
Wentworth Shire Council v Berryman & Anor:CALLINAN J: Mr Jackson, it seems to me that clearly the people at the party, including Ms Joslyn and Mr Berryman, went out with the intention of getting drunk.
MR JACKSON: It would be a big night, your Honour, big night.
CALLINAN J: With the intention of getting drunk and they fulfilled that intention.
MR JACKSON: Well, your Honour, young people sometimes - - -
KIRBY J: I just think “drunk” is a label and I am a little worried about - it is not necessary to put that label. It is just that they were sufficiently affected by alcohol to affect their capacity to drive.
KIRBY J: “A drunk” has all sorts of baggage with it.
HAYNE J: Perhaps “hammered” is the more modern expression, Mr Jackson, or “well and truly hammered”.
MR JACKSON: I am indebted to your Honour.
KIRBY J: I do not know any of these expressions.
McHUGH J: No, no. Justice Hayne must live a very different life to the sort of life we lead.
KIRBY J: I have never heard that word “hammered” before, never. Not before this very minute.
Failing: Oh god, everything