A day in the life of...

The young have something no one else has or ever will have. Time.

It's true. We are smart, beautiful and...alcoholic.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

"I remember shots, without a chaser, absentminded thoughts, now you're a stranger"

Lose a friend, gain a friend.

After months of not seeing B and K, it seems they're back hanging with the others. On the other hand, H and L are nowhere to be seen. H seems really in to her new boyfriend which is so unlike H it's quite shocking. As for L, well she sent a group text message saying she won't be drinking until further notice although she will be up for things like shopping and lunching. Here's the thing, if you're going to bail on all future events (and all of the future planned events currently involve drinking) you should suggest an alternative. A concrete alternative. Such as: don't really feel like drinking but want to go shopping/lunching/coffee/whatever on the weekend? You don't just say 'I still wanna hang out' but offer no viable solution. That's only going to piss off all the people you just bailed on. We understand L has secret admirer now but what, she doesn't have any time for the people who've been her best friends for the past 10 years? Bit harsh don't you think L?

Last night A, J, B, K, N and a few of K's uni friends all went out together. It was great to see N, who hasn't been around in forever. Apparently she's been really busy lately but is going to try and start hanging out with us more. Fair enough. N's been working 3 jobs and has just applied for another one to dress up as Santa's elf during the Christmas season. C'mon, that wouldn't be fun? Anyway copious amounts of alcohol were had by all, thanks to the entire bottle of raki B managed to sneak in. This led to stripper-style dancing on tables. Hang your head in shame girls. All of K's friends seemed a tad embarrassed to be seen with us, probably because we'd turned into those loud Ladette to Lady types. Oh well, it was a fun night. J can't remember how many guys she made out with although she claims it was only 2. B thinks it has to be at least 5, including one guy who was groping her up against the wall. A turned down any friendly guy with a disgusted scowl and a glare. Pissed off about the whole 'non-sexual' thing she smoked some pot and spent the rest of the evening staring at a plastic plant. A hardly ever does drugs seeings as their illegal and she's a good ol' law-abiding citizen...although she never acts it. Has she replasec sex with drugs? And wouldn't she be better off with sex? She really should quit this idiotic anti-sex thing. B spent much of the evening chatting to some American guy who's accent she couldn't quite figure out but he walked off when she started telling the whole R story. It's been a year, and he's gone back home. B really needs to move on. She's trying, really, but it's hard for her.

J, A and S met up for coffee to try and save their friendship. Bossman was supposed to go along as a buffer, but he had to work. In the beginning it was awkard. No one really knew what to say. A kept asking endless questions about his trip because she hasn't seem him since them. S announced his new job (apparently he sells expensive suits) and J started a fight about how S has become so pretentious. This started a huge argument with S saying at least he's happy with his life and doesn't have to self-medicate with alcohol and sex with strangers. Which led to J yelling that at least she didn't pretend to have the perfect life and then turn around and cheat on his girlfriend. A tried to mediate but she's pretty much the worst mediator ever and started accusing S of being pissed off because neither she nor J will sleep with him. However all the yelling might have been a good thing because they all admitted that, despite their differences they've all had a lot of fun and a lot of memories together. The friendship is kind of in limbo at the moment, but at least there's hope.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

"Light touch my hand, in a dream of Golden Skans, from now on, you can forget all future plans"

Ice-cold beer and French cigarettes.

Sweet potato soup and faux fur coats.

It's supposed to be Spring but it sure as hell doesn't feel like it. Instead of going to the beach or playing cricket in the park we're still rugged up and watching The Vampire Diaries marathons. So much better than Twilight, obviously. We've also been watching a lot of Dawson's Creek because it's jsut so classic even though Dawson just may be the most irritating TV character since...well anyone Asher Keddie has ever played.

H and L are still hanging out with their respective boyfriends which has led the rest of us to wonder what on earth has happened to our single fancy-free lives. B farewelled R, who's gone back to Scotland and with a bit of luck she can slam the door on their entire relationship and forget it ever happened. Maybe she'll get some of her self-esteem back in the process. K is still with her boyfriend, but it's not exactly running along smoothly. He's not taking B's ranga jokes particularly well. Hmmm, maybe we should stop watching Summer Heights High. J has made up with Bossman and organised a coffee date with S. She figures it's long enough since he got back from his trip that he may not be acting so pretentious. A attended G's birthday, got completely smashed and ended up dancing half-naked on the top of a table. And not just dancing but The Robot. This is what happens when you don't have sex. Not to mention she has been flirting way too much with Hottie at work. Taking a few leaves out of J's book?

Monday, September 27, 2010

"Cigarette Stained Lies"

Collingwood supporters are born, not made.

The Grand Final may be 'one day in September' but with the recent draw the the replay (AFL rules state that the entire game must be replayed one week later) means it has become...one day in October. It also means we have to repeat the booze-up BBQ and wild night we had last week yet again. It also means A isn't sure what's happening with all the bets she placed on the game, including the bet she made with Hottie from work. The bet was on money, not sex. Non-sexual, remember?

Both B and K amazingly showed up at J's BBQ. K wasn't even invited but she tagged along with B's invite. Well, at least she brought a salad. Apparently the ranga boyfriend's been giving her the shits because the sex has been continuously awful so she didn't want to go to his BBQ and well, Asian parents don't throw the best Grand Final beef-n-pie barbies do they? Still K spent a decent part of the game trying to corner J and ask her if she actually enjoyed sex because K has never enjoyed sex in her life. Well, um...yeah. Obviously J enjoys her sex life. And it obviously wasn't the right time to bring it up. It was the GRAND FINAL. It was an intense game. A pretty much did not stop screaming the entire game. At one point C smahed his glass into the wall and left a huge dent. So J pretty much ignored her, which led to K getting annoyed. No wonder she managed to get so drunk that night, thrown out by bouncers and sent home early. Again. Nothing ever changes with K does it? She's exactly the same now as she's always been.

L and H both missed the big Grand Final BBQ. L decided to go to secret admirer's house for his BBQ with his friends instead of ours. Insulting to say the least. But then L has been spending a lot of time with him lately and not that much with us. It's been pissing H off the most, but A and J aren't too pleased either. This week L has no uni but she hasn't made a single plan with her friends. Instead she's planned to spend all week with her boyfriend. Of course she has to spend time with him, but is it too much to ask to make some time with your mates? Bros before hoes and all that? As for H, she isn't really interested in footy. At least, not when her team didn't make it to the finals. Besides, H was hanging out with her new boyfriend. Yeah, H and the word boyfriend in the same sentence. She's sort of become trapped with the guy she ended up on the accidental date with. He kept leaving her voicemail messages and texts and well, they had to work together so she figured she might as well give it a go. And as it turned out, she kinda liked him. In fact, she's spent every day of the past week with him. But no one can figure out if that's because she wants to or because she feels like she has to. H is not the sort of person who spends all her time with one other person even when she likes them. She gets bored way too easily.

J is currently fighting with Bossman over his 'interest' in AFL. There's nothing we hate more than people who pretend to be interested in things they know nothing about. And Grand Final week is when all the phonies start coming in the window. Bossman, who's from Perth, has absolutely no knowledge about football and has never supported a team. But the past month he's been chatting to customers like he's an instant expert and acts surprised whenever J talks about football. For a start J has been interested in football her entire life, and watches almost every game. She's mentioned it about a thousand times and asked for Grand Final Day off about a month ago. Anyway she cracked the shits and told Bossman he'd better stop pretending to like football when it was obvious he was just trying to 'fit in' etc etc. Then he got pissed off because she was pissed off...lucky they haven't got their matching tattoos/carvings yet.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

"Cause we like having fun at other people's expense and"

There's always someone trashing the pub/club bathrooms. That's usually us. Let's face it, when you're drunk and all the walls are covered in lame posters they are just asking to be torn down. But lately our behaviour is getting even worse.

A and J have always been a little obsessed with fire. Recently though it's been getting out of control. Every time they're in the toilets they joyfully light an entire roll of toilet paper with a lighter just to watch it burn. And boy does it burn. So far they've always managed to put the fire out without the whole room going up in flames but is it just a matter of time? Last week when they got home they realised their stockings were full of holes...burnt when they were stamping out their latest fire. A few times they've also thrown their freshly made balls of fire under (or over) other cubicle walls...just to hear the screams.

Speaking of bathroom trouble, H and L disappeared last week for about 10 minutes in the bathroom. No one could find them and went on a bit of a search. Peering into the bathroom revealed that two of the walls had fallen down, creating a domino affect where every toilet wall in the bathroom has collapsed. H and L were laughing manically in the corner although, of course, denied it was there doing. If you hunted through H's handbag the next morning though you would have found a few loose screws...

B's always had fun stealing things. Usually though it's small things. A few CDs, a hat here and there, witch's hats (as in traffic cones), the odd soap dispenser...well C's been giving her a run for her money with his antics. A recent visit to his house revealed just how much stuff C has knocked off. Two huge boxes stuffed with toilet paper, several cocktail shakers, bar stools, leather jackets, a mirror, a tap, a table and a range of other stuff. Soon C will be able to set up hiw own bar.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

"Every duck has his day"

Of course as soon as A decides to give up sex, the hottest guy on earth decides to show up at her workplace. Then again A should know better than to pursue anything at work, remember what happened last time she decided to hook up with a co-worker? To be fair, he disappeared into thin air so A didn't have to deal with any of the awkwardness but she did lose a friend and the funnest person she's ever worked with. But this new guy is so hot it's making A forget all the reasons why not. And not only is he hot he's completely flirtatious, a total smart arse (total A turn-on, see V), smart, talented and absolutely hilarious. Making work days fun again. But A has made the choice to go non-sexual (which fwi includes kissing) and so it's just friends for now.

Speaking of work and relationships, J and Bossman have decided to get matching tattoos. Well, perhaps tattoos is the wrong word. They've decided to get matching designs carved into their bodies with a scalpal. Basically it involves having large chunks of skin carved out of your body and the resulting scar being a 'cool design'. Apparently body carvings are the new tattoos. That is if you listen to the sorts of people who are into serious pain. Meaning J and Bossman obviously.

Then there's H and the accidental date. H has managed to avoide the dude she thought had a crush on her at work and all was going well until what was supposed to be a group trup to the movies. H was told everyone from work was going and thus she'd better bloody be there. Even though she was supposed to be going to a blink 182 themed night with A and J (these are the nights we all live for) off she went to the movies because, well, the guys she works with are pretty funny. Working in a sex shop brings out everyone's weirdo. Anyway when she got to the movies the guy who'd invited her was there...but no one else. Apparently 'no one else could make it'. So H suffered through an awkward movie date...and then dinner before making her excuses to run off. Only when she got home there was a new message on her voicemail saying 'So we're dating now right'. One guess who it was from...

Lucky L has secret admirer.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

"Every time I go to the dentist, someone dies"

Why is everyone we know being taken to the hospital? It all started with A outdrinking people who had to be carted away in an ambulance, but all of a sudden it's out of control. After not having seen B in weeks, J thought she'd give her a call, only to discover B is in the hospital on a drip with a range of illnesses including glandular fever. B has no idea how she fell ill, only that she can hardly get out of bed and can barely talk. Not long after L heard word that her uncle had been hospitalised after attempting suicide. L was shocked, since he seemed like such a normal and happy guy. He has been happily married for years, has two teenaged kids, a stable job and didn't appear to have anything to worry about. The day after that H, after an early night pre-drinking, slipped in the shower getting ready. She broke her arm and had to get it put in plaster although at least she didn't have to stay overnight in the hospital.

So now the only question is: who is next?

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

"What garlic is to food, insanity is to art."

Quality or quantity? Often it's the big question.

We're not exactly cheapskates, but nor do we have the best of everything. For one thing, it's just not cost effective. We're half-broke uni students remember? We're not the children of the rich and famous. We have to choose between what's worth the high price tag, and what's not.

When it comes to our alcohol supply, you'd think we'd be big spenders right? Well, occasionally. For parties and new cocktails and special occasion we'll splash out on Absolut or Grey Goose or the other more expensive brands. But for our every day siupply you'll see us hunting through the bargain bins. Home brand vodka, $2 bottles of wine and anything cheap we can get our hands on. Let's face it, after the 10th drink you're not that concerned how long the whiskey's been aged. So for shots and handbag drinks, it's always the cheap stuff.

Fashion is always a tricky question. There are some things that brands do best. Swimsuits, jeans and shoes are among the things we spend 90% of our clothes cash on. Sure you can buy $5 heels, but your feet are going to be damn sore at the end of the night. On the other hand, t-shirts and singlets are always being bought at chain stores from $2.

Nail polish and lip glosses should never be purchased for over $5 because quality wise, they're the same. Foundation and mascara though, that's where we break the bank.

And then there's garlic.

A couple of weeks ago we bought this pizza while out and about that was essentially tomato, cheese and garlic. Simple but so delicious. So, of course, we decided to make our own at home. It wasn't anywhere near as good and we couldn't work out why. Well, other than the fact that home-cooked meals are never quite as good, but this pizza welll, it wasn't good at all. In fact it was bad. It tasted like limp tomato and cheese. That's when we learnt an important lesson about garlic. From our grandmothers no less. Garlic is one of those things you can buy for so little money it's practically a steal. On the other hand, you can pay good money for what appears to be the exact same thing. It's not the same. Good garlic is fantastic. It brings so much flavour and scent to the dish, it brightens all the other flavours and just gives it that classy added touch. Bad garlic adds nothing. You can put a whole jar of cheap garlic in a dish and not be able to taste it. But you can taste the fresh zing of a single clove of fresh Australian garlic. Thanks to some good quality garlic, we're eating our simple yet delicious pizzas at home.

Thanks gran. We'll always remember that when it comes to garlic you want quality, not quantity.

What we're doing this month...

Loving: September! Sring has sprung! Footy finals! Footy parties and big matches and meat pies and beer beer beer. If only we could get tickets to the Grand Final to see our teams...
Listening to: Queens of the Stone Age- Soundwave 2011!
Crushing on: Ryan Reynolds
Worshipping: Josh Homme
Eating: dumplings of all kinds and sizes
Drinking: Long Island Iced Tea, bring on summer!
Rocking: our geeky lab coats to dress-up parties
Reading: the newspaper...will there be a Federal Government?
Failing: to keep our chin up when the sun's not up