A day in the life of...

The young have something no one else has or ever will have. Time.

It's true. We are smart, beautiful and...alcoholic.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

"Scar tissue that I wish you saw, sarcastic mister know-it-all"

Today a whole bunch of us met up for coffee and chocolate-cheesecake brownies (two of the best things on this planet) and to apply for compensation metcards because the public transport system in this city SUCKS and they're supposed to give monthly ticket holders compensation tickets if they don't meet cancellation/delay targets. Well, it's that bloody hard to find out if those targets were met and where on earth the compensation form is located online that we soon gave up. Not to mention they give you only 6 weeks (or a month for certain ticket holders) to apply for said compensation so you can't do multiple months at once. Even connex gave you 2 months. Fuck you metro!

Okay now that that rant's over with (and if anyone does have the link for the metro compensation form an email to frenchtoastandfailure@gmail.com would be greatly appreciated)...

Last night J ignored texts and calls from B and K to go clubbing with Bossman. They went to several bars and a punk rock club and were having a lot of fun. There was probably a bit more flirting involved than should have been, but they didn't hook up so all's well that ends well. It would have been an excellent night, except that at 2am Bossman's girlfriend started calling him and demanding to know where he was. To get her off his case he invited her out, not really thinking she would because she'd be tucked up in bed. Well, she did come out and put out the fun too. J immediatly startied feeling like a third wheel and didn't like the girlfriend at all. She was one of those girls that bursts into tears at the first sign of not getting what she wants which is always irritating. She threw a fit (complete with a lot of fake coughing) because J wanted to smoke and started yelling at Bossman for hitting on other girls (he wasn't), including J. She was also trying to get rid of J and convince Bossman to go home. What a charmer really. No wonder she has so few friends other than Bossman. Eventually J got sick of it and ditched them for a bunch of guys drugged out of their minds on ice. She enjoyed the rest of the night with them, and ended up sharing a hotel room with two of them before ehading off to work at 8 the next morning.

H has started a rock band with a few friends from her new job at a sex shop. She actually quite likes it, despite the sometimes questionable customers who like to mastubate on things. Still, her co-workers are pretty cool and the pay is good so there aren't that many complaints. Plus, they don't care about her nose ring at all. Anyway H has played bass and guitar for years and has recently started playing the drums. She's teamed up with two guys from work and are convinced they're going to be the next Red Hot Chilli Peppers, except that none of them can actually sing. She's dedicated the next week to finding a singer, since she won't be working at her other job anymore. H has always been involved in the local music scene as her older brothers are in a band and her parents have been involved in the industry too. She drinks with a lot of Australian rock stars but this is her first go and becoming one herself.

L is freaking out about upcoming exams and has holed herself up at home in a frantic attempt to learn everything she is already supposed to know. Isn't the always the case? Still, she's had time to go on a few drinking adventures with various uni/work/mutual friends and play endless card games which usually involve all the clothes coming off and someone getting out the garden hose...

Meanwhile we are all obsessing with the facebook group 'Facebook Relationship Status Options Are Insufficient'. Pure gold!

Saturday, May 29, 2010

"And I, leave behind, this hurricane of fucking lies"

Last weekend was spent in a drunken daze (as per usual) but for once it actually had a purpose: with the winter arriving and sudden rain and temperatures below 15 C tights just don't cut it anymore. Only with a bit of absinthe or good quality rum running through your veins can you ignore the chills. There was a lot of dancing to nineties classics (blink 182, the spice girls & and those thrashy boy bands) and a lot of cigarettes (cue J managing to light her bag on fire, albiet breifly, she really shouldn't have her lighter anywhere near anything vaguely fammable). There was no Justin, Gaga, B or K. No Justin because he and J aren't having sex and she's all but given up on him. No Gaga because A doesn't do actual relationships, and never brings her boys out to introduce them to friends because that's just not her style. She likes to keep her secrets. No B or K because they weren't talking to everyone.

However now, with their family overseas (T is off to China), R still in new Zealand (let's hope he never returns) and K's recent break-up with the uni-boyfriend (the term 'boyfriend' being applied very loosely) they seem to want the fab four (that is J, A, H and L naturally) back in their lives. Well, sort of. K has been ignoring both A and L's attempts to contact her on facebook. Perhaps not so odd with A since A never puts up with K's over-drama and antics and they don't get along that well, but K and sweet L have always gotten along. It's almost impossible to fight with L, she's so good-natured. And it's no surprise that H hasn't had contact with the twins, especially K. H and K have never been exactly close, possibly due to their irreconciable differences and possibly because of H's friendship with K's ex E.

Anyway the fab four had all but given up hope of ever speaking to them again (okay, not realistically, it had only been 2 weeks and the sisters frequently get themselves into these fits and ignore everyone else for a month or 2) when this morning J received a bunch of texts from both of them. The first few were from B suggesting they head out tonight. This only further insulted J as it suggested she doesn't have any other friends or plans and relies on B for her fun. J is going out with Bossman tonight anyway, since the two are getting along so well lately. And to think J hated him when she first started. B started practically begging J to go out with her and ditch Bossman. Did she really think that was going to work? J is much closer to Bossman these days than B who is completely unreliable and didn't even apologise for her over-the-top behaviour which is why they haven't spoken in weeks. A mere hour after B's texts, J started receiving some from K. These were mostly along the lines of the hey-how-are-you-how-are-things-with-Justin theme. It was strange to say the least. J sent a couple of messages back but didn't really understand any of it. What exactly are B and K hoping to acheive?

The question for the fab four is quickly becomiong: is it worth it to have these two people in our lives? It's no question that B and K are fun. K is completely insane, and her antics always have us in laughs the next day. From fights with bouncers to stalking guys whose name she doesn't know to sneaking into gigs to making friends with weirdos on the train...she's a laugh and a half. She's also a drama queen with no sense of approriate time and place. Who needs the public fights, the 4am crying phone calls, the many lies and wild goose chases we always seem to end up on (last Halloween we ended up crashing a 15 year old's birthday because she told us this guy she liked was having a party) and everything else that does with it? As for B, she used to always be a good time. Then she broke up with R, seemed to loose all her self-esteem and is never fun anymore. And she always lies as well. No one likes a liar.

The last two weeks without the twins have been just as much crazy fun as ever. We've danced in random people's backyards, had too much to drink, and skidded down rainy roads on old sleds. Tomorrow G and A have entered themselves in a skateboarding competition for a laugh (neither of them can skate) and H, L and E are doing karoke. Who needs B and K? Well, really.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

"It's just one of those days when you don't wanna wake up"

This week has not started off on a good note.

L showed up for a lecture at 9am Monday morning (her only class of the day) only to realise the lecture had been moved to Thursday and she'd gotten out of bed for nothing.

A managed to flood her bathroom while running a bath, and then slipped over, bruised her back and got all her clothes wet. It's been raining all week and she can't dry them.

J's computer got a virus and she had to get the hardrive wiped. Goodbye to the 30 GB of songs (that's over 6000) she had stored on there. For J, who's obsessed with music, this just might trigger a nervous breakdown.

H got told from her job, pushing shit around, that she wouldn't be getting anymore shifts unless she removed her nose piercing. H has had said piercing since she started abiut 6 months ago, why did they wait so long to tell her?

B and K? Who the hell knows?

It can't get any worse though...right?

Friday, May 21, 2010

"Hope you die, hope you die, love from me"

J can't deal with Justin anymore. It's just too much for her. She's stresses out all the time. Relationships and J do not go well together. Especially when they don't involve sex. It leads to endless frustration and flirting with Bossman and a level that's not healthy for their working relationship. Not that they've ever really had a healthy working relationship...J's worried that Justin actually can't have sex. As in, he has a problem in that area. To be fair he is usually drunk when he's...uh...problem manifests but he doesn't drink that much and it's not something J wants to have to worry about. She can't have a guy that doesn't appear to want to have sex. Whenever she says she wants sex he says he's not in the mood and just wants cuddles and movies. J doesn't do cuddles. What kind of guy doesn't want sex? Maybe he's gay. He did take J to a gay bar but that leads to the next question: what kind of guy takes his girlfriend to a gay bar? Not that J is his girlfriend. That would mean she'd have to stop looking for sexual satisfaction from other guys.

A and Gaga aren't spending much time together which is unfortunate because they are such a good match. L and J have been encouraging A to treat Gaga better and actually form a relationship because they are...well, perfect. A gets pissed off whenever anyone mentions her and Gaga in the same sentence though. She's just doesn't want to be with Gaga. Sure he's fun and she likes him but she jsut doesn't care enough. Typical A. She doesn't take kindly to being told to grow up.

H has come down with the flu which she isn't happy about but turns out there's an advantage to having a freaky flatmate like Miss Priss. Three words: chicken noodle soup.

Rumour has it that K has broken up with her uni boyfriend and moved back in with B. The other haven't seen either of them since last week. Fairly annoying since B owes J and A around $100 each.

Monday, May 17, 2010

"Well I did if I loved but I never dreamed there Would be someone there who would catch my attention I wasn't out searching for love or affection"

The truth about A and GAGA

It's funny when you find your perfect match. J and Justin may still not be sleeping together (J has come down with a nasty bug, and refuses to sacrifice her Saturday nights for a guy) but, though they've known each other way less A and Gaga have turned out to be perfect together. Meaning, of course, that they aren't actually together at all...
A has always been the sort of person who bumbles through life, certain that everything will end up okay and not worrying too much about anything. Possibly because in her life, everything has worked out eventually. She never studies or attends classes, and somehow manages to get great marks. She always leaves everything to the absolute last second but never panics and always gets things done on time, usually with about 60 seconds to spare. She's never had problems with depression or self-confidence. She just doesn't really panic or worry. She can have huge fights and confrontaions with people but is usually over it the next day. As it turns out, Gaga is exactly the same. Relaxed and chill and easy-going he just lets life float along in the hope things will just work out.
Of course, there's a reason opposites usually attract. In every relationship (friendships included) there is a chaser and a chasee. For example, K is always the chaser. She's the one who calls and makes plans and makes sure there is actually a relationship. A is the exact opposite. She never makes the first call. She'll always reply text messages and return calls, she'll always show up when she says she will but she just can't be bothered making the first effort. It's true with guys and it's true with her friends. the only problem? Gaga is the same. He won't be sending the first text or making dates with A. He just bumbles along and so does she. It's working at the moment because they hang out with J and Justin (or meet with them and go and do their own thing) so there's no real effort on anyone's part.
So A and Gaga have fun hanging out in bars (playing pool) and beds (playing other games) but will they ever be a real couple?
Probably not. A doesn't want a 'relationship' anyway.

A weekend without B and K

Friday was football, beer aand meat pies, with a few cocktails after. Nothing too exciting. For a change.

J, A, M and H went out to a club they knew everyone they knew was going to. All of them dressed in black (it's winter yeah) they were prepared for a good night after pre-pre-drinks and pre-drinks involving slabs of energy drinks, bottles of wine, and about a litre of cheap and nasty gin. H had to work until 11pm so she joined the other later after sculling a bottle of white wine. Goon just isn't classy. it was a long night of dancing and bumping onto family friends and uni friends. J flashed her new snake tattoo (done Friday) in exchange for other tattoo flashers although she got a bit more flesh than she bargained for in some cases. A caught out an underage family friend. M met a bitchy girl she used to do singing lessons with who was really drunk, and somehow convinced her to make-out with a realy fug guy who was following them around. H showed up with enthusiastic dance moves but wasn't happy with a guy in a backpack on the dancefloor but soon got rid of him when Rage Against the Machine came on. J ignored numerous phone calls from Justin but they ended up meeting up with him and his friends (he's a persistant one, definitely the chaser) for pizza and gatorade/powerade. A went home with Gaga while J brushed Justin off and slept at H's, much to the dismay of Miss Priss when she discovered J on the couch in the morning. Somehow J managed to turn on the charm and convince Miss Priss to make her french toast, blueberries and cream for breakfast before heading off to work with the boss she hooked up with last week. Surprisingly it wasn't awkward (proving it's only awkward if you make it awkward) although J is now trying to convince Bossman to break up with his loser girlfriend so she can move in with him. He has an awesome apartment but not that awesome.

L went with one of her other friends to the birthday party of a friend from university. He's noy exactly the most amazing guy. He's a bit of a prick and wanker and overly articulate (like many a law student- but not L of course!) and seems to really hate A for some reason. A doesn't like him much either. Anyway the party turned out to be up 7 flights of stairs which is a big mistake when alcohol is invloved. Uni-guy was present and L got spooked even though he didn't say a word to her. He casually ignored her just as he's been ignoring all of us lately. The main reason L went is she's heavily attracted to one of the birthday boy's friends. The only problem? Well, other than the fact that she's never spoken to him A and H (the only two who've met him) are convinced he's gay. A can usually pick a gay from a mile off (so can J but that's another story) and the signs (him being overly fashionable and sitting with his legs crossed) but L is sure he isn't gay. Anyway she thought she could 'find out the truth' at the party. L isn't much good at crazy plans so she spent most of the night obsessing over every tiny little bit of his behaviour while huddled in the corner so he (and uni-guy) wouldn't spot her. Whe she couldn't just ask the guy, or hell the birthday boy, is unclear. Why she didn't have a better plan is unclear. Why she couldn't just go and hit on him is unclear. Anyway after spending all night hiding, L learned nothing of note. He didn't do anything 'obviously gay' although he did hug another guy so now L is more confused than she was initially. Hugging another guy is no real sign that he is gay, but for whatever reason L went from thinking he was straight to now 'fairly sure' he's gay. Huh. Really, the mystery continues. Along with the mystery over uni-guy and why he's been barring everyone.

So many unanswered questions, so little time.

Friday, May 14, 2010

"You're just a slutty lying liar that lies"

Because we're such good friends we thought we'd invite K and B out together without them knowing they would be going out together. They're twin sisters and shouldn't be fighting...but maybe it's actually better when they're fighting. We just didn't know.

The night started out as it normally does. Our favourite bartender emptying bottles of vodka in our glasses and slicing limes faster than we could shot. It's been a hard week for everyone. H has found herself another job (in a sex shop no jokes, but the pay is oddly good), L has been busy juggling uni, volunteer work and paid work, J has had oral exams (and not the kind of oral exams she enjoys) and A....actually A hasn't had a very stressful week, spending most of it in bed with Justin's friend she's now sleeping with. Let's call him Gaga after the music he likes. However she's now massively behind in uni, so she's going to have a stressful weekend. Anyway it was time to get drunk and drown away sorrows.

The trouble came when they left the pub they frequent and were trying to decide where to go after. The problem is that K has been blacklisted from pretty much everywhere on Thursday nights. They go out every Thursday and usually get extremely drunk and K can't hold her alcohol the way everyone else does and always manages to piss off bouncers. So much so that they actually remember her. She's also the only one our favourite bartender hates thanks to demanding more expensive alcohols at cheaper prices. He never flirts with her and certainly never gives her anything extra in her drinks. She doesn't need it.

Anyway H and K were trying to figure out a place K hasn't been kicked out of. H isn't particularly tactful and the conversation went something like "Okay so we can't go there, there or there. Is there anywhere you havent been kicked out of? Seriously why should it be our problem that you can't go anywhere anymore?" B went absolutely psycho screaming "K is my sister! How could you even think about ditching her? You're all such a bunch of bitches!" etc etc. She was screaming for at least 15 minutes, stomping up and down the street and making a massive scene. All the people on the street were staring at her having a freak-out which didn't even make sense. H was trying to come up with a solution to the problem and B just lost the plot completely. And also, why does it matter that K is her sister? K is more than capable of fighting her own battles and weren't they in a bitchfight anyway?

The fact is there are 6 people in the friendship group. It's a democracy and if two people are having a fight (though the fights always seem to involve B and K and never L. you never see A, J, L or H fighting with each other...) the others try to stay out of it and let them deal with it themselves. It's always worked better that way. It shouldn't matter that K and B are sisters anymore than it matters that A and J have been friends for 12 years and most of the time are closer than K and B ever have been. A doesn't fight J's fights for her and has never uttered the words "J is my best friend!" as a starting point for an argument because it's irrelevant. We are all equals and that's kinda the whole point. The problem is that K and B think the world revolves around them. It is suspected (mostly by J) that because they are twins they've always been 'in it together' and their family has humoured them because there's two of them and done whatever they wanted because they always formed a majority. They never learned to compromise. L's theory is that they were taught that family is the most important thing in the world (typical Asian family) and that nothing else will ever compare, no matter what. But family doesn's have to be just blood. A and J and L and H are a family. Maybe they doing share the same parents or the same DNA but they are family in all the ways that count. They have blood relatives too who are important to them but that doens't mean they can't be their own family. It's something K and B have never really got.

Yeah, it was better when they weren't talking to each other.

On the other hand once they stalked off home they could go wherever they wanted. The night still had a sour vibe to it though, even after four hours of dancing and kissing random boys.

The morning after L called K to apologise about the fight (not B though who just acted completely over-the-top) only K didn't answer her phone. Unusual since K is usually glued to her phone. L then left her an apology on facebook but the comment was deleted about 10 seconds later. Hmmmm.

It was definitely better when they weren't talking to each other.

Monday, May 10, 2010

"But 3 hours later and 7 shots of jager, she was in the bedroom with another guy"

When J and S party together, they make a very dangerous pair. Forgetting about Justin for a night, J headed out to S's going away party because he is flying to Asia for the next month. H warned J that it might not be such a great idea since it's no secret (at least not to H) that S has wanted to sleep with J for awhile now and the only thing stopping him is their friendship and since he's about to fly out of the country he's going to go for it. J laughed it off, reminding H that S has a new girlfriend, and wore her new super-short and also low-cut (to show off the tatts of course) dress anyway.

The party started with a few dozen shots off the bar. Tequila, vodka and anything else the bar was serving.

J had several plans for the night, one of which was getting S to hook up with their boss. Let's just say everything went according to plan. Somehow J managed to get them to make out (probably be making out with some other chick herself) and was cheering them on by telling them how hot it was. She then made out with both S and her boss herself. The guy she was flirting with all night was apparently bored of this and had sex with some other guy's girlfriend in the bathroom only to be caught with said boyfriend. Cue punch-on. S then took ill and was throwing up off a balcony. The boy cannot hold his drink. And yet he still invited J back to his house, along with the girlfriend. J refused. Looks like H was right. S just wanted to get in her pants all along. J was pretty pissed off. She doesn't sleep with her friends.

Later J ended up going home with another of S's friends. They went back to J's house but unfortunately she still lives with her parents and the walls are very thin, so they had sex in the front garden. Luckily none of her neighbours was taking the dog for a stroll at that moment...

That night was also the night of T's birthday party, forcing K and B to have to show up at a social ocasion together. They weren't particularly pleased to see each other. K brought along her new boyfriend. Apparently she's now dating the guy she's staying with. Sex as rent. B yelled at K to tell her her behaviour was totally inapproriate and T didn't seem to pleased with her baby sister 'shacking up' with a guy she's been going out with all of 2 weeks. To be fair, they have known each other through university for over a year. Either way K got really drunk ands was basically yelling at B half the night telling her she was a complete loser who had to get over R not to mention she was a total bitch. She also told her everyone else was pissed at her (which is partly true) and that she looks like a slut when she wears too much make-up as she was that night. K's new boyfriend took her home early but the damage was done. B has announced she doesn't want anything to do with her sister ever again. Overly dramatic, but then both of them always are.

K's not exactly wrong about everyone being less-than happy with B though. She still won't stop whining about R all the time which is infuriating and just doesn't seem to be up for any fun anymore. She'd rather hang out with T watching movies than go out for drinks but the biggest problem is that she lies all the time. When L told A she couldn't make it to the football this weekend because she had her grandmother's birthday B told her to come to T's party because she knew L just didn't want to go to the football. Um, not true. L actually did have her grandmother's birthday. But now we understand what all of B's recent 'family' excuses actually mean. Lies. A responded by spreading rumours that B is secretly a lesbian, for no reason other than to prove she is a better liar than B. Everyone is a better liar than B.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

"Watching that bitch violate my car doesn't count as a date."

There's all sorts of things you can do to make a run-of-the-mill shopping trip more fun. Shopping for mother's day presents could be difficult and boring, but not when A and C are involved. While A bought her mum a pair of slippers and a new kettle, C went the chocolates and flowers route. Then they decided to muck around in all the expensive jewellery shops, trying to convince everyone they were a newly engaged couple looking for a diamond ring. It's amazing how much panic you can cause the shopping assistants by pretending to break down in tears when you're 'boyfriend' suggests to you a gold ring (because clearly, A prefers silver).

H and Miss Priss are seriously not getting along with Miss Priss threatening to get H evicted just because she dropped a few eggs on the floor...and didn't clean them up for several days. H has told Miss Priss to do whatever she wants, while casually swinging a rather large chef's knife. H can be downright scary.

The new cigarette tax has forced B to give up smoking as she's permanently on a budget with K not contributing to the rent. J's been spending a lot of time with Justin because's he's a very heavy smoker always keen to offer her whatever she wants (with the exception of sex) and therefore she doesn't have to fork out money every time she feels like a fag. Maybe there is something to be said about having a boyfriend then...

Monday, May 3, 2010

"God made alcohol as a social lubricant. To make men brave, and to make women loose"

Natural viagra and laser tag: is this what our lives have come to?

The past week has flown by in a blur of house-warming parties, school work and part-time jobs that sometimes seem full-time.

K has vanished from everyone's lives, at least in all practical respects. Fighting and living with B got to be too much for her and last weekend she packed up her things to move in with a friend from uni. B was more pissed off than upset but she's got her own problems like R-withdrawal. She still sees him a lot but she hates not living with him and next week he's going to New Zealand. His sister lives there, and B is worried he's never going to come back. K has been keeping herself too busy to see anyone but really she just doesn't want to see B. It's sad to see two sisters as close as they are fighting so hopefully they'll be over it soon. Pity K has to over-dramatise everything.

J still hasn't slept with Justin and she's getting more than just impatient. She's getting frustrated. Justin is a nice guy, but nice guys just don't cut if for J. She feels likes she's tried everything. She tried getting him drunk. That didn't exactly uh...work. She tried joining him for the things he wanted to do (cue laser tag) in the vain hope he'll then want to do what she wants to do. No such luck. S suggested she offer him such natural viagra, since it always works for him. Um, how old are we? Anyway S is leaving for an Asia/Europe adventure in about a week so he's throwing a huge going away party and J is sure she'll be able to get laid there. S has some very attractive friends. It turns out Justin's friends aren't too bad either. B's already fallen for one and A has gone further with another than it seems J and Justin ever will. As if J wasn't already pissed off enough...

L is feeling the effects from the volunteering position from hell she has and her trial working for a law firm, giving advie to elderly Italians. She'd skipped so many booze nights, when she finally showed up for one she got sick and started throwing up in the gutter. L never throws up. She's either going to have to quit her job or come up with a taste for lemon lime and bitters real fast.

H already hates her new flatmate Miss Priss. We could have all told her it would happen but she's just not the sort of person H should be living with. Miss Priss is parsley growing on the balcony, clean floors and a fridge full of organic food. H is waking up on the lawn, lost credit cards and a fridge full of beer. It's going to be a long six months.

And now it's off to play drunken frissbee with trays stolen from restaurants. Don't tell us we don't know how to have a good time.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

What we're doing this month...

Loving: $8 classic CDs at JB Hi-Fi
Listening to: Kasabian
Crushing on: Indiana Jones. Fictional but still awesome.
Worshipping: the people who manage to attend all their uni classes
Eating: super crunchy garlic bread with winter soups
Drinking: Chocolate or expresso martinis
Rocking: Black tops, jackets, boots and skirts with brightly coloured stockings.
Reading: the Anita Blake, vampire hunter novels.
Failing: our mid-semester exams