A day in the life of...

The young have something no one else has or ever will have. Time.

It's true. We are smart, beautiful and...alcoholic.

Monday, December 13, 2010

"What if we were each other's soul mates?"

When I started this blog it was supposed to be about the solid friendships of six young women. Okay, not about perhaps. The idea of the blog was to write about the crazy, usually drunk, experiences and dramas they all went through. But at the heart of it all, in a very Sex and the City kind of way, was friendship.

These are six people who've known each other nearly a decade. People who've gone through high school together, and who made it out alive and closer than ever. We've been through boyfriends, break-ups, family problems, death, distance (some of us have lived in other countries for a year) and everything in between. Every friendship has problems, and we've all been through plenty of fights (screaming matches and fistfights just to name a few) but despite everything we've always been there.

But it seems like ever since I started this blog, the friendships have been falling apart. Men, who used to be used for kissing in bars and getting kicked out of bed, are becoming more and more important to the point where when one of us hooks up with one, they disappear. We aren't coping with crisises or conflicts as well. We aren't talking as much. We aren't even having as much fun.

How do you say goodbye to the people who meant more to you than anything?

Or do you play optimist and try and work it out?

Sunday, December 12, 2010

"But I'm young and I'm pretty and that's all that you need"

A is still playing non-sexual and giving dirty looks to hot guys in clubs. They try to buy her drinks, she threatens to break their legs. It doesn't seem a fair trade. She's back to being 'just friends' (albeit friends that flirt constantly) with Hottie, figuring that he didn't actually owe her anything and the fact that he's actually engaged, while irritating is just a fact of his life. She doesn't even feel guilty that Hottie cheated on his fiance with her. This may be because A subscribes to the old school approach that it's not cheating if it's in a different area code...or you know, a different city/state. J suspects finding out Hottie is engaged makes A secretly want him more, because everyone wants what they can't have. But that may be because that would be how J would feel in the same situation.

Speaking of J, she finally ended up in a date with the awkward but great kisser guy who kept calling her but she was too afraid to answer her phone. Let's call him science geek, because that's what he is. J has a little science geek side to her as well, which can be shown through her early offer to study dentistry next year. She just keeps her brains on the down low. Anyway J isn't the best at 'dating' as it is since she usually does her best work from the bedroom and not the restaurant. And science geek was not exactly a chatterbox and was on the awkward side. Needless to say, the dinner didn't go so well. They didn't even get to have sex. Science geek is a ridiculously good kisser though, as J keeps pointing out. She says she's not completely adverse to more dates, as long as they involve alcohol and going back to his place after. But she still won't answer her phone.

K managed to drop her phone down the toilet, which would have annoyed anyone else since she has to pay out her contract to get a new phone. But K considered it a good spring cleaning of her contact list. K also confessed to J that she's worried about A and thinks A is depressed. J said that was insane since A is not the type to let guys get to her, especially not guys she's hooked up with just the one time. But K has been spending a lot of time with A lately. They even got their hair dyed together. K just got a lighter brown while A went bright pink which has started to fade and left her with this pink/orange/black hair-on-crack look that oddly suits her. Still, K pointed out that it's not just the Hottie situation that's getting A down but also everything that happened (or didn't happen as it were) with H. Truth be told, everyone's feeling a little down about H. It's hard not to be upset when one of your best friends walks out and disappears from your life. J isn't exactly feeling chipper about it herself.

As for B, she's sick yet again, with a lung infection this time. It's hard to find a way to point the blame towards one-night-stand which is truely a pity. She also managed to get caught up in Oprah fever with the talk-show queen's visit to Australia. The verdict? She is shorter and fatter (so more like a ball??) in real life. But just as powerful, so forgive me Oprah.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

"I went to that tanning place your wife suggested." "Was that place the sun?"

Here's a tip (advice P had to learn the hard way):

When you decide to strip down for a solarium visit for the first time in a season, consider that there are some parts of your body more sensitive (and pale) than others.

You wouldn't want to end up with a sunburnt arse.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

"I know it may look like I was being like a bitch, but that's only because I was acting like a bitch."

Summer is finally here! The past few days have been spent lazing on the beach, drinking vitamin water and eating shapes and getting tanned and swimming and checking out all the cute boys. How can you not love summer? Pity the rain has returned today. Well, we do have to turn up at work sometime right?

A has been talking non-stop about Hottie so eventually J got irritated and told her it might be prudent to just ask him out and stop all her committment-phobic nonsence. The guy is hot, funny and a great kisser so what exactly was A's problem? A finally decided to take a chance and follow J's advice. She figured she'd ask him out in a playful way that fitted their relationship/friendship but as she was planning another workmate informed her that Hottie was actually engaged and his fiance was in town at the moment. Yes, engaged. Not had a girlfriend but a freakin' finace. Apparently she is a ballet dancer and lives in Sydney, which could potentially be why no one had seen her before. A couldn't believe it. She would have felt betrayed enough to find out Hottie was engaged when they were just friends. How could he not have told her over the months of shifts they've worked together and all the other personal things they'd discussed. She though she knew him, and all this time he'd been keeping this secret. A was furious. Especially now that they'd made out and she was starting to fall for him. How could he do this to her? And you thought A was a man-hater before...She's definitely thrown sex out the window now, and seems pissed off at every straight male that crosses her path.

Luckily, she can team up with K who seems to have given up on men as well. Afyer breaking up with her the boyfriend who cruely told her he could never love her, K decided they should try and remain friends. This was very noble of K, who usually tries to cut her boyfriends off completely by deleting their number and never speaking of or to them again. She did it to end-of-the-train-line (who deserved it), she did it to E (who didn't really deserve it). So for K to try and have a friendship with an ex, it was pretty mature of her. However he continued the same jerkiness he displayed when they broke up by being a pretty shitty friend. He constantly stood her up and on one occasion told her that even though they were no longer together he expected her to have sex with him occasionally. When K refused he told her he never wanted to see her again, Asshole. So, like A, K is going through an all-men-are-wankers phase. They've both decided to become non-sexuals and go out drinking with the intention of screaming obscenities at randoms and abusing bad bands rather than hooking up. It's odd to see the pair bonding. They've never had a great friendship, possibly because neither will back down from an argument and they can both be psycho and bitchy. But the main thing is they're having a good time.

J's relationship with Bossman is upping the ante once again. After the Christmas party the sexual tension is right back in play. Bossman's 'friend-with-benefits' is out of the country, and he'll sleep with anything that moves. On a night out last week J jokingly burnt him with a cigarette which turned the ever-kinky Bossman on and he suggested she do it again. He now has two blistering burns on his arm and one...somewhere else. It's dangerous territory and those two should not be messing around. The big bosses already think they're involved, and it was only some quick talking from Ronald McDonald that appears to have saved him. Despite his not-so-great looks Ronald McDonald has turned out to be a pretty cool guy. He was a bit shy at first but now him and J are getting along well, although she'd conscious not to talk to him about Bossman. That could get awkward.

Speaking of awkward, B has been acting rather oddly lately. K suspects she is secretly meeting up with one-night-stand but hasn't told anyone because they are afraid they'll judge her. Considering J's attitude towards sex, how can B really believe that? The only thing they'll judge is the stupidity of B's belief that her one night stand may result in a relationship. Well, at least she's over R.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

What we're doing this month...

Loving: summer fucking holidays!
Listening to: The Misfits
Crushing on: Andrew Garfield, who plays Eduardo in The Social Network. So over geeky Jesse Eisenberg types
Worshipping: JK Rowling for brings us the brilliance of Harry Potter
Eating: Summer fruits. Ah, mangoes...
Drinking: vanilla vodka
Rocking: sunscreen, a must at any Australian beach
Reading: Lonely Planet anywhere
Failing: to show up at work every now and then

Sunday, November 28, 2010

"Raise your glass if you are wrong, in all the right ways"

Christmas is approaching at an almost frightening rate, as it does every year. Of course, that may be because Christmas seems to arrive earlier and earlier every year. When did the Myer windows appear at the beginnning of November?

Anyway, with Christmas comes the office Christmas party. J, Bossman and Ronald McDonald headed off to theirs, which was packed with people from the company they work for, and with the free drinks flowing. J is never one to turn down free drinks. Hand her an oh-so-sophisticated red wine (or 6) and she's happy. Unfortunately it was a dress-up party, and J hates to dress up. The rest of us quite enjoy a dress-up party, but J's the one who will mysteriously 'forget' a costume, or add a hat or hairpiece to her outfit she'll remove seconds after arrival. But, for the Christmas party, she went along with the jungle theme. The plan was to have each store (J works for a big retail store with lots of locations) model their outfits and the best dressed one won. When their store name was called out however, Ronald McDonald was at the bar and Bossman was nowhere to be seen. So it was just J, all alone, with everyone staring at her, who had to parade around as the only representative for her store. How embarrassing, especially for someone who ahtes to dress up as it is. Luckily the night got a bit better as it wore on. Bossman hooked up with a guy and then suggested they, another random chick he had his eye on and J head off to the beach for after drinks and a late night swim. Ronald McDonald headed home but J was up for it, naturally. At the beach everyone stripped off and went swimming and J was foolling around with the guy Bossman had earlier hooked up with. That is, until she stepped on a broken bottle and split her foot open. There was blood everywhere and to her disappointment, J has to go home. It was probably for the best though. When she woke up she realised there was a distinct possibility she would have ended up in a threesome with Bossman and the other guy, or the other girl, or both. Two days later Ronald McDonald told her there'd been a call from head office asking if J and Bossman were an 'item'...

A and L decided to get civil and get over their argument. For once A played peacemaker and apologised and told L their friendship was worth to much for stupid fights. She must be getting soft in her old age. L admitted she was really hurting from what she called H's betrayal and her split with secret admirer. She said she really liked secret admirer but she didn't feel ready for a relationship. That's something A, of all people, can understand. She confessed to L that she really liked Hottie, but there was no way she was ready for a relationship. Secret admirer was sweet, kind and perfect for L. They both had close families, had ambitions in life and like the same TV shows. The timing just wasn't right. A feels the same way about Hottie. They have a lot in common, like their interest in music and football and hooking up at after-exams parties but she doesn't want a relationship. A doesn't know hot to 'date' and she doesn't understand commitment. At least L and A are bonding rather than fighting.

L decided she wanted to talk to H, so she sucked up her pride (and her fear) and decided to track her down at the sex shop. She was told H no longer worked there. This came as a shock to L, who realised she now had absolutely no way of contacting H. H has vanished from her life. From all out lives. And we still don't really know why.

K is still working 9-5 which she confesses she hates, but went out for dinner with J, M and A, and surprsingly they all had a good time. Maybe working full-time is calming K down a bit, she doesn't have the energy to be all crazy anymore.

J, A and L were supposed to go out pubbing/clubbing with B, but when they arrived at the pub B was already there with T and one of her friends. They shared a few drinks but when it was time to move on, B told them was going to stay with T and her friend because she hadn't seen T's friend in ages and she was 'like a sister' to her. They're used to B ditching them for her actual sisters, but her sister's friends who's 'like a sister'? That's a new low. However A doesn't seem to be into confrontation the way she normally is, so the three of them headed off themselves and had an enjoyable night smoking, drinking and dancing. No boys for a change. It was all fun until J's foot bandage fell off and started bleeding again and they had to go home. A and L stopped off at a Maccas on the way home and L accidently ordered sweet chilli sauce for her mcnuggets instead of sweet and sour. She became angry and started pelting the mcnuggets at cars driving past. A was just sitting and enjoying her free water. When did she become the calm, cool and collected one?

Monday, November 22, 2010

"Orange Mocha Frappucino!"

Dry shampoo just may be the best invention ever.

Summer is finally here which should mean long, lazy days at the beach and nights at the pub with towering beers and parmas the size opf our heads. Should? Oh yes it does.

K is on placement at the moment which means working 9-5 every day plus her extra shifts waitressing which means she's just too tired to do anything else anyway. B has a bit of extra time on her hands, when she isn't trying to convince herself that one-night-stand wants more than the odd booty call. Gentlemen don't ring at 3am and invite you over for any of the following: movies, night caps, talking, 'fun', etc etc. Of course gentlemen don't do other things...

There's a new guy at J's work and she was getting excited about the new eye candy because Bossman's recently shaved off all his hair and is growing some minature beard thing and has been looking rather odd lately. That is until she met Ronald McDonald. Tall, lanky and with bright red hair. J is not a fan of red hair at all. Not to mention he's one of those wanky 'company policy' types which is never fun. J is determined to hook him up with Bossman at the office Christmas party because as far as she's concerned, making out with Bossman is an important rite of passage. She also caught up with P and S on a night out, just the three of them. P has recently broken up with his boyfriend and bought a whole bunch of $50 mesh underwear, so he was ready to go. S was being a tool as he often is lately but P was being bitchy towards him the whole night so at least J had something to laugh about. S is still doing that thing where he acts like his life is perfect and then has a couple of drinks and starts getting all emo. How exhausting. J doesn't want deep and meaningfuls, especially not after a few drinks. Either you like your life, or you don't. S's pretending is starting to piss us all off.

A and L are in a fight over A's comment that it was L's fault H basically ditched us. Well, it isn't a fight so much as a cold war. They aren't really speaking, but they aren't really fighting. A is usually far more into confrontation than the silent treatment but she just doesn't have the energy to deal with the drama. L seems to be spoiling for a fight which is odd for her, but maybe the tension of losing her boyfriend and her best friend has the cracks starting to appear. Maybe A is too busy stressing over Hottie. She confessed to J and B that she is actually really into him. Maybe it's his good looks. Maybe it's that his hayfever symptoms are ridiculously cute. Maybe it's because he's amazing on a surfboard. Maybe it's everything. Either way it's a total shock because who's ever heard of committment phobic A being into a guy, and admitting it? If she starts going out with him it'll mean everyone's had a boyfriend this year...weirdest thing ever. The problem is A doesn't know have to deal with actually liking a guy, so she's treating Hottie as one of her usualy hook-ups. They've only hooked up the one time, and gone back to their flirty friendship at work.

L has received calls from secret admirer wanting to stay friends. She isn't sure she can handle that because she still isn't really sure what went on in their relationship, except that neither of them particularly want to be with each other and yet at the same time they do. She really wants time to be able to analyse the situation from the outside.

But the problem is, on your own life, it's never really possible to look inside from the outter is it?

Thursday, November 18, 2010

"The drinks are cheap and vinyl's cool"

There aren't too many people who go out and get hammered and night before a four hour law exam. But A isn't most people. Hardcore. When C offered them an all-you-can-drink night of beer, wine, daiquiris and punch for free, A and J were there bar all consequences. You can never have too many free drinks. Our motto in life.

The party was full of uni kids, because does anyone know a uni kid who will turn down free drinks? And pretty much everyone has finished their exams by this point.

J managed to find one of the most attractive guys at the party...at least until she discovered he was underage and tagging along with his big brother. J slowly backed away, that is until she realised she could get an introduction with the older brother. Poor kid must have been devestated to see J and his brother hooking up an hour later. Really, where are the family values? In the end though J became convinced the little brother was watching them in a creepy way and made her excuses. She spent the rest of the night dancing up a storm with C and his friends, downing drinks like...well, like they were free.

A was having fun arguing with one of C's friends about football (she does realise the season is over right?) when who should she spot but Hottie, the awesome guy from her work. Now A is supposed to be a non-sexual, she claimed a few months ago that she wasn't having or talking about sex or anything close to it because she was 'over' it. Which doesn't even make sense but sometimes A can be needlessly stubborn. Not tonight though. Maybe it was the free drinks, maybe it was just because Hottie is so damn good-looking (and an otherwise cool guy; he funny and friendly and nice too) but after leaving big brother J spotted A and Hottie making out in the corner and getting very handsy. A swears nothing else happened, but J isn't completely convinced. Either way it's obvious A has thrown away her non-sexual beliefs. Well, apparently he was a very good kisser. He'd have to be. Opinions keep A warm at night. We're pretty sure Hottie won her over when she bought Ramones and Guns N Roses CDs into work the other day and Hottie said, "It's not every day you find a girl who listens to The Ramones and and knows every lyric on Appetite for Destruction. Fucking awesome" before asking her what instrument she plays. A (like H) loves compliements on her music taste. Even still, A could have put up more of fight. Her first test as a non-sexual and she failed miserably. Let's hope she doesn't fail the exam.

B and K really should have ditched work and had some fun.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

"I left my head and my heart on the dancefloor"

Have I ever mentioned J has a phobia of answering her phone? Actually, it's not just J. It's a problem B and A have as well. Except A's is exclusively about guys she's slept with (committment problem much?), B's is usually family related (K calls a lot) and J just doesn't answer her phone no matter who calls. It doesn't matter whether it's that guy she went down on last weekend, her best friend, work...she hates answering her phone. She desn't even have a ringtone because she knows it doesn't matter if she hears it ringing. She won't pick up. That's not weird at all...right?

Anyway that's sort of a tangent to the main point. Back a couple of weeks ago when she had the urinary tract/kidney infection J met this really hot guy. Kinda awkward and not the best conversationalist but seriously hot and a ridiculously good kisser. Of course, J was dying to get into his pants but with her infections (yes she was out drinking on antibiotics, it's J remember?) she thought it was probably best if she didn't go home with him that night. Best not to compromise one's health. Instead she gave him her number and told him she was up for a good time...some other time.

The only problem? The guys calls her. Frequently. J can't answer her phone, and she can't call back. She'll send him text messages but she won't talk on the phone. And naturally she doesn't want to tell him she freaks out at the thought of answering her phone. It's weird, let's face it. She keeps hoping he'll get the hint and just text her back but he doesn't and just keeps calling her and leaving voice mails asking why she won't pick up her phone. J tells him she's at work. Via text of course.

J really wants to meet up with this guy, but she can't answer her phone. Is the phone phobia about to disrupt the thing J values most in life? That would be good sex for anyone playing at hime.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

"She was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene"

B seems to have a new special guy in her life. Although up until a month ago the only person she'd ever slept with was R, she decided it was time to let loose a little. Be young, have fun. Maybe it was seeing even her relationship-obsessed twin sister (yes, that would be K) enjoying the single life that turned B to no-strings-attached J-style sex.

Anyway, B has had three one-night-stands although she only had actual sex with two of them. It seems she partly wants to make R jealous, but being on the other side of the world is probably not going to spell success for her plan. It's good to see her finally doing something not directly related to R. She's spent so long obsessing over him and all we really want is for her to find someone new. Except, not a one-night-stand find someone new.

Unfortunately, no one seems to have told B that one-night-stands typically don't lead to happy relationships. Fuck buddy status yes. But boyfriend/girlfriend? Typically no.

And yet B is texting away and making calls and wondering why the only 'dates' one-night-stand suggests are late night 'movies' aka booty calls. The poor clueless girl. J has tried to explain that guys (and her) do not equate sex with a relationship. But B really likes him. Or so she says. Before saying he wasn't great-looking (we checked facebook. she was right) or very nice and that the sex was sort of uncomfortable. She doesn't really know his personality so what is there to like? Apparently he's a good kisser. Maybe he was having an off day in the sack?

The problem is, B's family don't provide her with good examples of how relationships should be. K and her dramatic stalkerships aren't recommended for everyone and T? She's actually dating a guy who just got sentenced to time in a Greek prison for murder. Not even kidding. T has tried to explain it all away as a 'misunderstanding' but seriously, juries don't often get it wrong. Not that I know anything about the Greek legal system but assuming it's anything like ours...Murder is scary. Murderers are scary.

And this is what B looks up to?

It makes R and one-night-stand seem like perfection.

Friday, November 12, 2010

"Bring your ship about to watch a friend drown"

New Year's Eve has held a curse for most of us for as long as we can remember. There's so much pressure to have a good night and it always ends up being expensive and no where near as good as any other nigh out...anyway with H bailing on the Falls Festival it seems the curse has hit again. Maybe we'll just spend NYE in bed and pretend it doesn't exist. We wish L would come instead, but she seems a bit depressed lately. Actually that shouldn't really be a surprise since she's recently broken up with her boyfriend and all but lost her best friend. In addition, she seems to be blaming H's abrupt departure on herself. This could be due to A's extremely harsh and uneccessary comment, "You know, you weren't spending a lot of time with us when you were with secret admirer. H was pretty pissed off. Maybe that's why we'll never see her again." Way too far. And while it's true L wasn't spending as much time with her friends when she had a boyfriend, she never ditched us. Certainly not the way H has. But L seems to feel guilty for pushing her best friend away and not being there for her and now H has vanished. So now all L wants to do is stay at home. Well, she is studying for exams.

It's hard to believe H would throw away friendships as old and close as ours without so much as a goodbye. But it's harder to believe that she'll come crawling back...and we'll take her back. L would, L has a good soul and a forgiving nature. A and J are far more cynical and jaded and cold. K's never like H all that much and even B can't understand throwing your friends away for a guy. Sure she ditched us a few times for R but she was still there she didn't just disappear.

When you think about it, it's actually very very strange.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

"Curse my enemies forever, let's slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful"

So we finally found H. Actually, that isn't quite true. No one has actually seen her. Today J got a text saying 'sorry its been awhile. btw probably not going to make it to falls/soundwave/bdo. you can just sell my tickets'. Did we mention H owes J and A several hundred dollars for concert tickets over the summer? Guess we won't be seeing that money. In addition, H was supposed to be driving A, J, B and K to the Falls Festival for New Years. L didn't get a ticket because she was planning to spend NYE with secret admirer. And she now can't afford a ticket. Now we won't be able to go because the rest of us can't drive. Except L, but she doesn't have a ticket. Theorectically we could just give L H's ticket, except L doesn't have her own car and has been in a kinda funk since the break-up. Although, exams.

Either way it doesn't seem like we'll be seeing much of H anymore.

What has happened to her? She's giving up everything she loves. Apparently she's quit her band. She never goes drinking anymore. She was obsessed with going to Soundwave because she LOVES Primus and Queens of the Stone Age. She's not doing any of the things that have defined who H is over the past 5 years. Miss Priss even told us H had dyed her usually multi-coloured hair back to brown because it felt more 'natural'. Since when is H about 'natural' things? She's always been the crazy out-there one who did things because they weren't natural.

Who is accidental date and what has he done with H?

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

"It's so emotional I was thinking about wearing waterproof mascara.”

Where in the world is H? She has literally vanished into thin air.

Yesterday L got a call from Miss Priss saying H was packing up all her things and saying she was moving out. It was really quite nice of her to call, we were under the impression Miss Priss didn't like us that much. L, J and A rushed over as soon as they could, but by the time they got there H was gone. Miss Priss explained that H had packed up everything, told her she was moving out and paid the next two months rent before disappearing into the wind. She isn't answering her phone, her emails, her text messaged, her facebook messages and any other technology she's plugged into. And now it would seem she's moved into accidental date's place, although that's an assumption and no one knows for sure. What is going on? L is considering staking out the sex shop just to catch H, except that's she's kind of freaked out by the place.

And yet, when did H become K? She was never the girl who'd ditch her friends for her boyfriend. H usually gets bored of guys really quickly. Committment is not her middle name.

Truth be told, we're actually kind of worried about her. Whe is she reacting to this guy this way? What is accidental date doing to her? Is he threatening her or trying to isolate her and drag her away from her friends? And if so, why is H putting up with that? It's completely out of character for her. And while H loves a bit of time for herself, she's never been uncontactable for this long before. We're all a bit concerned, the way you always are when a friend starts behaving in a way that's completely unexpected.

Maybe the sex shop stake-out isn't a terrible idea...

Sunday, November 7, 2010

"You better lawyer up asshole, because I'm not coming back for 30 percent, I'm coming back for everything"

Well, it's been a hectic and stressful couple of weeks. And it's not over, not by a long shot. This is the heart of exams but of course, we're trying not to worry too much about it. Trying to do more watching Modern Family and drinking mother + green apple flavoured vodka than actual study and work because hey, we're failure right?

L is in hibernation for exams, which she often is. It's how she maintains those incredible grades of hers. Also, she's recently quit all her jobs and doesn't have any hobby/extracurricular committments, so she really has to get good marks to justify that right? She's also recently broken up with secret admirer. Everyone was naturally upset for her, because even though she wasn't hanging out with the others as much due to lack of time, secret admirer was a nice guy. And with so many assholes wandering around looking to get laid, that's a rare thing. And now that they've split up, L doesn't appear to be up for any more partying than she was previously. In fact she's said something along the lines of 'I'm over drinking' which might just be an exam thing, but who breaks up with their amazing boyfriend and doesn't even have a raging night out to get over it? Okay, maybe people under the age of 15 and over the age of 30 but that is not L or us. Maybe she's just really upset because of the break-up. Fair enough.

J has given up on full-time work. It messes with her heavy partying lifestyle. After one of those crazy nights out with A, which ended with both of them swinging from the top of toilet walls (it doesn't make sense until you've seen it) J woke up in bed with three different guys who she'd never met before. She was pretty damn proud of this. It isn't every day you land three guys in a night. Unfortunatly she ended up with a urinary tract infection, which in turn led to a kidney infection and her spending a few nights in hospital. See, everyone is getting loaded into ambulances and getting sent to the hospital lately. After that little fiasco, J decided it was time to clean up her act. Maybe join a church, stop drinking, stop having sex and ...wait...no! Of course not. It's J. She's our Samantha. Kidney infection or not, J is still hitting the clubbing scene. Which is how she was the first to find out (everyone else was examing on this particular week) that V is now running and promoting our favourite night at our favourite club. That's bye-bye great music, cheap drinks and ripping posters off the walls without being kicked out. V, popular dude as he is, has arranged it so the place is now full of all of his friends, and none of ours. No longer can we scream and dance crazily without everyone staring at us like we're freaks. No longer is the beer garden full of our favourite indie boys who roll their own cigarettes. Instead they've all been replaced with V-types, the ones who wear fluro shirts and listen to trance. A tried to stop him, of course. Upon hearing from J that he was now in charge she turned psycho, showing up in a cab all K-like, screaming and ranting and raving that V was a shit DJ, a shit person and bad in bed to boot. Which isn't even true, if you listen to her on a normal and sober day. Which, to be fair, is rare in A's case. J tried to stop A. Looks like we won't be going back there in a hurry...

Speaking of A, she's still playing her no-sex game while flirting constantly with Hottie from work. The sexual innuendo is getting completely over-the-top, especially with the new gay guy with the dirtiest mind on the planet. The three of them talk nothing but sex and A may not be having actual sex but she's eye-fucking the shit out of Hottie at least once a day. That is when she's not joking with the new gay guy. Last week they did a 'gender swap'- she wore all guys clothes (cut-off cargo shorts, t-shirt, tarten shirt and men's thongs) he wore all girls clothes (hot pink singlet, black short-shorts). She's also getting involved in uni extracurriculars, this coming from the only person in year 9 who didn't appear in the school play. She won a uni negotiation competition and is now going to the national finals, and her and her partner terrorised the competition in the latest mooting competition. Public speaking and arguing is A's forte after all.

B is playing slut, and then getting T to spread all sorts of rumours back to R, who's back living thousands of miles away. It seems absence makes the heart go fonder and B is back trying to make him jealous like she was all those months ago when they first broke up. Except, she's actually having sex which would make these guys the only ones she's slept with besides R. Well, someone has to do the guys now that A's being all virgin prude. Anyone with any form of accent, and B's in bed. It's all well and good that she's having fun but she just won't shut up about it. We all like a bit of sex talk but it's really only interesting the first time around. B's stories are interesting and entertaining the first time, but her problem is that she's a broken record always on repeat. Can we talk about something else now?

H has disappeared completely from the face of this earth. Texts and facebook messages have gone without reply, phones aren't answered and Miss Priss has helpfully informed us that H is rarely home, and no she doesn't know where the new boyfriend -aka accidental date- lives. When did she ever become the girl who ditches her friends for a guy? Oh well. She'll get bored eventually. She always does.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

What we're doing this month...

Loving: The Spring Carnival. Because we need more excuses to drink and lose money
Listening to: Violent Soho. Aussie Rock.
Crushing on: any guy who isn't growing a moustache for Movember
Worshipping: the guys actually raising money for Movember
Eating: lollipops we didn't give the kiddies on Halloween
Drinking: Fruit Tingles. Don't know what's in them, but yum!
Rocking: 50s style dresses in bright colours
Wentworth Shire Council v Berryman & Anor:CALLINAN J: Mr Jackson, it seems to me that clearly the people at the party, including Ms Joslyn and Mr Berryman, went out with the intention of getting drunk.
MR JACKSON: It would be a big night, your Honour, big night.
CALLINAN J: With the intention of getting drunk and they fulfilled that intention.
MR JACKSON: Well, your Honour, young people sometimes - - -
KIRBY J: I just think “drunk” is a label and I am a little worried about - it is not necessary to put that label. It is just that they were sufficiently affected by alcohol to affect their capacity to drive.
KIRBY J: “A drunk” has all sorts of baggage with it.
HAYNE J: Perhaps “hammered” is the more modern expression, Mr Jackson, or “well and truly hammered”.
MR JACKSON: I am indebted to your Honour.
KIRBY J: I do not know any of these expressions.
McHUGH J: No, no. Justice Hayne must live a very different life to the sort of life we lead.
KIRBY J: I have never heard that word “hammered” before, never. Not before this very minute.
Failing: Oh god, everything

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

"Where they go hardcore, and there's glitter on the floor"

Exams. Booze. Moots. Coffee. No Sleep. Work. Stress.

Taking a break.

Monday, October 11, 2010

"What a waste of time, the thought crossed my mind, but I never missed a beat"

K has broken up with her latest 'boyfriend'. You know, the ugly ranga one who was bad in bed and just generally not the greatest guy?

How it happened:

K told him she loved him. He told her he could never love her. She told him the relationship wasn't going anywhere and she thought they'd be better off as friends. He started crying.

What the fuck?

As G says, K may be bizzare but she always has stories.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

"One day in September..." "Football's such a part of this whole town"

One has to love living in Melbourne. You get up in the morning and drag yourself out of bed to get to class (yes it is a struggle, especially for J who had to get up at 6:30 for work!) and there is sunshine everywhere and hot boys in shorts and thongs (though not for L or H since they're paired up, and not for A since she's being an idiot about the opposite sex) and yet by lunchtime the rain is bucketing down and somehow everyone is wearing jumpers and cardis and carrying an umbrella. No thongs in site. How does that even happen? Surely not everyone went home and changed, they couldn't have the time! But that is a mystery for another day. That, is Melbourne.

Another thing that is very Melbourne is footy and Grand Finals and Grand Final celebrations. This year, as anyone Australian would know, Collingwood won. Collingwood is that team: you know, the biggest, the most famous, the most hated. They have the most supporters and everyone who doesn't support them hates them. Of course because of this Collingwood supporters are like a family. A big, crazy, toothless, alcoholic family. But anywhere in the world if you see someone in a Collingwood Magpie jumper and inform them that you too are a pie supporter you'll be welcomed. You'll be home. You'll be family.

A, J, B and C all belong to the Collingwood family. K is like an honoury Collingwood supporter, being B's twin. They screamed their hearts out at both Grand Finals and celebrated in style with a whole bunch of other Collingwood supporter. Who remembers what went down exactly? It doesn't matter, the point is that Collingwood won its first flag in 20 years. There was beer. Lots and lots of beer. There was hugging random strangers and screaming "Go Pies!" at every car that drove past. There was improv dancing and singing the Collingwood theme song hundreds of times. At one point we were in a nightclub. Where it was and what it was called no one knows, but it was full of black and white. There were shots with strangers. It was ridiculous. It was insane. Roaming the streets of Melbourne, all full of black and white, all excited happy and insane.

A and J woke up the next morning to work. Afterwoods A got calls from her father inviting them to the pub and they headed off for beers with the group of Collingwood supporters he'd gathered round the corner from where A and J work. Soon C showed up (no one knew how he'd heard, or how he was alive after the night before) with a few of his mates and all of a sudden the entire pub (including A's underage brother) were dancing in a circle singing the theme song and swigging beer. This continued deep into Sunday night, with parmas and pizza somewhere in between the 'black-n-white' shots not that anyone knew what they contained. New friends were made, great proclamations were made ("We're going to win the next 3 premierships" "3??? 5!") and no one got to bed until the sun was up. What a weekend to start daylight savings.

Somehow A and J made it to work on Monday and C made it to uni. A's dad took a personal day. Her brother wagged school.

Thank god the Grand Final is only once a year. Well, except for this year of course.

Friday, October 1, 2010

What we're doing this month...

Loving: Come Dine With Me Australia. Hilarious. Way better than Masterchef.
Listening to: Tool, we're getting our metalheads on and they're headlining Big Day Out...again.
Crushing on: Michael Cera for geeky cute
Worshipping: anyone who had money on the draw last Saturday
Eating: souvlakis
Drinking: strawberry cocktail punch (berries, lemonade, vodka, champagne)
Rocking: floral spring skirts...still with stockings
Reading: The Plague by Albert Camus
Failing: Sober October

Thursday, September 30, 2010

"I remember shots, without a chaser, absentminded thoughts, now you're a stranger"

Lose a friend, gain a friend.

After months of not seeing B and K, it seems they're back hanging with the others. On the other hand, H and L are nowhere to be seen. H seems really in to her new boyfriend which is so unlike H it's quite shocking. As for L, well she sent a group text message saying she won't be drinking until further notice although she will be up for things like shopping and lunching. Here's the thing, if you're going to bail on all future events (and all of the future planned events currently involve drinking) you should suggest an alternative. A concrete alternative. Such as: don't really feel like drinking but want to go shopping/lunching/coffee/whatever on the weekend? You don't just say 'I still wanna hang out' but offer no viable solution. That's only going to piss off all the people you just bailed on. We understand L has secret admirer now but what, she doesn't have any time for the people who've been her best friends for the past 10 years? Bit harsh don't you think L?

Last night A, J, B, K, N and a few of K's uni friends all went out together. It was great to see N, who hasn't been around in forever. Apparently she's been really busy lately but is going to try and start hanging out with us more. Fair enough. N's been working 3 jobs and has just applied for another one to dress up as Santa's elf during the Christmas season. C'mon, that wouldn't be fun? Anyway copious amounts of alcohol were had by all, thanks to the entire bottle of raki B managed to sneak in. This led to stripper-style dancing on tables. Hang your head in shame girls. All of K's friends seemed a tad embarrassed to be seen with us, probably because we'd turned into those loud Ladette to Lady types. Oh well, it was a fun night. J can't remember how many guys she made out with although she claims it was only 2. B thinks it has to be at least 5, including one guy who was groping her up against the wall. A turned down any friendly guy with a disgusted scowl and a glare. Pissed off about the whole 'non-sexual' thing she smoked some pot and spent the rest of the evening staring at a plastic plant. A hardly ever does drugs seeings as their illegal and she's a good ol' law-abiding citizen...although she never acts it. Has she replasec sex with drugs? And wouldn't she be better off with sex? She really should quit this idiotic anti-sex thing. B spent much of the evening chatting to some American guy who's accent she couldn't quite figure out but he walked off when she started telling the whole R story. It's been a year, and he's gone back home. B really needs to move on. She's trying, really, but it's hard for her.

J, A and S met up for coffee to try and save their friendship. Bossman was supposed to go along as a buffer, but he had to work. In the beginning it was awkard. No one really knew what to say. A kept asking endless questions about his trip because she hasn't seem him since them. S announced his new job (apparently he sells expensive suits) and J started a fight about how S has become so pretentious. This started a huge argument with S saying at least he's happy with his life and doesn't have to self-medicate with alcohol and sex with strangers. Which led to J yelling that at least she didn't pretend to have the perfect life and then turn around and cheat on his girlfriend. A tried to mediate but she's pretty much the worst mediator ever and started accusing S of being pissed off because neither she nor J will sleep with him. However all the yelling might have been a good thing because they all admitted that, despite their differences they've all had a lot of fun and a lot of memories together. The friendship is kind of in limbo at the moment, but at least there's hope.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

"Light touch my hand, in a dream of Golden Skans, from now on, you can forget all future plans"

Ice-cold beer and French cigarettes.

Sweet potato soup and faux fur coats.

It's supposed to be Spring but it sure as hell doesn't feel like it. Instead of going to the beach or playing cricket in the park we're still rugged up and watching The Vampire Diaries marathons. So much better than Twilight, obviously. We've also been watching a lot of Dawson's Creek because it's jsut so classic even though Dawson just may be the most irritating TV character since...well anyone Asher Keddie has ever played.

H and L are still hanging out with their respective boyfriends which has led the rest of us to wonder what on earth has happened to our single fancy-free lives. B farewelled R, who's gone back to Scotland and with a bit of luck she can slam the door on their entire relationship and forget it ever happened. Maybe she'll get some of her self-esteem back in the process. K is still with her boyfriend, but it's not exactly running along smoothly. He's not taking B's ranga jokes particularly well. Hmmm, maybe we should stop watching Summer Heights High. J has made up with Bossman and organised a coffee date with S. She figures it's long enough since he got back from his trip that he may not be acting so pretentious. A attended G's birthday, got completely smashed and ended up dancing half-naked on the top of a table. And not just dancing but The Robot. This is what happens when you don't have sex. Not to mention she has been flirting way too much with Hottie at work. Taking a few leaves out of J's book?

Monday, September 27, 2010

"Cigarette Stained Lies"

Collingwood supporters are born, not made.

The Grand Final may be 'one day in September' but with the recent draw the the replay (AFL rules state that the entire game must be replayed one week later) means it has become...one day in October. It also means we have to repeat the booze-up BBQ and wild night we had last week yet again. It also means A isn't sure what's happening with all the bets she placed on the game, including the bet she made with Hottie from work. The bet was on money, not sex. Non-sexual, remember?

Both B and K amazingly showed up at J's BBQ. K wasn't even invited but she tagged along with B's invite. Well, at least she brought a salad. Apparently the ranga boyfriend's been giving her the shits because the sex has been continuously awful so she didn't want to go to his BBQ and well, Asian parents don't throw the best Grand Final beef-n-pie barbies do they? Still K spent a decent part of the game trying to corner J and ask her if she actually enjoyed sex because K has never enjoyed sex in her life. Well, um...yeah. Obviously J enjoys her sex life. And it obviously wasn't the right time to bring it up. It was the GRAND FINAL. It was an intense game. A pretty much did not stop screaming the entire game. At one point C smahed his glass into the wall and left a huge dent. So J pretty much ignored her, which led to K getting annoyed. No wonder she managed to get so drunk that night, thrown out by bouncers and sent home early. Again. Nothing ever changes with K does it? She's exactly the same now as she's always been.

L and H both missed the big Grand Final BBQ. L decided to go to secret admirer's house for his BBQ with his friends instead of ours. Insulting to say the least. But then L has been spending a lot of time with him lately and not that much with us. It's been pissing H off the most, but A and J aren't too pleased either. This week L has no uni but she hasn't made a single plan with her friends. Instead she's planned to spend all week with her boyfriend. Of course she has to spend time with him, but is it too much to ask to make some time with your mates? Bros before hoes and all that? As for H, she isn't really interested in footy. At least, not when her team didn't make it to the finals. Besides, H was hanging out with her new boyfriend. Yeah, H and the word boyfriend in the same sentence. She's sort of become trapped with the guy she ended up on the accidental date with. He kept leaving her voicemail messages and texts and well, they had to work together so she figured she might as well give it a go. And as it turned out, she kinda liked him. In fact, she's spent every day of the past week with him. But no one can figure out if that's because she wants to or because she feels like she has to. H is not the sort of person who spends all her time with one other person even when she likes them. She gets bored way too easily.

J is currently fighting with Bossman over his 'interest' in AFL. There's nothing we hate more than people who pretend to be interested in things they know nothing about. And Grand Final week is when all the phonies start coming in the window. Bossman, who's from Perth, has absolutely no knowledge about football and has never supported a team. But the past month he's been chatting to customers like he's an instant expert and acts surprised whenever J talks about football. For a start J has been interested in football her entire life, and watches almost every game. She's mentioned it about a thousand times and asked for Grand Final Day off about a month ago. Anyway she cracked the shits and told Bossman he'd better stop pretending to like football when it was obvious he was just trying to 'fit in' etc etc. Then he got pissed off because she was pissed off...lucky they haven't got their matching tattoos/carvings yet.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

"Cause we like having fun at other people's expense and"

There's always someone trashing the pub/club bathrooms. That's usually us. Let's face it, when you're drunk and all the walls are covered in lame posters they are just asking to be torn down. But lately our behaviour is getting even worse.

A and J have always been a little obsessed with fire. Recently though it's been getting out of control. Every time they're in the toilets they joyfully light an entire roll of toilet paper with a lighter just to watch it burn. And boy does it burn. So far they've always managed to put the fire out without the whole room going up in flames but is it just a matter of time? Last week when they got home they realised their stockings were full of holes...burnt when they were stamping out their latest fire. A few times they've also thrown their freshly made balls of fire under (or over) other cubicle walls...just to hear the screams.

Speaking of bathroom trouble, H and L disappeared last week for about 10 minutes in the bathroom. No one could find them and went on a bit of a search. Peering into the bathroom revealed that two of the walls had fallen down, creating a domino affect where every toilet wall in the bathroom has collapsed. H and L were laughing manically in the corner although, of course, denied it was there doing. If you hunted through H's handbag the next morning though you would have found a few loose screws...

B's always had fun stealing things. Usually though it's small things. A few CDs, a hat here and there, witch's hats (as in traffic cones), the odd soap dispenser...well C's been giving her a run for her money with his antics. A recent visit to his house revealed just how much stuff C has knocked off. Two huge boxes stuffed with toilet paper, several cocktail shakers, bar stools, leather jackets, a mirror, a tap, a table and a range of other stuff. Soon C will be able to set up hiw own bar.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

"Every duck has his day"

Of course as soon as A decides to give up sex, the hottest guy on earth decides to show up at her workplace. Then again A should know better than to pursue anything at work, remember what happened last time she decided to hook up with a co-worker? To be fair, he disappeared into thin air so A didn't have to deal with any of the awkwardness but she did lose a friend and the funnest person she's ever worked with. But this new guy is so hot it's making A forget all the reasons why not. And not only is he hot he's completely flirtatious, a total smart arse (total A turn-on, see V), smart, talented and absolutely hilarious. Making work days fun again. But A has made the choice to go non-sexual (which fwi includes kissing) and so it's just friends for now.

Speaking of work and relationships, J and Bossman have decided to get matching tattoos. Well, perhaps tattoos is the wrong word. They've decided to get matching designs carved into their bodies with a scalpal. Basically it involves having large chunks of skin carved out of your body and the resulting scar being a 'cool design'. Apparently body carvings are the new tattoos. That is if you listen to the sorts of people who are into serious pain. Meaning J and Bossman obviously.

Then there's H and the accidental date. H has managed to avoide the dude she thought had a crush on her at work and all was going well until what was supposed to be a group trup to the movies. H was told everyone from work was going and thus she'd better bloody be there. Even though she was supposed to be going to a blink 182 themed night with A and J (these are the nights we all live for) off she went to the movies because, well, the guys she works with are pretty funny. Working in a sex shop brings out everyone's weirdo. Anyway when she got to the movies the guy who'd invited her was there...but no one else. Apparently 'no one else could make it'. So H suffered through an awkward movie date...and then dinner before making her excuses to run off. Only when she got home there was a new message on her voicemail saying 'So we're dating now right'. One guess who it was from...

Lucky L has secret admirer.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

"Every time I go to the dentist, someone dies"

Why is everyone we know being taken to the hospital? It all started with A outdrinking people who had to be carted away in an ambulance, but all of a sudden it's out of control. After not having seen B in weeks, J thought she'd give her a call, only to discover B is in the hospital on a drip with a range of illnesses including glandular fever. B has no idea how she fell ill, only that she can hardly get out of bed and can barely talk. Not long after L heard word that her uncle had been hospitalised after attempting suicide. L was shocked, since he seemed like such a normal and happy guy. He has been happily married for years, has two teenaged kids, a stable job and didn't appear to have anything to worry about. The day after that H, after an early night pre-drinking, slipped in the shower getting ready. She broke her arm and had to get it put in plaster although at least she didn't have to stay overnight in the hospital.

So now the only question is: who is next?

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

"What garlic is to food, insanity is to art."

Quality or quantity? Often it's the big question.

We're not exactly cheapskates, but nor do we have the best of everything. For one thing, it's just not cost effective. We're half-broke uni students remember? We're not the children of the rich and famous. We have to choose between what's worth the high price tag, and what's not.

When it comes to our alcohol supply, you'd think we'd be big spenders right? Well, occasionally. For parties and new cocktails and special occasion we'll splash out on Absolut or Grey Goose or the other more expensive brands. But for our every day siupply you'll see us hunting through the bargain bins. Home brand vodka, $2 bottles of wine and anything cheap we can get our hands on. Let's face it, after the 10th drink you're not that concerned how long the whiskey's been aged. So for shots and handbag drinks, it's always the cheap stuff.

Fashion is always a tricky question. There are some things that brands do best. Swimsuits, jeans and shoes are among the things we spend 90% of our clothes cash on. Sure you can buy $5 heels, but your feet are going to be damn sore at the end of the night. On the other hand, t-shirts and singlets are always being bought at chain stores from $2.

Nail polish and lip glosses should never be purchased for over $5 because quality wise, they're the same. Foundation and mascara though, that's where we break the bank.

And then there's garlic.

A couple of weeks ago we bought this pizza while out and about that was essentially tomato, cheese and garlic. Simple but so delicious. So, of course, we decided to make our own at home. It wasn't anywhere near as good and we couldn't work out why. Well, other than the fact that home-cooked meals are never quite as good, but this pizza welll, it wasn't good at all. In fact it was bad. It tasted like limp tomato and cheese. That's when we learnt an important lesson about garlic. From our grandmothers no less. Garlic is one of those things you can buy for so little money it's practically a steal. On the other hand, you can pay good money for what appears to be the exact same thing. It's not the same. Good garlic is fantastic. It brings so much flavour and scent to the dish, it brightens all the other flavours and just gives it that classy added touch. Bad garlic adds nothing. You can put a whole jar of cheap garlic in a dish and not be able to taste it. But you can taste the fresh zing of a single clove of fresh Australian garlic. Thanks to some good quality garlic, we're eating our simple yet delicious pizzas at home.

Thanks gran. We'll always remember that when it comes to garlic you want quality, not quantity.

What we're doing this month...

Loving: September! Sring has sprung! Footy finals! Footy parties and big matches and meat pies and beer beer beer. If only we could get tickets to the Grand Final to see our teams...
Listening to: Queens of the Stone Age- Soundwave 2011!
Crushing on: Ryan Reynolds
Worshipping: Josh Homme
Eating: dumplings of all kinds and sizes
Drinking: Long Island Iced Tea, bring on summer!
Rocking: our geeky lab coats to dress-up parties
Reading: the newspaper...will there be a Federal Government?
Failing: to keep our chin up when the sun's not up

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

"Let's talk about sex baby"

A has made the call. She's giving up sex. Why? It's the time of the year when everyone startes getting depressed about life (today is the last day of August but the sun shows no sign of coming through and everyone is getting concerned that we may be stuck in the delusional horror that is winter) and she has announced that she hates men because all they talk about is sex and they are all interested in braindead women with pre-puberty barbie bodies and she's sick of it. She considered becoming a lesbian but then realised she hates women because they allow men to treat them as sex objects and because well, she doesn't find them sexually attractive. This might not be true at all but A has decided many of her problems stem from sex and society's general obsession with it. Probably more of A's problems are due to her committment-phobia but she is now a non-sexual. Yes there's hetrosexuals, bisexuals, homosexuals, metrosexuals...and non-sexuals. A's ban on sex doesn't just invlove the physical act itself but also talking about it, watching it (more Sex and the City scenarios than porn...) and anything else sex-related. A thinks it will make her more intelligent and interesting. We'll see.

H is becoming turned off by sex as well, but in a more specific way. One of the guys she works with (you know, at the sex shop) has been hitting on her constantly but she just isn't that into him, possibly because he's way older than her. He just won't take a hint and leave her alone though, so H has had to change a bunch of her shifts to avoid seeing him. This means she now has to work the dodgy and annoying Friday night shift. Plus, working in an 'adults' store kinda puts you off sex. You see too many couples clearly choosing sex toys for the night and too many awful guys jerking off to porn. It desensitises you in a really unpleasent way. Maybe she should quit. Her band is sure to hit the big time any day now...

J is never off sex, of course. She is however, also feeling the effects of the depressing phase that is should-be-pring-but-is-still-winter. In order to fight it off she's been going to the gym every day in order to be bikini ready on the very first beach-worthy weather day. Or maybe it's because of the super hot personal trainer she's managed to find. He's five years older than her, but that's never stopped J before. Then again, her subtle flirting isn't going anywhere. Maybe she needs to turn the heat up.

L is sexually on the fence. She still hasn't slept with secret admirer, which leaves everyone else wondering exactly what they do when they're together. Talk. Make-out. Other assorted fun and games. The whole 'relationship' thing may be hard for A, H and J to understand. They've all had flings, fuck buddies etc but not real relationships. And L is worried what it will mean being the only one of the fab four with a significant other. It's always hard to be the one who's single, or the one who's in a relationship. No one else really understands and nor do they want to. L has always been good at the balancing act though, and secret admirer does seem like a good guy. He's nice to her friends, always returns her calls, is funny and sweet and has plenty of friends and a family he cares about. He's perfect for L really. It's just that the timing isn't perfect. L has a very busy and full life and guys were never a section of her pie graph of time. The more time she spends with secret admirier, the more everything else suffers. And L likes her life the way it is. But she also likes secret admirer. It's going to be a stressful month while she figures it out...

Friday, August 27, 2010

"Take another sip from this hobo's wine"

When does it become official that you drink too much? Is it when you are alone in a public toilet, swigging brew? Is it when your friends start to get carted away in ambulances because they simply can't keep up? Is it when every tagged photo of you on facebook seemes to involve you clutching a bottle or passed out in gutters? Is it when you think it's a good idea to light a ball of toilet paper on fire and throw it around a nightclub? Is it when bartenders have drinks ready for you by the time you make it to the bar? Or is it, horror of horrors, all of the above?

Yes it's been a busy, well few weeks to say the least.

J has been trying to rekindle her friendship with S, with the aid of Bossman who has always gotten along very well with him. J isn't sure why S hasn't been hanging around with us since he returned from Asia but she didn't want to give up on the friendship. Pity S has become a total wanker. He always was a bit of a private school twit who looked down on J for sleeping around even though he's the male version of a slut. But these days? It's so much worse. He orders mulled wine in bogan pubs and spends half his time talking in French because it's 'such a beautiful language'. We may look dumb, but we really aren't. J has been speaking fluent French for years, but she doesn't do it to impress people unlike S. S claims he loves his life and his girlfriend and doesn't need to drink but a few mulled wines later he's talking about bedding every girl in the joint. We might not quote Kurt Vonnegut or James Joyce on a daily basis, but that doesn't mean we haven't read Ulysses. It's really annoying when people think you're stupid or inarticulate, just because you're young or female or went to a public school or drink or have sex. So J has essentially decided S isn't cool enough to be her friend anymore. Unless he drops the wanker act anyway. On the plus side she's cleared the air with Bossman and told him she has no interest in sleeping with him and she's happy to be just friends. So that's settled.

Instead J decided to attempt to pick up one of A and L's uni friends at the drinking-spectacular (two words: open bar) that was the Law Ball. She got him talking about law, music and football and all would have ended well except that A was going drink for drink with his best mate. Never mind that A had already downed half a bottle of vodka for pre-drinks (and he hadn't had any), the several bottles of wine they shared ended up with the best mate being rushed to hospital in an ambulance. A felt guilty, but not as guilty as her friend and a disappointed J ended up going home alone. H found her old pretend friend uni-guy and started yelling at him across the room, only for him to disappear moments later, clearly spooked. No one really wants someone as scary as H screaming 'why did you delete me off facebook?!' at the top of her lungs. A was washing her champagne soaked legs in the sink in the bathroom, only to be caught by the uni version of miss perfect. A met her way back in first year and they were friends until A realised she was boring, got 100% on everything, disapproved of everything from alcohol to premarital sex to soft drink that wasn't diet and never ever stuffed anything up. The night of the ball she had perfect hair, a knee-length dress and had perfect posture in heels. She was also giving A that stiff, upper class look. A's hair was a tangled mess, her dress was around her hips, she can't wear heels and not fall, and she was washing her legs in the sink. But you know what? A beat the little perfect princess by one mark on the criminal law final exam last year. A true victory for the uh, screw-ups. Again, we're not as dumb as we look. L brought secret admirer as her date, and apparently they are now officially boyfriend and girlfriend. H has decided this is the reason she hasn't seen L in 4 weeks and spent much of the night bagging the crap out of secret admirer. It ended up being A, of all people, who comforted him, explaining that H takes a long time to warm up to people. If she ever does. Maybe cold comfort then?

No one's seen much of B and K, lately. J saw them 2 weeks ago but after a disastrous clubbing experience has vowed to have a 'twin-free month'. It's been surprisingly easy what with them having moved back home. K apparently has a new boyfriend...yet again. This one is twice her height, a ranga, and never calls or texts her back. So a typical K choice then.

Tonight we've found a club doing a hobo-themed night. So essentially exactly our thing. Forget fancy arse balls, we're all about ripped stockings and cheap beer. Bring it on, the scummier the better.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

"We're gonna sip bacadi like it's your birthday"

Happy 50th post French Toast and Failure! We're going to celebrate with french toast drenched in golden syrup and lour cocktail of the month, Japanese Slippers (midori, cointreau and lime juice).

It appears that now that B and K have moved back home, we won't be seeing them anymore. Truth, K has been out of the picture for awhile. She's deleted everyone but J off of facebook, and, depending on the day, has blocked them from seeing any of her posts on other people's walls (yeah, we didn't know you could do that either). Occasionally she prank calls our mobile phones, but doesn't answer return calls of text messages. She also ignores us if she sees us in the street, especially A and H. For the past week B has also all but disappeared. Despite being invited out on the weekend she simply didn't reply.

L has also been a little camera shy lately. H is convinced it's because she's hanging out with secret admirer behind everyone's back but L is simply not a liar. If she claims she's too busy with family birthdays and study then she's too busy with family birthdays and study. We trust L. Well, mostly. H is still a little unsure. Really she just doesn't trust secret admirer.

Thursday night A, J and H went out as per usual. With pina colada drink specials they left in their wake several trashed and flooded bathrooms, stolen CDs, a burnt tablecloth and a lot of spilled drink. There was faux-moshing and frantic dancing, cigarettes and quick pash-and-dashes. And, of course, all-black outfits.

The following night was C's birthday party pub crawl but only A, J, H and E were in attendance. Well, out of the French Toast and Failure regulars anyway. Obviously C had other friends. The night started off at a fancy and expensive cocktail bar. At first A, J and H felt out of place but they lightened up after a few apple martinis and were soon flirting with bartenders and dancing even though there was no dancefloor. C's cute brother (he has 2) was hitting on J but she doesn't do family members. He became extremely jealous when she hooked up with someone else later that night and started yelling at C. Ugh. Luckily C sent him home and ended the drama there. Later on the night moved to scummier and scummier pubs which is exactly the scene the others like. H and E joked to others that they were a couple, J took a cardigan home that she thought was heres but wasn't and scored some free weed and A got into a fight with a DJ who refused to play The Rolling Stones. Good times.

The night following that A, J and H met up for pizza planning a quiet night to nurse their hangovers and watch Buffy reruns. A couple of bottles of gin later they were running up and down streets and terrorising others at train stations. Yeah, just a quiet night.

Monday, August 9, 2010

"I mean, the high school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity, he threw the teacher out the window!"

If September is the month of football what is the month of August? Well, university open days of course. Uni open days are really fun-filled occasions for anyone, whether they're planning on attending said uni in the following year or not. There's usually free pens, bags, t-shirts and sometimes even hats to be had, and most places offer free BBQs/coffee/vitamin water. Needless to say, if we aren't working/hungover/otherwise occupied (which is usually) we are so there.

Yesterday A decided to go touring an inner-city uni with her younger brother, who (if all goes to their parents' plan) will be starting uni next year. It was a change of scenery for A, because the uni she actually attends is kinda out in the sticks. This is due in part to the so-called Melbourne model and the difficulty of studying law in the inner city these days. Sadly her younger brother has no idea what he wants to do. A dragged him around the engineering department for ages, partly because he's a genius in the maths/physics department, partly because she knew G was volunteering and figured she'd say hi. However little brother decided he didn't think engineering was for him and is now talking about becoming a teacher. Riiiight. And to add insult to injury, there wasn't even a BBQ! Maybe the sticks has something going for it after all. Still, there was free mints and coffee.

J headed out on a long long trip outside the city because she's thinking about going back to school and studying dentistry next year. Kind of seems an odd choice for someone who has studying three semesters of science, all with long breaks in between, and hated all of it. Oh well. She likes pulling teeth. Going such a long way out of town made J realise just how many country bogans actually exist. Not to mention making her feel old beyond her years surrounded by people who hadn't yet reached the legal drinking age. Then again, maybe she was just feeling old due to her killer hangover from doing jaegerbombs and smoking pot with B into the wee hours the night before. It was the trip home that really banged the nail into the coffin of J's potential dentistry career though. Sitting on the tram in her sunglasses gazing out the window seemed like the smart option until Justin climbed aboard, completely ignored her and then sat next to her, pulling out his ipod and not speaking. J sat there, staring at him and waiting for him to recognise her. He appeared not to, sitting there and silently rocking out to his music. Eventually J whipped off her sunglasses and yelled at him 'are you going to say hello?!' Justin appeared genuinely shocked, and the pair then shared awkward conversation until it was time for J to get off the tram. Unfortunately she left her sunglasses behind, leaving Justin to leap off the tram and run after her to give them back. He then asked her out again. Despite the fact that he has fun friends, Justin himself is kind of a bore and J really doesn't want a relationship with him. The fact that he's still trying though means he's not going to go away quietly...

No one has seen L for awhile. She hasn't been rocking up to regularly planned events and it is suspected she's ditching us for secret admirer. H is less than pleased. She figures if she can fit her friends around her jobs, uni and band practice L should be able to make time for everyone too. Of course, H doesn't have a new boyfriend. Still, whoever thought L would be the type to dtich the mates for the boy? It is such a K thing to do.

Speaking of K, B has taken a job at the same restaurant K works in. They have also both moved back home. This is probably as weird as it gets. Usually once people move out of home, barring crisis, that's it. However K (and thus B, because B has been agreeing with everything K says lately) has been talking about how much she misses her close-knit family and them all living together. The fab four have had a flashback to what life was like before B and K moved out of home. Between the strict Asian parents and the fact that to them family is everything, they rarely hung out with people when their family wasn't present. They never came out drinking or shopping or to the movies or anything because they always had family stuff to do. It was R in fact who forced them to move out because he said he couldn't have a relationship with B and her family. I suppose it shows how important R was to B in that she was willing to leave her family for him. But now that R is virtually out of the picture, R answers to K instead. And K wants to move back home. It's difficult to see how our friendship will survive the reverse-transition. As it is, we hardly see K. That's possibly because she refuses to talk to A, L and H and has deleted them off facebook and ignored them in the street. It would be said to lose B as a friend as well though. But it seems she's determined to keep it all in the family, living at home and working with K. Well at least she's doing something since she rarely shows up at uni.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

"The past is only the future with the lights on"

What we've learned today...

After years of drawing EDTA it's finally dawned on us that the molecule is actually a small backbone with four identical functional groups...not as complicated as we've managed to make it for years.

Working in a sex shop equals freaks. Especially when it's open late at night.

There are times the High Court should have been comprised of only Justice Kirby and Garcia was one of those occasions.

The Soundwave leaked lineup better by right. Queens of the Stone Age? Hell yes!

Now to go get ready for another night out: patterned stockings with short black dresses and blasting Rock the Casbah.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

"Her heart beats red wine, my toxic valentine"

Days at uni that go from 9am to 7pm? When exactly are we supposed to see the sunshine? And with 300 pages of reading per subject, when are we supposed to sleep? Oh wait, we don't go to class. Or do the reading. Never mind then.

Last weekend was fun-filled, despite the rain-drenched city which caused wet tights to stick to legs in most unpleasent ways. L had a perfect date with secret admirer, who is turning out to be one of the sweetest guys ever. A guy who actually gives you flowers, just because? That has to be the cutest thing ever. L and H got into a fight about L not attending H's birthday party, with H accusing L of ditching her for a romantic getaway with secret admirer (note that it was actually B's suggestion). L denied ditching her, they got into a rowdy argument and then got over it. H still doesn't like secret admirer though. She's convinced he's too perfect and too charming and he must be hiding something. L sort of has the same thought process. She still doesn't really feel like she knows him and isn't prepared to make a committment to a guy she doesn't really know. After all, she hasn't known him that long. This weekend he wants her to meet his parents. L is scared shitless. Let's face it, meeting the parents is always scary.

J went out and got drunk with Bossman on Friday, or at least she got drunk. Bossman didn't drink at all. He also behaved oddly around he all night as if he was being careful. J is worried that Bossman thinks they're going to have sex if he doesn't watch himself and is kind of pissed he doesn't think she has any self-control, even though she doesn't really believe she has any self-control herself. She tried to prove to him she wasn't interested by flirting and dancing with other guys but he didn't seem convinced. He was uncomfortable being too close to her all night, and avoided touching her even in innocent places like tapping her on the shoulder to get attention. J really doesn't want to have 'the talk' with him because she isn't interested. Bossman is into kinky stuff like being hung from the ceiling with metal hooks in his flesh. J likes some out there activities but that just plain freaks her out.

A is back to work, although everything has changed since her last shift. Not only does she have a new boss (who is female and A is already managing to not get along with after rocking up hungover and annoucing she would be sitting down for her entire shift) but the guy she spent a weekend of passion with and the tried to avoid has vanished. A was initally pleased by this because she doesn't enjoy ongoinng sexual encounters with anyone. Then she realised she'd lost one of her favourite work mates and a good guy friend. With the arrival of new bitch boss, it might be time to move.

On Saturday night the fab four + B (J, A, H, L and B) went out for drinks and dancing. A and J split a bottle of vodka for pre-drinks before downing skittlesbombs (whatever they are) beer and tequila shots at the venue. H and B got shitfaced on cheap wine and mango flavoured vodka while L had a quiet night. Except, you know, for the bottle of red wine. A managed to fall face flat next to the bar, appeared to fall asleep while dancing and stole the hats of at least 3 guys. One of these guys started following her, leaving L to find the hat, give it back and shouting at them to 'leave us the hell alone!' B had a long-haired band dude to hook up with while J chatted for 2 hours to a guy she knew but never even spoke to in high school. Random people (probably aquaintences) started yelling out A's name but as she was incoherent H decided to entertain them...with a striptease. Clearly spending too much time at that sex shop.

Ah, the nights to remember forever.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

What we're doing this month...

Loving: footy, we've got September fever one month early
Listening to: The Strokes
Crushing on: Ashton Kutcher, after a That 70's Show marathon
Worshipping: Angelina Jolie in Salt
Eating: choc-chip muffins
Drinking: Japanese Slippers
Rocking: Thick wooly jumpers, relics from the 80s
Reading: Peepshow by Leigh Redhead and the subsequent sequals
Failing: to get a decent night's sleep

Friday, July 30, 2010

"Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine."

Back to uni. Back to real life. Back to hell. Constitutional law will be the death of A and L, full time work just might quash even the hardest partier in J, and H is beginning to get bored of her new course after less than 2 weeks. Lucky B who doesn't care about uni at all and doesn't have to pay for it (her parents do) doesn't have the kind of problems the rest of us do. And K likes uni. Still can't understand why...

So, it having being a hard week we went to hit our usual Thursday night pub. Being a dedicated booze crew, we of course have a favourite bartender. When you go to the same pub every week, it happens. Our favourite bartender was boyishly cute, had a guns n roses tattoo and always have us doubles when we paid for singles. It was the perfect relationship. But alas, no more.

A couple of weeks ago (2??) K came along which doesn't always occur because she often works Thursday nights. She somehow managed to get in a fight with our favourite bartender about drink prices. She was refusing to pay more for jaeger rather than vodka, even though jaeger has never been a basic spirit in anyone's book and is never discounted in the same way as vodka. I mean, the guy gives us free booze anyway. What more can you ask for? Either way our bartender did not look happy and didn't serve any of us for the rest of the night. The following week things were back to normal until H commented on how his new haircut made him look like a girl and he went back to not serving us. We thought things would be fine again this week but not so. He not only doesn't serve us, but completely ignores us and pretends we aren't actually trying to speak to him.

What are we going to do without our favourite bartender?

Sunday, July 25, 2010

"I got my cloak and dagger in a bar room brawl"

We're here to fuck shit up

- overheard from the mouths of blonde haired, overly made-up girls at a gig who later ran crying from the mosh pit. No, we're here to fuck shit up. You're just a bunch of posers.

Three concerts in three days. A hell of a lot of rock music. A hell of a lot of mosh pits. Ringing ears, black bruised feet, dozens of cuts, ripped clothing, shoes destroyed to the point where they had to be thrown out, and at least 20 bottles of gatorade. When you wake up bruised, beaten and broken but oh-so-good that's when you know you've had a good night. The best side of exhaustion.

Yes, we are those girls in the mosh pit. The ones surrounded by guys who are taller, bigger, stronger. The ones who don't flinch when we get kicked by heavy boots or punched by a fist the size of our face. Who doesn't love getting their violence on?

We are here to FUCK. SHIT. UP.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

"Okay, Joey, the dog will lick himself but will not touch your sandwich. What does that tell you?"

For H's birthday this year we decided on a small celebration rather than one of out typical crazy nights out. It was held at J's house and A, B, N, M, C and E showed up (as well as H and J).

K was apparently working but since she's never really liked H it wasn't exactly something anyone was worrying about. And besides, she hasn't been hanging around with us all that much lately anyway. The real question though was: where was L? Half an hour into the party, it was clear something was wrong. L is never late. Where was L? She was supposed to be bringing the macaroons, the only classy part of the night what with the potato chips pizza and chocolate! A phone call later it was discovered L was on a road trip with her family and wasn't going to be attending the party. B admitted L may have told her something over facebook, but she couldn't believe L actually wouldn't show up. After all, L is supposed to be H's best friend. And the party was virtually her idea. It was all, well bizzare really. And naturally no one was very happy least of all H. L hadn't even texted her happy birthday. Talk about insulting. B suggested L had actually ditched them to go on a trip with secret admirer not her family so calls were made to L's house all night long to 'check'. No one answered and really, who could imagine L of all people leaving with a guy who, realistically, she's only just met?

Without L, the party just wasn't the same. It turned into what, nearly a decade ago would have been the norm, a sleepover between 8 close friends. Lots of junk food, lots of music...oh, and plenty of vodka/gin/tequila and pot. Cocktails were made out of many things, including peach liquor and 'berry cocktail' (a concoction of berries floating in pink sauce that tasted like jam and stained everything it touched) and someone even made a banana-and-gin smoothie. Everyone was smoking either tobacco or pot, except M who has this thing against smoking and was in a foul mood being the only one not in a smoke haze. Numerous pizzas were ordered, dancing was had, and late night TV was laughed at. There was the kind of gossip and in-jokes and trips down memory lane that can only be had by friends who've known each other so long and so well that there isn't anything they don't know about each other. At some point everyone fell asleep in various rooms, tangled together like only true friends can be and woke 6 hours later to start it all again.

M had to leave because she claimed to have work, but one suspects she just wasn't having as much fun or feeling as comfortable as everyone else. B had to leave because she had 17 missed calls from k who wanted her home. No one was sure why at the time. Who calls 17 times? Maybe if someone had died. Turns out no one had, but K, control freak as usual, wanted B home. Like a dog on a leash B went and later that afternoon K dragged her off (hungover no less) to a karoke party of a high school friends that B never even liked.

The others remained and played ready-steady-cook with J's fridge. The idea began wehn an irrated A announced she wanted a macaroon tower like L was supposed to bring and decided to make one with the contents of J's fridge. Since J had pretty much none of the ingrediants in the end there was flour everywhere and nothing to eat. Ready, steady, cook! time it was. C made toasted sandwiches since that's about all he can cook. A made omlettes, because she's become obsessed with them lately. She filled them with spring onion, tomato, cheese, peperoni, mushrooms and sauce and they were surprisingly good. J made Bloody Marys. E whipped up pasta with cream of mushroom soup and bacon (those were his ingrediants). H made herself a lopsided chocolate cake that was actually delicious. Everyone settled down with their food and watched several movies like The Hangover, Superbad and some weird olf horror movie with zombies.

Somehow the night rolled around again and everyone decided it was time to finish off the leftover alcohol. More cocktails, more shots, a few card games and somehow everyone wound up in H's car with E driving, everyone drunk and screaming out the windows. Lucky there was no cops on the road on a weekday night. We all ended up sleeping at H's, much to the delight of Miss Priss in the morning.

After bacon-and-eggs (thanks Miss Priss!) it was time to go home. There was work and uni and life to catch up on. So maybe not a typical tween sleepover...maybe more like a 2-day bender.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

"But you're obsessed with the sex girl, should I confess that you never got the best from me?"

It's winter and cold and the kind of days where you are forced to rug up in scarfs and gloves and nights where it's impossible to sleep without long socks.

That's why there has to be some things to take the edge off.

Last Saturday night J, B and M drank a ridiculous amount of pre-drinks (absinthe and bisen-grass vodka) before cabbing it into the city. Winter, the season of cabs. Thank god we live close in. They had several hours of fun dancing and drinking pink drinks from the bar (which they had no idea what it contained) and swigging from the bottle of jaeger B had snuck in. Yes, a whole 700ml bottle. Lucky no one checked her oversized handbag. Unfortunately who was to show up but Justin, the guy J was never really dating but he kinda hoped she was. J thought she'd got rid of him by ignoring all his attempts to contact her about a month ago. Justin ignored the last month and tried to cosy up to her. She would've ignored it, except he'd brought along his friend who B was interested in. No Gaga coincidently. J, B, Justin and his friend ended up going back tothe friend's house while M went home early. She's had an ankle sprain that still isn't quite healed and didn't want to make it worse with a ridiculously long night.

Once back at the house, the friend and J started smoking pot and listening to Eminem while cracking jokes about Justin. There were a lot to be made, such as why he listens to Justin Beiber and watches Sex and the City. Justin wasn't too happy about the jokes and started to get in a more and more foul mood. B wasn't too pleased either thinking J was cramping her style as she couldn't make a move on Justin's friend. The truth was J and Justin's friend were completely fried and having an excellent time. At some point the friend trundled off to bed and J was left with Justin. He didn't even bother to try and have sex. Neither did J. She normally has to make the first move with Justin but she was stoned and figured he was bad in bed anyway so what the hell. Why bother? J slept on the couch, Justin the floor. B snuck into Justin's friend's room and went to sleep in his bed but didn't try anything. An hour or so later (when morning had pretty much arrived) she woke up and freaked out that Justin's friend had died because he looked dead sleeping. In a panic she woke J who told her that he was breathing and thus fine. J decided it was time to head off anyway since she started work soon and wanted a shower beforehand. They left without saying goodbye.

As she swigged countless bottles of redbull mixed with random soft drink J was left to wonder what to do about Justin. She doesn't like him because he has a crap sense of humour and is bad in bed, but he has fun friends. Is that worth keeping him around for? She hasn't decided yet.

In the meantime we are preparing for H's birthday. L has announced she is making a Macaron Tower just like in Masterchef. We're all pretty excited, let's hope it works out better for her than the contestents.

"Hi! My name is..."

I've had a few emails about proper descriptions of the 6 main characters in this blog. Well, I say characters but they aren't exactly fictional I'm not sure what to call us. Just people. Friends. That works. We're all friends. 6 main friends. Anyway, I'm not going to include photos because well, I don't use photos on this blog and also because we're not photographer like people. You know how there's those friends of your's on facebook who take photos of every major event (every party, night out, music festival) they attend? That's not us. We rarely take photos because we're actually out having fun. When you're going crazy in the middle of a mosh pit you don't have time to take photos. We don't have photos that really capture who we are. So I'll just stick to words.

  • Long blonde hair, blue eyes, very tall, very pretty, several piercings and tattoos
  • Always wears skirts or dresses. Never seen in pants or shorts. Ever. Also always wears high heels, not that she needs to
  • Can't go a day without red bull, V, Mother, Monster or some other from of caffeinated, sugared energy drink
  • Acts a lot like Samantha from Sex and the City in that she is sexually aggressive. Lies to get guys into bed
  • Listens to all kinds of music and has a soft spot for hip-hop and hyphy
  • Still lives with her parents
  • Is an on/0ff uni student, about to be off again. Usually studies science when at uni.
  • Speaks 3, sometimes 4, language
  • Has worked a lot of jobs and is currently employed in retail
  • Smokes like a chimney and drinks like a fish


  • Short in stature but makes up for it in big personality. Ever-changing hair colour, is black and very short at the moment which was used to cover up a disaster blue/orange experiment
  • Wardrobe is almost entirely black with a lot of denim and leather
  • Has an opinion on everything
  • Not afraid to punch randoms if they piss her off
  • Thinks How I Met Your Mother is the least funny show on TV (along with J, similar sense of humour being friends forever)
  • Law student without ambition
  • Works in retail
  • Drinks too much coffee
  • Is always sick
  • Committment-phobic to the core


  • Tall and with the kind of breasts most women pay good money for. Brunette, brown eyes
  • Obsessed with shoes although spends summer in thongs and winter in knee-high black boots
  • Has a collection of rings and necklaces to be envied by all
  • Sweet-natured and without a love for confrontation
  • Law student with ambition
  • Volunteers at a legal centre and works part-time giving legal advice for elderly people at a large firm
  • Very close with her family
  • Terrible driver, one wonders how she passed the test
  • Reads a lot in her little spare time
  • Unsure whether she has time for a boyfriend


  • Medium height, stick skinny and with an ever changing fashion sense. One day she'll be punk rock with piercings, black hair and leather jacket the next she'll be light brown wavy hair, make-up and piercing free and wearing florals.
  • Plays in a rock band
  • Works in a sex shop and at a casino
  • Is a killer skiier
  • Headed back to uni to study media. Has previously studies history, politics, chemistry, physics and nutrition
  • Moves house twice a year
  • Refuses to hear a bad word about The Clash
  • Football obsesses, like A
  • Still misses her late dog like crazy
  • Knows pretty much everyone in the state, or at least knows them once removed


  • One half of the Asian twins. Recently cut her usually super long dark hair short (shoulder length) and is loving it. Short, but not as short as K
  • Has been wearing a lot of make-up lately
  • Along with tight tight dresses
  • Is still in love with R, no matter what she claims. Romantic softie at heart
  • Studies arts at uni but rarely goes and thus has failed a lot of classes
  • Used to work in a deli but hasn't had a real job in over a year
  • Lives with K, who essentially supports her
  • Loves any kind of male attention, but gets guilty about one-night-stands
  • Cannot drink beer for shit
  • Lover of indie music


  • The other half of the Asian (Chinese) twins. Extremely short with long hair.
  • Wears a lot of pants and shorts, occasionally a skirt. Never dresses
  • Loves painting her nails hot pink
  • Studies at uni. Her course isn't law but that's what she calls it. One day wants to be a police officer
  • Works as a waitress at least 3 nights a week
  • Likes to be in charge
  • Gets herself kicked out of a lot of places for picking fights or having public breakdowns
  • Loves pop music and is often found singing random lyrics or posting them on facebook
  • Usually has a boyfriend or potential boyfriend. Very full-on in relationships
  • Feels everything very intensely

And who am I, the humble narrator? That one you'll have to figure out yourself.